What i learnt today is that, you can tell a lot about a person, by what they have in their grocery store basket!! I like to go to ‘Morrisons,’ and not because it’s better, yet simply because it’s nearest. There was this horrid skinny ‘work-out’ girl infront of me in line, with a basket full of leafy greeness. She was frowning at my basket of ‘Morrison’ goodies, from her lofty pedastal of green veggie ‘i don’t have a sex life’ goodness. Don’t know why.. as she seriously didn’t pick anything worth having. I don’t know what she runs on??? It was basically spewing over with all kinds of leaves, non fat this, soy crap that, leaf, leaf…sneaky snickers bar i have on a sunday, bull shit. It was full to the brim, of things that grow in the ground and it wouldn’t surprise me if she even had wildlife nesting under her iceberg wire cage of ‘value for money’ goods!! I believe she was slighly ashamed of my existance…lol. I didn’t care too much, yet i did want to ‘sonic boom’ her ass, off her merry high skinny ‘work-out’ horse, so i figured it was time to fling my chosen ‘Morrison’ goods on the belt!! It was like a ‘food-off.’ Unfortunately, i didn’t have much to beable to stick my middle finger up and sing ‘We are the Champions’ at her repeatedly, as i only managed to produce a very large can of ‘Red Bull,’ some scented wet wipes, gum, and a giant pack of express relief pain killers!! (Ooooooh yeah, girlfriend….put that in ya pipe and smoke it!!!) She smuggly half jog tottered, out of the joint, knowing that she could out run me!! hahaha! I don’t think i did too bad though?? The girl behind me only had doughnuts!! Either she was ‘Vanessa Feltz’s’ care taker or she was crapper than me at that game!!
After that i just went to the tanning salon, yet managed to get myself trapped inside the toilet, which also seemed to be used as a closet/ junk room? I peed next to a hoover, and an evening gown?? Weirdest toilet ever…and not even because of it’s contents, yet because it had an amazingly giant unfrosted window on the door!!! People can actually see your face whilst you squat. I don’t know how this works, but i do know that i couldn’t get out for 7 whole minutes. No-one noticed at all, except a little 6 year old boy, wearing a Batman t-shirt, who instead of being helpful, decided to do ‘chinky’ eyes at me!! (haha) They eventually let me out to tan, and i realised it was just all a business ploy. They stress you the fuck out, so your ‘lay down’ on the tanning bed, feels sooooo much more relaxing!! They’re like, ‘hey, lie down…relax, here’s free lotion..come again.’ I’m booked in for tomorrow at 10am! Shit, that work-out girl IS better than me!!
Life is good, i feel wonderul, and you should too!! Kisses boys!! xx