I’ve filmed all day & it’s almost felt like a euphoric bliss. I don’t know what’s happening to me right now? It’s almost like a glorious gather of lucky stars have hovered above me and are shining..no…beaming some kinda magical light upon my world.
I feel really close to ‘Dreams Come True.’ I shouldn’t say that, because simply living life, with my babies everyday IS a dream come true. It really is.
Yet, I’m feeling really lucky and somewhat powerful right now. That power is self love and a confidence that at 39… is irrepressible. I’m pretty happy,
But i think I’m just in mild shock because as things are steadily changing (again,) yet certainly for the better, this time…It’s almost overwhelming. I can’t believe it? But why can’t I? I’ve worked so incredibly hard to get here & baby step up…It’s taken focus, sacrifice, years…Why can’t I believe it?
If I was going to tell you something about me, i’d tell you that in my life so many incredibly terrible things have happened to me. You’d be shocked. Anything that you could think of has or nearly has occurred…to the point where that fear, ain or panic was felt, conquered and overcome with love. I don’t know how I managed it? But I did.
I was never alone. I have the most wonderful family. I’m really lucky.
I’ve always lived by the fact that good things happen to good people. All you need is love. That’s always what I had!!
The bad things made me feel human. The conquering of them made me feel like a Queen.
However, at the same time….the most AMAZING things have happened to me in my life. The most believabley, joyous moments of happiness, luck and dreams come true!! I would never have believed it as a little girl. I envisioned it everyday. But I dunno? I well no…as a little Burmese girl, from Doncaster, I believed it would happen.
As I got older there were times or moments where I gave in. But I found my track…and with a smile I galloped onward with my heart in the right place.
Right now, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I’m most together I’ve ever felt. Ruby and Junior feel on top of the world. Work is brimming with excitement. (I’ve ‘booked’ so much this last week, only to ‘book’ two more films this week? It’s crazy! It’s incredible. I’m so so grateful. I just can’t believe it!)
My love life….It’s exactly the same as always.
I don’t really pay much attention to it anymore, because it doesn’t seem to make my priority list? I don’t feel lonely. I don’t feel unloved or lost.
I feel happy. I feel full!
I don’t know whether it’s because I don’t let people in or whether I’m too picky or if they’re just not the right person?
Obviously on my ‘socials’ I have quite an eager male following and I love it. I’m very flattered. I like that they’re there. It feels good to wake up every morning and read through their comments.
Sure I’ve been in dodgy situations before. I’ve had real life stalkers who accidentally become infactuated. It was really bad. It was almost like they had travelled to a dark place in their mind and they’d become addicted. I wasn’t a person to them anymore. I was a drug, a prize, a trophy, a project. They saw me as lots of things…but not a person.
And I’m not talking ‘ooh, let’s look at a few pics and stalk her on insta.’ I’m talking real like following me through my day, posting crazy notes through my letterbox. Once I got off a train, and removed my faux fur coat, on the platform. I tucked it under my arm and my phone ‘pinged.’
It was a text that read,
‘Yeah…it is kinda warm today, isn’t it.’
I didn’t know the number. I didn’t know who it was… I didn’t know how they got my number?
For ages, I had to be kept safe.
But that was a long time ago.
Now things are different. Things are glorious. They’re lovely. I feel strong. I’m well balanced. I get it. I get life. I understand myself, what I stand for. I’m really comfortable in my own skin. Almost too comfortable these days. Lol.
Life is good. I’m filming. The rest of the year is exciting. I’m ready to turn 40 in December. The babies are happy and working.
I have luck and life on my side, right now. I feel really focused. I’ve really knuckled down when it comes to work and filled Wunna land with absolute love. Ruby, Junior and I are beaming!
I have a very serious situation happening in October. The kids and I are ready for it! I will have a lot to say afterward. However just not now. So ‘be learnt a lot of things from this particular situation. Hundreds of things.
However, what i’ll tell you is that some people because of the experiences that have occurred in their own life choose to dance in the darkness. Others choose to dance in the light.
I’m not on this Earth to dwell in anger or self pity. I’m not that person. I’m filled with love and I’m here to inspire, create and make people feel, love and smile.
That’s my superpower. That’s my strength.
Today has been great and right now life feels just so wonderful!