Messy Member

I’m a messy member of society. I’m at a cyber cafe and have all these ‘randoms’ staring at me, because they think i’m ‘Tila Tequila.’ I’ve managed to spill a giant plate of spagetti bolognese down my front, and well i seem to be getting everyone’s ‘dander up,’ without really meaning too. However, the grannies have decided to adore me. I’ve had 2 come and tell me, how they wish they were ’18 again.’ I love that grannies want to go back in time and be ME!! I now offically love them, and wish I could bloody turn 18 again. Well not really, it’s a horrid age. I’m having to turn 28 in just over 2 weeks, and my ‘Hollywood age’ is having to be 23, as i can’t pass for a 19 year old anymore. Tragic!  I’m a big girl now, but the boys love it…so i’m not really too bothered. I still get laid.

Cyber cafes in England are so bizarro. They’re cold, and full of coffee smelling pervs, teenagers and men who are cheating on their wives. I’m getting ‘free time’ on this ‘manky been touched by paedophiles’ computer because i’m erm…’Tila Tequila.’ I’ve had my picture taken and everything! Haha! Sorry ‘Tila.’ This other guy thought i was a ‘Pussy cat doll.’ But came up to me and said ‘Are you that girl from…what’s that band called with girls?? Erm…Pussy??’ (lol…) I and  in my most American accent ever, (i don’t know why i did that) said ‘Maybe?’ What the bollocks is wrong with me!! I’m so ridiculous!! I’m willing to actually steal fame off other people for my 5 minutes! Loser!!

Now every one is doing that thing where they pretend they’re not staring at me, when they are pretty much staring at me. I have a baby-sized crowd. And although, my EGO is enjoying all this attention, the fact that it’s all based on LIES, is making me feel a bit awkward. (Haha!) I’m trying to look as normal as possible…but doing it very badly.

 I feel like everyone’s always trying to work me out. (In more ways than one.) No-one can decide what’s wrong with me?? Infact, a guy yesterday said ‘You’re a tough one to figure out.’ I had only conversed with him for 10mins of my entire life, and the puzzle was already trying to be solved. Why trouble yourself?? Just enjoy the enchantment, and let me take you to ‘Wunnaland.’ There doesn’t have to be answers to everything. Just grab a cocktail, wear sturdy shoes, and throw caution to the wind. You only live once! Make it a good one, you Turnips!!

Chrissie Wunna

4 thoughts on “Messy Member”

  1. was arsene wenger there if it was full of nonces? have u herd his songs . what are internet caffes like here i ant ever been one i have been one in thailand that is it i hope u are having a lovely day tila take care treacle tada scratch xxx

  2. is it why go there then babe and if they look down at u babe fuck em they sound like muggy cunts and nonces and u are me old china so u are a diaomnd chrissie


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