‘Luxury Inflatable sex Dolly’

I foolishly thought the sunshine was upon us and was ready to declare it ‘hot pants, hickies & heels’ weather. The blistering British sun was certainly worthy of such a delicious title…but then i rained…and BOY did it rain. I mean for fucks sake. (Know that even though i was rambling on all day on Twitter about how we all should be enjoying the heat, i was actually forced to be inside in an office all day pretending to work at a desk that had random money weighing scales on it and an apple.) Not only did it rain, but it then knob twisted to ‘burning sun’ again for a good ‘maybe’ hour. Then once again, before you know it…there i was (after managing to escape from work, through a giant back door, after briebing builders with sweet words and winks. What? It’s a grander choice than the one ‘Chrissie Wunna 2008’ would’ve made. Back in the day, where there was bribeing..there was certainly boobage.) It rained. It poured..to the point where it was soo completely confusing that it was ACE! It was like being on Noah’s Ark..but sober. (Maybe that’s why i hate any office kind of ‘day to day’ mundane repeatition. It kills ya soul and when souls are being killed it’s always much better to do it on rum.) I’m not loving anything ‘office’ based right now. Even my pinstripe outfits are begining to make me itch. I a born glitzy, *doo-daa* of a nuisance. I need LIFE and the force of it’s utter enjoyment to be swirling around me madly for every moment that i can breathe. I didn’t like today. I’m not made for sitting in a room, all alone, HAVING to tend to paperwork. I currently have a fire burning inisde with, dazzled with a giddy innocence, smothered in a dynamic, romantic, crisp, but country flair. I’m loving being Me. Yet let me tell you…this ‘chapter’ is ‘snooze-fest.’ Give me MORE! You can tell you need excitement when you try to co-ordinate you pinstripes, with a whore bra. I noticed the whore bra, when the rain made it look like i had entered a local wet t-shirt competition anyhow.

Anyway dollies! Where was I? For some reason i’ve had a jolly good bundle of my exes cross my mind path today. I’m in a good mood, so i’m wanting to be friends with them all. I’m good like that. Unless they really did actually hurt me. I’m one of those tragic hopeless romantics..but with an uncontrollable passion. I love to love. Yet i’m finally getting it right. Passion makes me run wild. It’s sort of good to have it reined in. However not to the point where you find yourself chained to a desk for 8 hours, planning an ecsape route in diamantes. Lord help me!

Everyone keeps aksing me about my book. It’s in editing and that’s all i know. I must’ve made a lovely sexy bunch of grammatical errors. Yippeee! Or just talked so much shit that they needed to drain it of colour. I’m really excited about it all. Nervous, but excited. I’m nervous because i wrote it. (Heaven help me. *Downs gin.*) Yet i’m excited and extremely grateful that i’m weirdly managed to life a tragical life of boobies, boys, Hollywood and bliss and actually have it labelled as ‘book worthy’ to the point where it will go on the shelves of our nations bookstores. I don’t know how i managed it. However don’t underetsimate the power of rolling your shit in glitter.

Anyway, i’ve got to get back to being a Mummy. Loverboy actually told me that i wasn’t allowed to dump him, after he had done all my house up. Lol. That’s how secure he feels. I’m obviously a great girlfriend. My boss totally perved on me today.

Other than all that i will tell you that i was informed that i look like a ‘luxury inflatable s dolly.’ Love that! Does make the ego giggle. I’ve decide that EVERYBODY needs a WAZZA. He is an cyberland GURU and well controls EVERY TINY LITTLE THING, that you see online in Wunna-land. I’d wither away without him and simply because (in his words) i’m like a ‘cyber spastic.’

I need to work out. I’m too old to do the ‘lets just not eat bread’ for a week thing now. UGH! Don’t grow old. Well do..but..well i don’t know. I terrified of the hate mail that comes with anything i say.. I’m doing well now. Therefore whilst you all adore me, i’m not willing to trip up ovver my ballsy tongue juts yet. ‘Bad tongue. Naughty tongue.’

I spent a lot of time having to get rid of the evidence today. Know that the ‘getting rid of the evidence’ actually took longer than doing the crime. Not worth it. Especially when you have such great hair. But anyhow i’m looking forward to a night of Baby Ruby, red wine, and ‘Jersey shore.’ I love my guidos! (Eww..Loverboy keeps going on about how Ruby’s hair is all curly now, like his. He thrives on the fact that she may grow up to have Bill Cosby hair. However, Wazza has assured me that she has simply inherited my perm from the 90’s. 🙂

I’m off now kittens. Love you. Thankyou for following my life!

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