It’s My Preggo Waddle

You know you’ve got ‘swiggedy-swagga’ when you’ve already had a grown man ask if you’ve got a limp. (Yeah bitches!! *Hip/Hop Hand-bounces on Hummer in golden bikini.* ) Unfortunately for Me…i don’t. I have no swagger left in me. TRAGICAL! I simply looked back, smiled, held my little bambino of bumpage and kitty cat whispered (Code for: Yelled across the room) ‘It’s my Preggo Waddle darling!’ The gentleman in question, then gave me a *wink* and offered to give me £20 out of his wallet to put in my preggo panties, whilst i pretend ‘shimmied’ behind a front desk. Then i made the mistake of calling him ‘Daddy,’ as he swiftly assessed his financial situation and cut it down to a fiver. That’s how much ‘swagga’ i have right now. YOU KNOW IT GURRRL!

I’m actually having a great day, to say it’s raining. I’m eating far too much against my will, but still..on the whole… a great day. For some reason everyone thinks that because i’m pregnant (aka FAT)  i must NEED or WANT to EAT all of the entire time?? I’m have a ‘Mummy to be’ not Vanessa Feltz. (Awful joke!) If i eat anymore junkeroo, simply out of politeness. I will literally do a massive sick. There are sick , tiny 3rd world children, dying for a bit of rump steak and I HAVE pretty much EVERYONE trying to wedge food in my mouth constantly, against my WILL! UGH! It’s making me all tired and limpy. (I’ve just been introduced to the loveliest boy who ‘lives in a box.’ Aww!)

I’ve had zero hours sleep, but here I am at work, with a smile and a wiggle. Trooper much. Hero Badge! My *bump* has decided to commit to that joyous game of ‘kick you ALL NIGHT LONG, so that you can’t have ANY sleep whatsoever-then go to sleep when YOU HAVE to wake up for work.’ I’ve hilariously tossed & turned all night, with the most floozy of backaches and the inability to beable to roll into the right ‘dreamland‘ position. I’m like Bruce Lee in my sleep, all karate chop edgy, with my eyes wide open. I looked to my left, after GLARING at the ceiling for 4 hours, half naked and fresh faced and watched Loverboy sleep. For some reason i resent him for sleeping all the way through my pain. LOL. I want him to wake up and share the backache and the karate chops!! I can’t tell if i’m knackered because i’m working like a firecracker. Or whether it’s all because i’m almost 8 months pregnant? I’m being told it’s a delicious combination of both. I’m withering down…but being the dickhead that i am…i’m finding it funny.

Anyway, i better go. I have nothing really to report do i, but rubbish! Lol. I can’t stand the smell of pickle around me and i’m currently looking at a man’s ears and deciding whether i want to lick them? Pete pulled up in a parking lot today to play me a love song outside a supermarket, as he cuddled me. He’s secretly, but tremendously excited about the whole baby thing and i’m terrified that all this forced eating will give me stretchmarks. NOOOOOOoooooooooo!

Just so you know….I am VERY PREGNANT now. I actually can’t believe that i’ve managed to get through it all! 6 weeks to go! Wish me luck.

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