It’s not right, but it’s okay…

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Morning my divine glimpses of ‘sunbeam.’ Another gorgeous morning, after a rather easy evening. For some reason and I have no idea how, I managed to place BOTH ‘winkles’ in bed, fast asleep by 8pm. BOTH OF THEM. I know!! (If you’re a mum, you completely feel me, right now. Not ‘feel me’ in that sense, as …well…this isn’t a budget porno.) But yes! I didn’t even know what to do with myself? I was sat downstairs, on my own, living life, being able to relax in my pj’s…and when I say ‘relax’ I mean properly RELAX. The kinda relax where you’re 100% committed to the art of chill and there’s no-one anywhere distracting you. I could even ENJOY sipping a red wine in calm, peace and with an actual smile and well not only that…but I could also watch whatever I wanted on the telly! Plonked on Celebrity Big Brother. Loving the show right now. That was after a Kardashian stint and a follow up by ‘The Taste,’ with good old ‘going through much’ Nigella. (Quite good publicity for the show really, now that I look at it. Don’t know the Nigella drama, just know it’s about a divorce, wife beating and cocaine. Jolly good.)

Then I woke up and the mayhem began. NOT from my usual DIVA Ruby. (I know what  shock!) But from my Baby boy, who decided that this morning, was the morning that he was going to scream, ALL MORNING and pine for extra love. Both my lovely bits of loin fruit have adopted such a habit now that there’s just me. There’s not enough Wunna to go around and now with Grandma flying off to Burma tomorrow, the father’s of the children just doing their own lives  on their own time and me just being one pair of arms, legs and hands..it’s not easy. But it’s fine! So any mums going through the same, YOU CAN DO THIS! WOMEN DO IT ALL THE TIME and it’s unfortunate that we HAVE to do it, as no decent man would ever put you in such a position regardless as to how many excuses they make up for it. And weirdly men think that by ‘promising’ to be there and visit the children for an hour every few days, or a day at the weekend or whatever, they like to say, they actually truly believe that they’re being GREAT! When really it just their way of getting things the way THEY want it. No commitment..still do whatever I want and still get to be a father, when I wish, but not full time, as obviously that wouldn’t fit into their lifestyle.

What i learnt about men in 2013, is that the ones I date are selfish and that when it comes to the nitty gritty…the men I meet, like to put themselves first. As women, we all know when there’s children, wives and lives…there comes sacrifice. Any boy that does what HE WANTS, when HE WANTS TO DO IT, and is still saying that at 30…when they have commitments like a wife, family and children, is ever suffering. A trip to ‘grow up’ land is what they need.That’s men of the ‘party boy’ nature in general. Yet on Keiran, was that whole rebellious last few months of partying, getting off his face and being hideous to his wife and family WORTH IT,  in the end. No. I mean, all the rest of his friends, go back to their normal lives, after the storm. They’re all happy with their girlfriends, wives, jobs, families…etc…Nothing’s changed for them because they didn’t have serious responsibilites. Keiran however, in that time… whilst he was getting patted on the back for his foolish behaviour by his trusty acquaintances, and whilst he surrendered the the art of ‘party,’ which I thought we all did when we were teens….lost his wife, children…his entire decent support system and entire branch of new family. EVERYTHING that matters in life.  Was it worth it? He’s even had to move back into his old house…and alone.

Even I don’t have to do that.  I adjusted, I was loving. I was even kind, open and loving up until the other day (until it was thrown in my face) and well my home is warm and alive because i have the children, which delight me. Plus, out of nowhere, I was accidentally lucky and given great opportunity as 2014 rung in.  I’ve written the above to all men who are making or have made, or are about to make foolish decisions. The consequences are never great. I get that he felt lost, unloved and used partying and his friends for a sense of escapism. During the actual Christmas week in the forest he was fine. He was great. But, there’s only so many times you can be lost and feel unloved and use partying for escapism, when it comes with letting down and emotionally abusing the people who care for you. There does come a point, where you need to come to your senses and realize that you might need to adjust, be responsible and seek neccessary help. All it takes is love, positive energy, communication, help, honesty and listening.

