Just got off the phone to someone who means quite a great deal to me…but in the short time that i’ve known them, i’ve sort of just realized that i never ever was my ‘real’ self with them and due to a sincere amount of misjudgement on my part…i guess i kind of expected them to fall for the ‘Chrissie Wunna- Vixen/Bimbo’ me and didn’t trust that they would love the ‘who i really am’ me. But they would’ve. And for the first time in the whole time i’ve known them…i actually talked to them as me. He was surprised that i had any depth. (Which sort of shocked me??)
I’m really different to how pretty much all of you percieve me and that’s my own fault, as i obviously haven’t done myself any favours. If you could see how I am with say my real friends (the ones i went to school with etc) & family, you’d be shocked. And vice versa. As i’m not really that much of a ‘DIVA’…i hardly ever swear (i actually think it’s rude)…i’m quite quiet, quite shy (still fun though), extremely down to earth and just sort of normal. I’m never bad to anyone really…I don’t take anything for granted and i’m grateful for all the simpliest things. I’m happy.
I’m an intellect more than i am anything. I spent every morning in LA at a bookstore. I never wanted to be a Model. I always wanted to perform, but intended on being a writer…. I have traditional values on things. Most things. I’m positive..look for the good in everything. I play bitchy…but i don’t have it in me. I hate violence. I think it’s terrible. I love’ love.’ When i fall in love…i’m alive. I’ll do anything to save something i really care about. Heart and soul. Underneath 10 feet of crap, I’m a hopeless romantic. I never really was a slag. (Hence why it’s funny saying it.) I thought you guys would get that…but yeah you kinda didn’t. lol
I’m a proper girly girl and will cry at a chick flick that isn’t even sad. I’m sensitive, with a silent strength. I’m not gossip whore. I rarely ever talk bad about people. If you look, the main person i ‘dis’ is Me. I don’t take myself seriously. I’m a spooner (lol…i love that word.) I believe in fairytales, good manners, hard work and that dreams come true. I’m highly sarcastic.I have a great sense of humour. I never give up on anything i care about. I see the good in most and believe every being is cut from the same fabric. I hate to see people being treated badly. I wish upon stars. (Even at 28) I’d choose flowers over a dildo any day (hard to believe, not really if you knew me.) I’ve put on the act …because i thought it’ s what is expected of me. I’m a lot more ‘good girl’ than i am bad. Infact, i’ve never really been that bad. I might say i have though. (wink) But i still know how to have a good time. I’m fun loving…but a lot more gentle than you would believe. I’m soft and i’ll let you get away with anything. I’m really understanding, and completely non-judgmental. I don’t care what your history is…i’ll always treat you with respect. I’m strong and bubble over with ‘joie de vivre.’ My friends and I sit and laugh at how everythinks i am. I do too. It’s just a bit of fun. Get to know me…before you start to single me out as something. You’ll be surprised at what you find..
This guy said something to me a bit ago, (that he knew i wouldn’t like) and he truely believed that i would react in ‘Chrissie Wunna/Fuck You-storm off, diva-diva’ kinda way. Infact he was completely shocked that i reacted in the way that i did? (Which was loving, open and honest.) And when i asked him why he thought i’d react in a ‘evil diva’ way? He said because i had made him believe i was that way…. To be honest it’s the first time i’ve ever been my genuine self with him…I had no idea how people actually percieved me? Crazy isn’t it.. all this needs to change.