Had sex last night! Now, i haven’t had a bit of rumpy in ages, due to my
‘Humpty Dumpty’ circumstances. (I don’t even know why I refer to myself as ‘Humpty Dumpty.’ He fell off a fricking wall. I drank pink shots at a big gay bar in Leeds and ended up pregnant? Hardly a nursery rhyme. Plus i’ve probably dated all the Kings men..and felt up the soldiers. They put me back together again…but broken.) However, anyway yeah. Last night Loverboy and I…enjoyed a bit of ‘Treat me like i’m a bad girl.’ It’s kinda weird when you try to be slutty during preggo sex, because it half feels wrong, yet you don’t want to be a bedroom dis appointment. You’re like, ‘do i continue feeling up my own boobies to a series of my own delicious slaggy faces…oh…AAARGH…THERE’ S A BABY IN MY BELLY!!’ Luckily we muddled our way through it and I realized that when the gent that you adore, who adores you right back, hasn’t had a bit of ‘Hey Hey daddio’ with you in ages. But he has had 4 beers. He’s actually just happy with the fact that you’ve agreed to such ‘naughty naughty.’ Meaning that you don’t really have to put ya back into it. 🙂 I performed quite well, for a fatty, i think? Well he looked impressed anyway. Impressed is when they pass that stage of ‘ooh-ohh-tickle-tickle’ or awkward ‘I’m a man’ face and they submit to the angry caveman face…by accident, whilst they pump. Immediately afterward, i waddled to the bathroom and tissue wiped up. Placed on my preggo nappy and fell asleep in his arms. He held a face of utter contentment. I slooowly wondered what was happening to my belly? The contractions (pretend ones) began! I couldn’t even flipping WALK this morning. It felt like I had a head in my vagina. (Yes…yes, very funny. Not that kind of head. Even worse..the head of a child! See this is what I have to deal with now. How the hell can I be ‘glamour puss -pout-pout’ when i have children’s heads trying to poke their way out of my ‘Poppins,’ whenever they so please.) NOT HOT! I had to almost crawl to the bathroom to do my morning wee. A wee that I seem to thoroughly enjoy. (Yes..I am a loser. Back off.) I can’t decide whether i’m just a pathetic mess of a lucky, glittery, diamond dripped kitten, that is simply about to begin an entire legacy of children. Or i’m just Greatness? When that happens..you know you’ll make a hilarious bundle of history! ( Mental note: I need to finish my book today!)
Right now, i’m having a chai tea latte. I found a bit of black pudding on my shirt. (Wahey..sexual.) I can’t believe a drag queen went on ‘Take Me Out.’ (Now, we all know, i’m all for a Drag Act. But I KNOW girly girls and when we date, we want to date a man’s man and not a lovely who will try and out ‘Jessica Rabbit’ us on nights out, on the razzle.) I love how they attempted to see who was opened minded enought to keep their ‘light’ on. And oh look…helllo Britain. No-one. 🙂 To be honest. I wouldn’t have either. There’s only room for one Diva. Plus, i just couldn’t shag a drag queen. (*Flashback* of how i accidentally found myself in the dressing room behind a stage, that I had randomly happened to crawl up upon, at ‘The Black Cap,‘ in Camden. Jonny wanted to perform and being his absolute non-brave self *rolls eyes.* I went back there to find the manager to ask if he could sing. God knows how i ended up next to a Drag Queen, half DRAG, half MAN?? ( She had just done her set. The red sequinned dress was still on, but the wig was flung onto the dressing table, by a small glass of gin, that had lipstick stains all over the rim.)
Loverboy and I have our usual Sunday dinner afternoon at his parents this afternoon. The Wunna’s are still frolocking around Burma, without Me. I bet my Mum’s enjoying all the good press 🙂 her daughter has created out there for her. I love the Burmese I do. Yet they aren’t half ‘off button’ sometimes. I mean, i read a newspaper article stating that I should become the new ruler of their country (good choice) …and because I know, Paris Hilton. Why not pick a ‘being’ who actually knows how to run a country? Wacky concept, i know! I think i need a word with that evil dictator man, running their country. I’m sure we could come to a resonable over rum and a card game. (I don’t play cards…ever.)
No baby yet. It’s Valentines Day tomorrow. Hopefully you’ve snagged yourself a bit of romance. Be it fun, forever, or for now. I’m reading all of your messages. I’m finishing off my book. I’m thoroughly loving maternity leave…and i’m knackered. Keep it delicious.
Chrissie Wunna x