Anyway…blah, blah blah…

But LADIES…I’m doing FINE! So all you chicks out there going through the same, KNOW THT YOU CAN DO IT. In the words of Whitney…’It’s not right, but it’s okay.’  YES, you will get those days where you think you cannot cope. 🙂 But find the humour in it all. It’s normal to think you’re losing your mind at times and know that when all said and done, you’re going to be your children’s IDOL. Even though I grew up being a ‘Daddy’s Girl,’ my MUM is certainly my IDOL and because no matter what, she was the one that was always there. She even is NOW, to this very day. Stay positive and be strong. Strong doesn’t mean pretending everything’s okay and not crying when you want. 🙂 It just means always doing the right thing regardless of the situation and like I always say, the one thing that I dislike about my situation is the simple fact that I’m now being forced to live part of my life, in a fashion that I don’t believe in. (I had this conversation with Pete the other day.) I’m a traditionalist when it comes to family, love and stability. I believe that all homes with children, flourish better in an environment where there is a loving mother, a decent father, and all under one roof. A rollercoaster isn’t acceptable because you show your kinds that you are not about commitment and stability or full time love. You show them that you don’t need to make an effort in life when it comes to the things that are important and well it was just the way I was brought up. The way all my friends where brought up actually. All of us have successful parents that have been together and stayed together for decades. It doesn’t mean that the children who don’t have that ideal situation, grow up all kinds of wrong. Lol. I’m not saying that before you start throwing eggs at me. (As don’t forget, I don’t live that way now.) In my mind it’s just the way I see family and stability and foundation are everything. That way your children never feel lost or unloved. They feel GROUNDED. I don’t like that I’ve been forced to live that part of my life in a manner that I believe is incorrect. But I did that to Peter (Karma’s a bitch)  as he’s CERTAINLY a traditionalist and truly with all his heart believes families need all that I have preached about in the above few paragraphs. Yet again…that’s because it is the way in which HE has been raised. How your raised truly does establish the person that you are today. Make sure you continue to surround yourself around good people. If you’re not well.. then get better. Don’t waste time playing ‘a game’ when it comes to love because you truly just forget to do the most important thing and that is ‘TO LOVE.’  Life is too short.

Y’know Pete tried to impress my Mum the other day. I watched him as my Mum was looking down tending to Junior and he had just dropped Ruby off and when he didn’t know I was looking. He was telling my mum how he had sorted his work life out and even though it wasn’t perfect it was getting there and that he had gone to see a new house that is literally a block up from us, in the new estate and that his Father would help him with when it came to the mortgage, however he didn’t think it was possible just yet, but in the end after a while it would be. He did a face that would suggest that he was looking for approval. I sort of wondered why? But then I got it…

The thing I like about Peter is the fact that even NOW and it must not be the nicest of situations for him, but he never does the wrong thing when it comes to ME. On occasion, he’ll make silly Father decisions. But never silly ‘Wunna’ decisions. He was never a boy that enjoyed a party lifestyle. He loved being with his family. He was more obedient in nature than rebellious. He always thought he that he was insecure, but really he was very together.

The other day he offered to help pick up Junior from nursery and help me with anything that I needed daily, provided that it didn’t clash with work and it must be hard for him to do that…but he does. He even asked if he should buy a baby car seat so that the children could do outings together when Junior was a bit older, just to give them both a sense of stability. That’s sweet of him. And he’s doing it, not because he loves me or anything, but just because he’s a good person and he respects me. He just doesn’t want me to feel like I’m alone and have no help and at the same time it’s the best thing for the children and because that’s the way his father raised him.

On the whole, I’m happy and i’m positive and the good thing is that I have no time to be too stressed. I’ve gone into 2014 accidentally busy. I never know what’s going to happen to me, i just know it”s going to end up wonderful.

Right…no more moaning about love life.. ALL to come in work is divine. Today I have China meetings, beauty line development and two auditions. EEek! Wish me luck! I’ve got to fit it all in before the children get home! AND my mum flies off in the early hours of the morning.

SO EXCITED TO HAVE MY LASHES OUT SOON! You’re all inboxing me asking when and where!! Thank you so much for all the support. I’ve only got the samples so far, so they need tweeking. Once tweeked and the order is in, then they will be shipped over from China and I will be able to sell them. Firstly on here, then at trade shows, events, etc…THEN hopefully in stores by Summer or Autumn? I WILL be doing a preorder though, so you can guarantee your pair/pairs? I didn’t realize that there would be such a buzz. But I am excited to wear my own lashes. 🙂 Love. Love. Love.

Filled with positive spirit.

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Oh and I’m LOVING CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER RIGHT NOW and i’m so glad that no-one getting evicted this week. I KNEW that the producers would have to do that and write in a storyline, simply because of the way people were paired up. I don’t think they paired them up correctly. But I loved it! My fave to win is still Ollie Locke. He’s GORGEOUS. Isn’t he good looking! AND a friend of mine is his minder, his ‘looker afterer,’ as I say. I’d like to seem more of Sam Faiers. I like her alot, so I’m hoping things will hot up for her. Dappy I don’t mind now that he’s not trying too hard and well I enjoy that they were all forced to -play the game, because they became terrified of leaving first. Hahaha. Lee’s playful and getting himself into trouble. He’ll charm his way out of it though. I like him. In fact, there’s not many I don’t like. Apart from Luisa. 🙂 I don’t even know why, but you have to not like someone. 🙂

I definitely want to get back on the telly. I  miss it MUCHO.

 

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