Love to love you Baby

Day of rest for Me today!! Yipppeee! I was supposed to be jiggery-pokkering down to ‘The Capital’ today, yet (and it’s going to sound lame) but i just needed a ‘timeout,’ a nap, a perch, a moment to absorb all that is happenning to Me. This Glamour Puss is accidently on her way up and my body is Va Vooming forward. However my soul is playing catch up. It’s having a fag break, a strut and a hair toss.

Isn’t life amazing today and simply because it’s sunny. Like i’m literally going to topless sunbathe, surrounded by garden, cocktails and well hopefully a strange man will appear out of nowhere and start feeling me up and hopefully it won’t be the gardener…as i really don’t appreciate bits of mowed lawn in my ‘Mary Poppins.’ (Again.) I’ve gotten really into being naked and dancing around in a mirror to that ‘Love, sex, Magic’ song, by JT & Ciara. It’s all fun at first. I feel all FREEEE and liberated. But then i stop, look around and feel a bit odd after a while and have to run away crying. My kittens just stare up at me wishing they at a better upbringing.

Lots is happening to me right now and i’m oddly taking it in my stride. No doubt i’ll get bored with comitting to doing ‘fuck all’ today and end up working somehow. I miss being a lady of leisure, but i guess i still am one? I’m one that greets her subjects, gets her jubblies out and films her tragical life. The only thing that could make it much better, would be party poppers, dancing boys, being chased by ‘willies’ (that’s happened to me before) and maybe an odd moment of dildo-ing. You know your life is rubbish when you no longer have the time to ‘Buddha palm’ it. (OOh laa.) I haven’t visted my den of masturbation in ages. My vagina doesn’t even KNOW my hand anymore. It’s like an ex, that never calls you back. (‘Hey, it’s me again. I guess you’re busy…call me.’ Downs another wine. Takes another ‘happy pill.’)

‘Latin Lover’ called me last night and oh boy was he the sweetest of treats. He never fails to woo me. We talk to each other in this odd baby language. It’s really quite disturbing, yet at the same time ‘magical.’ Infact, i’m quite popular with the fellas right now. Lot’s are pulling sneaky moves on me from out their merry arse. You can’t trick me into dating you. I find it uncomfortable. Yet it is hilarious because men always try and pull these lines on me, after terribly mis-judging my character. They think i have no idea? I’ve dated so many men from all different walks of life..a straight forward man (who does not come decorated in bullshit) usually works best for me. Oh and it helps if your a sexy bitch! I can smell you out, before you think i can. I’ve mastered the art of ‘The Bimbo’ it doesnt mean i am one.

My boobs are swollen today, therefore if i’m smart i’ll use them to my advantage. (Diamonds for a peeky!) I kinda said i wan’t doing anything today, but i do actually have a Burlesque class tonight at 6.30pm in Leeds. I’m quite excited, but all that gyrating puts my back out. I look ridiculous, but that’s probably why i love it. I’m humoured by a bunch of women in a room oddly gyrating at each other…to learn the art of being ‘sexy’ to music. I hope i make friends with them. Nobody wants to talk to me. They all talk to each other, then stare at me…but i think it’s because i ordered beer mid-class. If they don’t play with me, i’ll just destroy everything until they do. All smiles! Where’s my baby oil?

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