Mexican Blow Jobs

Having and okay-ish day to say the weather is deciding to be the biggest pile of shit. In LA today, (where i usually am) It’s ‘Cinco De Mayo’ today, which is Mexican Independance day, where all the Hollywood hotties, commit to celebrating all things Mexican and get trollied in the blazing heat. The Mexicans don’t though, as they have dishes to wash and can’t get into the bars, but on the whole it’s a FUN day and a WHOLE day of drinking. I’m missing it, because i’m twiddling my thumbs trying to break the British Market. Can’t you Brits just hurry up and adore me, so i can jab my flag of Stardom firmly down in the soil and bog off back to Hollywood, like the hooker that i am. I’ve been on the telly….I’ve got my boobies out for you. You should love me by now! Every other country of the world does….just not YOU!! (Bastards!) How hard can this be??

It’s also quite sad because as tradition on ‘Cinco De Mayo’ i always give a dashing gentleman a ‘Mexican Blowjob.’ If you don’t know what that is, then you haven’t lived and should hang your head in shame. (Okay, if ya done doing that, now listen.)  It’s a blowjob i invented where I (Miss.Wunna the Queen of ‘Good Times’…Code for ‘Just another Slut’) go down on you (well not all of you, just one of you) and whilst i’m giving you a jolly old ‘nosh,’ i hum the tune of the ‘Mexican Hat dance.’ (Youtube it.) When you’re at your ‘Ugh-ugh-shake’ stage, i let you ‘release,’ lift up my head, strike an appropriate pose, raise my hands above my head and whilst doing two very loud ‘CLAPS’ i shout ‘Ole LAY!!!’ I’m not gonna get to do that this year. England is ruining my sex life! (Someone feel me up please!! No…not you!) Apparently you can also do this with a Footballer, but hum the tune of ‘Match of the Day,’ and end it with a Victory dance, and a very manly shout, like you’ve just scored a goal.

Other than that (and Kanye West ‘Good life’ on in the background) i’ve seen a man in France with the largest tongue i’ve ever sighted in my life ever. I’ve been told because i’m Buddhist i will get reincarnated and come back as a ‘Spacker,’ which is better than coming back as a Siamese Twin, attached to the person who called me a ‘Spacker,’ as we’d just end up killing each other and have to start all over again. I’ve had messages from all of you all over the world asking my advice on all sorts of things. Some girls are losing their virginities, some are going on their first dates, some are wanting to ‘sex’ things up a little (which i approve of) and they all believe i have the answers to their troubles. And i do!! I’m quite the agony aunt now.

We’ll kinda not mention that i made a name for myself, by making the most hideously disgusting mistakes in Hollywood, over and over again. I still do. I’m not good at advice. My judgement is poor my pretties. There’s a ‘One night in Wunnaland’ out there somewhere…you just haven’t found it yet.

I’ve also been told by my new friend ‘Parnell’ that if a slapper ever tries to steal my ‘imaginary’ man. I should simply retaliate by saying, ‘I’m sorry, i didn’t realize you were pregnant…would you like my seat?’ Sizzle! I love it!! And my other gay ‘Perry’ told me that his Great Uncle John  died of ‘Mad Cow Disease.’ (Hahahaha!) He use to start rubbing his head on the ground ferociously, like a wild beast. His Wife was going to divorce him for ‘Attention Seeking.’ It’s a great way to go out!  I should’nt really laugh. But really you can’t beat it! I mean….HAHAHAHAHA!!

Anyway i’ve got to go, as i’m getting ready to watch the Man U vs Arsenal game…but on the telly this time. (She sighs.) Some cunt of a girl came up to me today screaming, ‘Oh my god, oh my god, it’s you off the telly.’ I quite full of myself, pouted, posed and gave a big ‘Yes…i am.’ Then she claimed she loved me in it…and then said, ‘it was that show with that black guy with a giant clock around his neck, right?‘ NO!!! You bitch!! I didn’t wanna date ‘Flava Flav.’ Hahaha! I’m laughing really, it was hilarious! I hugged her, pissed myself and then wished her a merry day. Oh and a handful of my Pick n Mix. I love ‘Pick n Mix.’

Life is good! I’m so happy right now andi truely hope you are too! Find the Wunna in you…and get into some trouble. In the meantime….COME ON MAN U!!!!

Chrissie Wunna

15 thoughts on “Mexican Blow Jobs”

  1. I’ve gotten into enough trouble to last me a lifetime,I have fond memories of seeing one of my best friends’ girlfriend behind his back the same day i spent time hanging out with him,more than once i might add,and I’ll never forget the few times guys came over to my place looking to kill me because i was messing around with their women,ah those were the days,good times haha

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  2. This is one of my favourite entries now! Hahaha. Love it.
    It’s true. Poor John, may he graze in peace. (Ok that was cruel, but funny!) Bless. I hope you find a nice gentleman to give a mexican blowjob too, they sound interesting to say the least!
    p.s i want pick n mix too! aghhh. x

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  3. Scratch- NO!

    Patrick- Players suck balls

    Perry- I love Pic n Mix. And yes i dedicate this to ur dead Uncle John, may he go down in History as GREATNESS

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  4. u cant blame a guy for trying i will still woo u one day u are just being incredibly stubborn ha ha ha good luck on breaking engliand but soon u might lose your english fan ha ha ha

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  5. Scratch- I’m stubborn, but u love it

    Patrick- Oh yeah. But SLUTS, especially the ones of the ‘fucking sluts’ variety, are a bit better than ‘Players’ aren’t they!

    Reply

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