Luckily, i got done with wallowing in ‘i’m bored’ self pity and with a *shimmie* and a pull of myself together, i managed to find myself in a rather busy situation. (I’m actually meant to be at ‘Fire’ in Leeds tonight. Yet i just did feel up to it. These days i’m really happy just chilling. The thought of being preggo, not being able to drink, all dolled up in some miniest of dresses, in heels, in the cold and around people i don’t really know, feels not only daunting, but also pointless.) I’m actually quite impressed with myself for being a good mum….naturally. I thought i was bored. Yet really i’ve got it pretty decent and down to my own hard work.
I put on my pyjamas at some rather ‘lost my Friday feeling’ o clock. Realized, i actually have a lot to be getting on with. Then *smiled* over the fact that it was actually ALL work. My good time hobbies, that i would usually file under ‘Play’ is now my work. It confuses me…but i love it. I’ve sorted out my cosmetics line and played tamper with the logo. I mean, it hasn’t even absorbed yet? 64 products of lush lippy stickies, blushes,bronzers and decadent shimmers…that will all be under my brand. WTF? It’ s amazing. That’s only the beginning. Yeah, it’s taking a long time to ‘kitty cat’ it all together. But it’s being made and then sold in America firstly and then the land that birthed me, will follow. I actually have stuff to do…fun stuff…i just never realize it because all my friends around me have jobs the completely despise, which fools me into believing ‘work’ is not something you should enjoy. I followed my passion, took gambles and played with fire. Now, i’m being given the opportunity to have three things that i adore, which is my blog, make-up and ME… be my work. I forget it is work…and that is why i’m lucky. It’s weird when you have your ‘dream come true,’ it’s forever a hard thing to absorb. Now i’m sober…i can appreciate it more, instead of ginning myself out of complete reality and not actually being able to fully see what i’ve achieved. I always thought i was some drunken floozy who got lucky. But i’m actually a drunken floozy, who worked really hard. Well done me.
After getting over myselfand my pity bucket of boredom. I placed on polka dot pyjamas, surrounded myself with kittens, cuddled up by my Mother’s fireplace and worked. I worked hard and got lost in a merry world of ‘dreams come true.’ I sorted out my book, did research on the different brands of popular makeup, Googled the history of people who i believe have done both well and badly with their personal PR, studied my country and then took time out to spend with my mother. (My phone rang the whole way through this time, full of people who wanted to go out.) I’m being oddly far more disciplined then i ever thought i would be. I will always remember my ex-hubby Michael NEVER EVER going out, and always, always working hard at home or just chilling with ME..his wife. He told me ‘the scene’ would always be there and that when he was successful, he could party all he wanted…if he wanted. All that mattered was his craft. He was right! I watched it happen before my very eyes. It’s just that saying that i keep repeating, ‘people get ahead in the time that others waste.’ I’ve wasted a lot of time in life. But now…i’m totally getting it. I’m happy. I’m strong. And i’m doing whatever i want.
Right now, i’m preggo (one of the most beautiful things) i have a lot of time on my hands and therefore a lot to dedicate on my ‘loves.’ (Work, Loverboy & Family.) My Mum sat me down and told me i was different from everyone else, yet always strive to be normal. I’m apparently not meant to feel bad for not feeling or being normal. I have a different path…and a whole lot of luck on my side.