Men with big dogs…

Isn’t it funny how we all try to hold onto our youthy? Well if you’re younger, you’re probably not yet in this stage and infact could be in a stage where you are wishing to be older and taken more seriously. We are always intrigued by what we aren’t. Some embrace it. Some bully it. Some question it? Some block it out their mind with the aid of booze and glitter speedos. When i was younger, i was always happy with the age i was. Infact, even now, i’m sort of happy with the age i am. I’ve never craved to be older and never craved to be younger. Yet, i still currently regard myself as young and I am not one bit, under the misconception that i will never age. No matter how old anyone is. I will also be that age some day and really only if i’m lucky. That’s why the elderly should be respected. They’ve made it through life this far…even if they’re on crutches and can’t hear unless you shout! I’m still just on the edge of my twenties and jeeze that was a handful! I probably can’ thear and will end up on crutuches in about a month, due to an abundance of previous merriment! Oh how i’ve slipped down that slope of drunken bliss.  Hopefully i’ll handle my thirties with a little more grace…but i doubt that! The Kitty cat in me, just won’t rest! *Purr..wink-wink.*I’m not gonna drink as much though…because i swear my livers fucked.

I’m only going on about all this because on Wednesday i was on the train to Manchester. I went early because i wanted to get my nails done before my meeting, I can always make time for a pamper. It’s vital to my existance! I found a nail station in the a shopping centre and found myself a little french manicure meeting preparation. It always gives me time to think. I then had a bacon butty and avoided as many crowds as i could. I think i might have had a cinammon swirl toooo! #fatty

During my train journey, i met a man. (here we go!) He was about 53 years old and dressed like a 19 year old. He swaggered up to me in a tight, fitted Dangermouse t-shirt. I think it was meant to be trendy. (The right look on the wrong person can be dangerous.) He had a brown leather jacket on. Shoes that would suggest he was either doing the ‘walk of shame’ or about to tend to some serious, ‘feet might stick to the floor’ party-party. He had opted for a comb over and came towards The Wunna…with a *wink.* I did enjoy the winking and the confidence. Yet, underneath his false confident swagger, all i could see was pain and that just doesn’t get my ‘G’ spot a going! I’m the Queen of confidence, even when i’m at my most pathethic. It’s very important to be comfortable in your own skin and when you’re not..i will beable to see through the foolery and even in sunglasses! *Stretches for her tropical juice that she’s obviously pretending is Malibu.*

He came up to me, with a strut that may suggest he was in a Bee Gee tribute band. I couldn’t decide whether he was a 50-something year old man, dressed like a 19 year old, or a five year old? He attempted to slap on the old charm and asked me out on a date. I had a banter with him and then politely turned him down with ‘i’m having a baby sir…’ (Wiggle-wink.) What confused me about this man, was the fact that he truely believed i would fancy him, but only when he was dressed like a 19 year old? If he had actually come up to be dressed like a 50 year old, i probably would’ve found him a great deal more attractive and simply because he wasn’t afraid to be himself.

He was holding onto his youth like no other..but the sequins on his Dangermouse T-shirt, that he may have sewn on himself, really did twinkle in the station light. 🙂 Points for that maybe?

Now i’m not one to point the finger because people believe that i’m secretly holding onto my youth by talking to youngsters (that makes me sound pervy) and dating younger boys! However, let me tell you! That is NOT true! I’m trying to grow up to be a cougar and know that in  order to eventually be one, i need training. I’m training myself NOW! Some call it mid-life crisis. I call it education. I’m preparing myself for when i’m forty and with a toy boy. I’ll probably still be with Pete. (Wow..i don’t think i’ve ever declared ‘forever’ before….apart from when i’ve been married…twice.) But he is 5 years younger, so i’ll always be a cougar in his eyes! I’m a champion! (I really do need to make the effort to see him today! He called me an hour ago and said, ‘Have i done something wrong? You just seem to be short with me?’ Aww, i can’t ever be evil to him for long. I just feel filled to the brim with morning sickness..and let me tell you, i am sooo in the ‘YOU DID THIS TO ME ‘ phase.) I just hate feeling sick. I look like a Dolly of *wootsie,*  a happy one! But on the side of secrey, i’m running off and puking at the sheer smell of ANYTHING! It’s horrendous! Save me from the beast that i have inside me!!!!! I think i remember saying that during the hotel room, conception?

Other than that men with big dogs have been hitting on me. Just because you have a big dog, doesn’t mean you have a big willy! and i’m not gonna think you have a big willy,simply because you have a big dog. They really do think that!  It’s like, if you have a fast car…you’re not fast…THE CAR IS! It humours me. I could *sigh* with ‘oh it’s so hard being a pussycat.’ [Fans herself, with feathers of pink.] Yet i’m gonna go with ‘I still got it bitches!‘ Woohoo! Men with big dogs…totally ticked that box with glitter much! Have you?

I thought i saw Supernanny the other day, but it just turns out it was some other biddy, with the exact same bum. I got all excited for no reason. What a total let down! I mean you just KNOW Supernanny is saucy! With that body she’s a total bedroom riot! I always imagine her being the kinky S & M version of Mary Poppins! Looks after naughty girls in the day. Looks after naughty boys by night! (Why am i flashbacking to a time i dated a boy who always slept on a air mattress???  I mean, he didn’t even have a bed!! He lied to me and made me homeless! Miss.Wunna! What were you thinking!!??! I have totally sold myself short…) Wazza’s just asked me what clog size i am? Lol.

There are over 6 billion people in the world. But sometimes all you need is one. (Me with DJ talent, signing signs for Kittens of fannage.)

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