My eyes are sooo stingy! They feel like they’ve been poked repeatedly by hard finger tipped apes, in thongs. OUUUUCH! *Sad face!* I’m super dooper hormonal right now (when you’re preggo this shit happens.) Therefore instead of getting my monthly perios, instead i get weepy, angry, then more weepy. It’s fun…if you’re INSANE!!
Last night, i cried at Big Brother, adverts, had flashbacks of my past 9good and bad)…cried that all of them too. Decided no-one adored me enough, wallowed in self pity (oh the joys,) then got mad at myself and insanely STRESSED with all my book drama, to finally scream, moan and angry text people, before Thursday Aug 26th ended and i feel asleep. Yipppee! If i was drinking, a vodka-bitter lemon would have sorted all that out. Do not underestimate the powers of a tipple. Ofcourse going crazy with your booze intake will not only make you ever so sad, when you find yourself with your panties by your ankles, saying the Lord’s Prayer to Mr. Regret and his hot shirtless friend. (I’ve learnt this lesson. It’s not fun.) But a little sipperoo, when needed is better than filling up with negativity, (I can’t drink, so therefore i’m angry! 🙂 )
For some reason last night, i thought the book was going to go all wrong. I’m dead insecure right now and need to behandled with kitten gloves. Loverboy’s been working a great deal this week, so i’ve had to wing life on my own. Dangerous! I’ve become so used to having him around, that when he is no longer available, i started panicking and searching around for a life jacket!
I thought my agents were wanting me to write my whole entire book in long, boring ‘no-one will read it like that’ autobiography form. Which is basically what i DON’T want! I want it to be in diary entrie form, memoir form and i have no problmes putting it together like that in order for the entires to make sense. Like the best of my blogs. However, i just DON’T WANT and WILL NOT…do it like an ordinary book. The cutesness of it, is that it’s in diary form, that’s been cut down to 40,00-60,000 words.
Due to my difficultness, i am now meeting the book kittens at 12 noon on Thursday in Manchester for a discussion. I’ve always been a girl that knows what she wants. I’ve never wavered. So hopefully, i’ll beable to do things my way. 🙂 I just have a gut feeling, a good one and i think for the first time, i actually know what i’m doing..after always having to follow someone else’s formula and watching it fail. But yes, it’ll all get sorted and yes…it WILL be in short, fun, humourous diary form, in book format! (I am stressed out.)I don’t want it to be the same everything else. I want it to be new. Plus, the book is based on my blog, which is based on my life. Wazza and I came up with it all and made it popular (accidentally) and by ourselves….so we must have been doing something right. I just don’t want people to come on board and change everything.
Another thing that getting my *nibblies* all stressed is the fact that i’m getting fatter. Yes, i’m pregnant and that is going to happen. However, i’ve never really had to battle the bulge as such in life, therfore it’s quite a bizarre thing to get your head around. It definitely does a number on your head and i finalyl know what it’s like to maybe be a bit less body confident that normal. It’s not that i’m getting fat that’s bothering me. It’s the fact that i’m just giving up and LETTING myself get fat that’s annoying me. I’m not used to a *surrender.* So i’m mildy going insanely mentally ill. Woohoo! (If i was less stubborn. I’d get less far! Remember that dollies.)
I do actually feel a lot better, after my big cry last night. I feel relieved, but have now ended up with some dodgey headache. I’m spending the whole day shopping at Meadowhall, simply to take my mind of things. I’m the Queen of fun and laughter, so this isn’t ME! If i just enjoy my life…and love it, i’ll bounce back. (Why am i getting a *Flashback* of my es-hubby sat on our old sofa, in nothing but a cowboy hat and boots, doing a sad face ebcause i wouldn’t sleep with him? I loved that time in my life. Yet i’m kinda glad it’s over. Note: i did sleep with him in the end, and because his sad face made him look sooo cute…sort of like an unloved, naked…cowboy?)
I need to call Pete and apologise for being a bitcheroo to him last night. I hate it when he’s not around because i feel emotionally abandoned. Luckily, it’s nothing a long shopping trip can’t handle. I just need to treat myself. Retail therapy ALL THE WAAY! I need ot get my pretty self back to ‘positive’ and let the good times start a rolling. (I’m even in pink jogging bottoms today..with heels and diamond earrings, and an ‘I *heart* Me’ tank top. If you see me at Meadowhall, please remember…kitten gloves. I’m fragile! lol)