Hi. How are you all? Hope you’re well. It’s July 4th. If you’re American, Happy Independence Day. I miss all my US friends, who i made so many amazing memories with, so badly. But I have them in my head and heart. Plus, i’ve seen you all, whenever you’ve flown through to England.
A zillion years ago, I arrived into LAX on July 4th and started my Hollywood journey, with nothing but a suitcase in my hand and that little bit of Yorkshire hope. After serving my decade in Los Angeles, i’m now back in the UK. I’m happy. But i loved my time there and who knows, one day I might ‘blink’ and find myself walking up 3rd and Kings once more.
I did so much in that time. Carved a career. Made some lifetime friends. Worked hard. Played harder. Made those dreams come true. I mean, I went from Stage school on a Saturday morning in Yorkshire, to all of a sudden walking into Warner Bros, Paramount and everywhere else, with my sides in my hand and a hope that i’d get the job. It was so much fun. I had a hard time. But the best time. I feel really lucky. Fair enough i made a lot of mistakes. I even managed to get divorced a couple times. I laughed a lot. I cried a lot. I told my story. But i did it. I lived my Hollywood dream and as long as you’re doing the things that make your heart smile, then you can never ever go wrong.
That town turned this little Asian/Yorkshire girl into a real woman.
So, Happy July 4th to all my dearest friends.
Also, to my UK people in ‘da house,’ If you have a business that re-opened for the first time today, I hope it went or IS going WELL! I send you all my love. I mean ‘lockdown’ effected everyone and certainly still is. We’re actually remaining safe here in Wunna land. However, i’m sure the babies and I will find ourselves tinkering to our favourite restaurants again soon.
Ruby and Junior (The Wunna Babies) have found a whole new kind of peace, y’know a solace at home, just chilling…and in a way, i’m really happy about it because like i said, we were close anyway, but now we couldn’t be tighter. It’s lovely.
Other than that….I’m Tiktoking…and I’ve kinda stuck to it because I love it. My followings growing slowly but surely. I’m almost at 2 million views. But that aside…(I mean i’m an oldie…i don’t need a giant follow count…) I’m genuinely adoring getting up there, out there, hitting the red record button and just performing. Everyone’s been so lovely to me on there and I couldn’t be more grateful. So thank you if you’re watching and thank you to the ‘sponsors’ who are knocking on the doors of Wunna Land to help promo their goods. I sincerly appreciate it.
I will say that i spent last night, eating an entire tub of ‘Chocolate Cherry Garcia’ ice-cream, by Ben & Jerry’s, whilst laid on my bed, in my little silky, soft kimono, watching ‘stud’ lesbians on my FYP. Haha.
I’m not kidding. I’m mesmerized by them. They’re amazing. I couldn’t fancy them more! Haha. I might just decide to be a lesbian during lockdown, because i swear, some of them are giving dudes a proper run for their money!
Lots of chicks have like a male celeb crush. When we’re chatting, we’ll all decide we fancy, I dunno…’David Beckham’ or ‘Chris Hemsworth?’ The usual ‘go to’s.’ But then, someone says…
‘Who’s ya girl crush?’
Then chicks’ll name girls like ‘Michelle Keegan’ or….’Michelle Keegan.’ (Haha..) But MINE and if you know me personally, you will know that my girl crush HAS ALWAYS been Ellen Degeneres. No joke. No word of a lie!
Now, after ice-cream and tiktoks, i’ve added Ria Demiri to the rosta. Ria is taking over Tiktok and making every single straight woman question their sexuality. Haha. I love it.
So there you have it, i’m single. All my ‘milkshake’ has certainly brought all the boys to my yard, kinda in a glitzy ‘dumper truck,’ which empties out on my cyber lawn daily. I’m a thousand percent grateful. I know there’s a soul mate in there somewhere. However, I might decide to just fancy chicks, if Mr. Right doesn’t show up with a badge on. I’m getting ‘thirst trapped’ on Tiktok by the lesbians and it ain’t so bad. Haha.
