Nothing is more disappointing when you just *hear* the wrong thing. It doesn’t matter whether that ‘wrong’ thing is the fact that you didn’t get a job, you didn’t win the prize, you didn’t get the grades, you didn’t get invited or you aren’t as loved as you hoped you would be. Hearing the wrong thing, is always bad and certainly upsetting as time goes by. But in those moments I’ve sort of just learnt to breathe it out, say nothing and move forward emotionally. People are in control of their own feelings. Even if they push the blame of their own feelings on others, they are still responsible for that feeling and the way they feel about anything really. I know, i’ve been there. It’s not the funnest feeling, but it sure as hell happens. #goodie #not
So, last night, although boring for me, as both my kiddies had been allocated out…I sort of dilly dallied and thought really hard inbetween bits of this: 🙂 When bored, do wine and picture taking. I’d be hit on all day by what seemed like every single male in existence, during afternoon drinks with sexy friends. So it was kinda dull to be sat at home and have no-one to ‘snap back to reality’ with. I did wine. I did photos. I did ‘posting’ them everywhere. 🙂
I’ve sort of begun my whole glammy kitten thing again and I forgot how it makes the masses respond. Anyone would’ve thought that I was walking down the street in nothing but nipple tassles and heels, yesterday afternoon. ‘Walking..windy…honk…honk…sitting…drinking…can I have your number…blah…blah…’It reminded me of LA, as the boys there aren’t shy and they’ll hang out of their cars ‘hollering’ at you until you love them. I spent my 20’s not even being able to leave the house without cars filled with horny men, curb crawling or shouting ‘ooh laa’ at me, the entire time I was visible. It got so crazy that there was a point where I suffered from anxiety when I was on my own. I needed to have someone with me…like a mask. It was hilariously odd. But I wouldn’t change a thing. It made me learn men very quickly. That was my normal existence. That was my history and probably very different to the history of any of the girls here in Yorkshire. Yet i adore the girls that understand and don’t at all care about the chicks that don’t. Lol. They usually being their journey with me via ‘hate.’ Not a good first impression, as it’s the same as a fake nicery.
Yesterday in Yorkshire, it felt like those LA days, but on a less glamourous level. 🙂 I don’t know what it is about me that stirs them, but it does? A lot has happened to me in my life with men and at the same time as meeting horrific ones, i’ve met a lot of amazing ones. Nonetheless, I always said that the one that remained my ‘forever’ would be the most impressive one and the one that openly declared his heart romantically and always. He had to be the strongest man alive. I could pick when I was young…so i could set a standard like that. I’ve taken that standard with me, right into my 30’s. I’m a loving girl, wrongly and often labelled ‘a bitch’ by those who don’t know me or those who have done ME wrong. I know what I want, when I want it and what is going to work.
I heard the wrong thing last night. It altered something. Yet the good thing about hearing the wrong thing , is that you’ve probably heard the truth and nothing is more positive than the truth. That’s the good thing. Plus, it didn’t end on the ‘wrong hearing’ didn’t end on a bad note. I just have to decide if it was meant the way I took it. I don’t know if I felt betrayed or hurt? Or if i felt disrespected? But I know the main thing i felt was ‘real,’ because I have been in the exact same frame of mind of what I ‘wrong heard’ soooo many times through life and each time, i’ve never ever given anything chance or time to recover from that feeling. I’ve just snipped it away, grabbed my heels and run, so that I didn’t get hurt and didn’t waste my time. Hence why i’ve been in so many unsuccessful relationships. I never let time heal them…when it could’ve so. So hearing what I heard, triggered off bad memories for me and a bad feeling because of how I have acted upon that feeling previously in my own life. It never seems to end up good because I always thought that once that spark had flittered that was it. However, according to wiser people the spark is something that comes and goes…yet it should always be there enough, even on a low emb, to manage to hold on positively and know of a better time. I’ve just always thought in love the person that is your forever will always see the good in you no matter what because that is what i’m used to from the people who love me and the people who have loved me correctly. The ‘wrong hearing’ incident just didn’t fall right, i think. I’m a sensitive girl. It just didn’t fall correctly.
Ruby was with Daddy Pete and I missed her madly. She had a ‘stay over’ and she loved it. As soon as she came home the house lit up. She’s just like me and i love her for it. Every inch of her personality IS ME, that’s why i share this massive fondness and connection with her. I understand her fully. I can never ever be mad at her. But see what I mean…that’s love. She’s wonderful and well I can certainly say that a house is not a home unless you have it filled with family. Friends don’t count because they’ll never love you as much as your family do, ever. I missed having her running around the house. It was SO GOOD to have her home this morning! Made my day!
But yes. I did lunchy posh drinks yesterday and well this evening i’ve decided to let loose and have some fun. I haven’t in ages and well i have a dress on it’s way to me, i’m gloriously glamming up and i’m off to *shimmie-giggle* at a gentleman’s business, bitty, doo-dah. All those in big business will be there and so it’s important to be able to have fun and network at the same time. It’s all about who you know. I don’t like to waste time. If i’m out, I’m networking and letting others waste their time. Plus, tonight is catered to business networking in our local area. I like money. Lets make it. Invite only.
On the whole I feel positive. It’s funny because I had a conversation last night about dreams, and goals. I know what I want in life and out of life and it’s silly when people don’t think I do. I’ve done EVERYTHING, I have ever wished for it life and fast. I’ve managed to do it fast out of determination and having the funds and means to be able to achieve it. I wanted to move to Hollywood. I did. I wanted to be a model. I did. I wanted to marry a movie star..I did..and that was all before I was 24.
Then I wanted to come home. I did. I wanted to continue my career. I did. I wanted to be on a tv show. I did it. I wanted to fall in love and start a family. I did. Basically..you get what i’m saying.
I’m not one to be underestimated.
Don’t be forgetting that! I’ve done a lot in life and achieved massively. I’m super proud of myself and well it’s only really the beginning.
The most successful beings are the ones that can ‘lay a foundation from the bricks that others throw at them.’
But first, you need to get your priorities right!
Ps/ Perception and what people hear or make you think is a BIG thing. It’s crazy. If you’re not there and living it all the time. You don’t know. For example, i heard someone make a passing comment, in a derogatory fashion this morning, briefly but certainly…and aimed at me also. This person doesn’t known the full situation. Yet the crazy thing is that the person they had made the flying derogatory comment about had actually, even the EVENING before stated how much they held that being in their highest regards. Terrible isn’t it. Judge your characters properly. See stories for how they really are.