Lock up your grandads

You know you’re sort of ‘out to lunch, back in 5 minutes’ when you dream of Mr.Miyagi, strippers, then Mr.Miyagi with strippers, then an ugly fat bloke, who then leads you into a mystery room (i love mystery rooms in dreams) where he gets on all fours, bends over and makes you, (and some lesbian) slap him as hard as you can repeatedly with a school ruler!! That is seriously what i dreamt of!! (hahahahahah) And the most messed up part is that it is all made up of tiny pieces of things that have actually occured in my real life…but jumbled into one!!!

I’ve decided to fancy old men, and i mean ‘old’ as in over the age of 69. I think they’re the cutest little things. All slow, gentle, dribbley and with eyes full of memories. Well maybe, not fancy, but definitely accessorize. Old random grandpas are the new essential thing to carry around with you. Soooo cute. There’s this one i know on the stroke ward!! (I love saying ‘stroke’ ward.) Anyway, his name is Arnie…he thinks he’s in Hawaii. When the nurses aren’t looking, i hula dance around his bed. I mean if he thinks he’s in Maui, then lets give him a show, right?? I suggested umbrella drinks, next time, and maybe on our third date, i’ll ‘put out.’ (haha)  Arnie’s so adorablely old, that he has no idea what ‘put out’ means. He said, ‘Put what out?’ (Aww…!) Exactly!!

Anyway, it’s a lovely day, life is good, i’ve been calling my friends from all over the world, (because i don’t have to pay for the calls) and well my earrings make me look like an exotic asian Pat Butcher. Woo-hoo!!! HOT!!! Shit, i’ve just realised it’s September!!

1 thought on “Lock up your grandads”

  1. september is the bollox the best month of the year as it is when i turned up and 11 days till vegas get up there to all the sceptics lock up your daughters birds coz scratchys coming. im pleased uare making arnie happy chrissie. but u can never ever look like any regions form of fat pat take care chrissie tada scratch


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