Away from that, back in the straight world. I keep going on about how i’m single, yet like i said, it’s not a bad thing. I like it. I’m happy. Yeah, i’m getting a lot of attention, but all girls do, i think?
However, quantity doesn’t mean quality. It doesn’t mean that i’m valued, does it? It just means that I’m just fancied and at 39, you know that.
What i’m looking for IS TO BE VALUED.
It’s not what guys says, it’s what they do and it’s certainly not a ‘numbers game’ to me. I’m not a child. It’s not a game at all. When choosing a partner, i’ll choose right this time…and i’ll do it steadily.
I’ve noticed though, that i’m not one to make the first move. i’m a confident girl, yet i never ever EVER slide into anyone’s dms or smooth on in.
I don’t know whether it’s because i’m old fashioned and i’m allowed to be because i’m 40 in December. There’s nothing like being a gentleman to win my heart. The amount of adult men trying to be fuck boys is not only laughable, but also odd to me? I see them as lost. Or not lost, just not on the same page as me, when it comes to the book of love. I’m not judging. I’ve been there. I mean my guy friend (Dylan) in LA, once said, during spagetti eating..
‘You’re on Page 2 Chrissie, when i’m on page 98.’
Anyway, I don’t know whether, i refrain from making the first move because I fear rejection, i have too much choice, i’m just not too bothered or i’ve just seen and heard a lot, that i want them to strut on in, like some kind of hero, filled with confidence and show me that they’re serious? I dunno?
Plus, i have a distorted view on marriage and stuff like that, because well…I’ve been there and got the divorce -tshirt, three times over. I’m doing well now…and the last thing i want is heartache and drama when The Wunna Babies are now so happy at home.
ALSO, i’m kind of feeling weird about the amount of ‘happily married men,’ so happy that they’re literally posting joyous, ‘i love my wife’ pictures on their Instagram pages…but then sending me a DM of their penis, 3 minutes afterward. Or asking me out, to meet up?
That’s not how i see or imagined marital bliss and I’m also ‘ain’t nobodies mistress.’ I’m not foolish enough to fall for it….at my age.
However, again I don’t judge them because i’ve definitely been in marriages before, where happiness hasn’t necessarily flown it’s flag. I didn’t know what to do. I felt suffocated.
Plus, I don’t actually lose any respect for them, for going on a DM slide. I get it.
But what makes me question their soul, or their manner is the simple fact that they’re humans, who are obviously not happy. But obviously aren’t brave enough to make a change, or go it alone.
That’s the part I don’t like. I don’t entertain it. I don’t like a scaredy cat. I also don’t think that disrespecting the person you claim to love is ever beautiful. If you don’t like something…change it. If you can’t, then get on with what you got and do it happily, without moaning or breaking their heart everyday, without them realizing.
I always say, in my life, i’ve NEVER made the best our of a bad bargain for long, because i know I only have one life to live.
I’m about to turn 40 in five months. It’s a bit of a shock to some, yet to me, not at all. It’s an absolute comfort. I don’t feel 25. I feel 39 and GOD it feels SO GOOD.
I’ve finally woken up and realised i’m a woman, a full ass, grown up woman, with values and confidence. I’m filled to the absolute brim with love and i’m excited to see where my next chapter takes me.
I believe we live in chapters.
I’ve been toddling along in lockdown with the rest of the world and i’ve kinda been concentrating on my career…which means so much to me.
Yeah, all the sets have been closed, but they’re now slowly re-opening, so i’m delighted. Of course it’s moving at a much slower pace. However, i’ve been auditioning, almost every few days. Rob…(who is the best agent in all the land… I’m repped by the ‘Imperial Artists Agency,’ in London, well he’s been checking in on me, to get me the best deals in town (haha) to baby step up to the next level.
I’m really grateful.
So work wise, my August is almost nearly fully booked up with work. If I book the feature, that i’ve now done all my callbacks for…..then my August looks pretty snazzy!
I’m really exciting.
Could 2020, still be my year?