Lazy Little Glamour Puss and Boys

Woke up to a text message reading ‘Lazy cunt’ from my friend Adam, who has returned from whoring it in Vegas with P.Diddy. I didn’t really miss him. So i wasn’t too bothered. I did however miss the abuse. So he’s back on my list of ‘ Must-haves.’ I’m currently in a dress, diamonds and heels, with ‘luxury’ hair for no other reason than ‘GREATNESS.’ I don’t have anything to do until after 4pm. I have an underwear shoot. I was supposed to be meeting someone at 6pm in London outside Topshop on Oxford Street for a quick run down of events. (They’re hiring me to host one of their shows. FOOLS!! I tells ya! But I can’t wait.) Due to forgetting that i was on a shoot in Manchester, (Chin up, boobs out and purrr…) I now can’t make my meeting in London. Ugh!

All my LA friends are missing me. Apparently life isn’t the same without my drunken presence. They got so use to having me around, that i became part of the furniture. I’m like a dusty local celebrity. I am moving back home to Hollywood shortly. I’m simply using my birth place, (like a ‘Slag’ ) to try and make my cheeky ‘mark ‘on it. When i do, i will venture back to the comfort of the tinsel. However, I’m  not leaving until i have. I’ll burn this bitch down, before i actually give up. (Haha! Not really, i’m far too beautiful to be burning things. Dont hate!) Someone keeps calling my mobile ‘Unknown.’ Please don’t do that. Revealing yourself is a much easier way to talk to me. Unless, you are pranking me. Then you are very brave. I just had a guy tell me to ‘Kiss it Wunna’ (after i laughed at his discomfort) via IM. Someone forgot to take their ‘happy pills’ this morning. Give that bitch a slice of bread!!

There’s this other guy in Vegas who is hitting on me right now. His family owns oil or something boring like that?  He’s cocky and believes that although he has an uneccessary amount of EGO, i’m HOT enough to take him over. I like that come on. 10 points to you sir! It was a lot better than the one i recieved three days ago, from a boy, via the fine art of a Hip Hop music video. I had rappers telling me he wants to ‘Flip and Reverse’ me. (LOL! Genius.) I’d be a bit sore wouldn’t i? I also had a gentleman assure me he didn’t have ‘rice crispies’ (code for herpes) on his cock, after i reminded him of all the disgustingly delicious stories i had heard about him on holiday. If we’re talking herpes, before a first date…then you know it’s headed for eternal damnation.I’m immune to herpes. All my other STD’s kills it off, i think? ‘Dreamboat’ has just text me with an ‘I miss you beautiful. Be with me.’ (Sends a tingle down my spine.)He’s off doing wonderful things with his liFe and well i’m… whatever….i’m being a SUPERSTAR!!! I deserve it with a last name like ‘Wunna.’

I’m going to spend time writing my book today, and not toss it off to play ‘lady of leisure.’ I’m so use to being out and about and living my life. Y’know making the most of what i have, that it’s hard to discipline yourself to sit down and write. Yet i do it with my blog, like it’s a religion. And it is! I think i have to choose my choices and not feel pressured. Yet I’m not really being pressured? So i guess i’m just lazy. Whocares, i have the best ‘Purrr…’

‘Wazza’ (who runs this site) believes i’m the reincarnation of Colonel Sanders (The KFC dude) because he apparently died, THREE days before the day of my birth. I was always under the misconception that i was something far more exotic like ‘Cleopatra.’ But i guess i just liked greasy fried chicken? I’m currently being asked if it’s bad to make fun of ‘deaf people?’ ‘YES,’ it is. But it’s not like they can hear you. (That was awful. Time in hell.)

Ooh i feel all guilty now, i have to go. Keep it ‘Sexual!’

23 thoughts on “Lazy Little Glamour Puss and Boys”

  1. In my defense… You didn’t txt me BEFORE I flew out to Vegas… and I could’ve like – totally caught Pig Flu and died….

    Besides – you went to Manchester!! Jealous much!!

    Reply
  2. I did text you , you bitch. And please, swine flu would diss you! Its far to fly, to play with such a trollop.

    I miss u. Thank god u are back!

    Oh look ur lover is above

    Reply
  3. You didn’t txt me on the day of departure!!
    I’ll have you know Swine Flu did want to play with me!! We had a little fling and it went on its merry little way to some Mexican Child with no name…

    I know right, I’d miss me too!! Thank God I’m always around me!!

    Itchy and Scratchy shoooooooooooow xx

    Reply
  4. I’ve checked both phones… and you LIE!!

    I bet it was somebody else you txt’d in your half-awake-drunken-state… YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME WITH ANOTHER QUEER!!!!!!!

    I HATE YOU

    Reply
  5. Hunni, NOBODY can argue with me – not unless they like losing anyways…

    Face it. This isn’t the first time you’ve gone down, and we all know it won’t be your last… You lose.

    Reply
  6. Right, I need to sleep… Yes, it’s the middle of the afternoon – yes I’m a lamo – no I couldn’t give a fuck… Adam needs sleep and Adam needs it right fucking NOW!!!!

    And when Adam wakes up, there better be some sort of alcoholic beverage waiting for him or there will be heads rolling!

    Reply

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