It’s going to be sucky..



So there I was at 11.16pm getting severely McBollocked by my own delicious Mother, who wanted to inform me that I had ruined her day by making poor parenting decisions? (Lovely.) Now, my Mum and I are extremely close, so we tend to bollock each other whenever we get the hump. I’m less aggressive these days and well…she’s not. 🙂 I mean, something could be troubling her at home, or with work, or with Dad and because I’m the feisty, strong child…her stallion, her ‘Diva’ first born (which is the thing she actually adore about me)…she comes and takes it out on me. However this time..via text!

Now nothing is worse to me than getting bollocked via text because it seems far more moany and long. There’s never a bullet pointed version, which is how i text, if I am texting an argument. The other party will be all ‘well you never..’ and ‘you hurt my…blah..blah..’ seven scrolls long. I’ll just type ‘Fuck off.’ I prefer short face to face blasts of shouty. It’s over quicker and I usually win. I tend to ignore people who text me with drama, anger or not very funny nonsense and pretty much because you can. Then they always call me ignorant for not replying or even childish. But i’m used to hearing both so it makes me giggle, because i’m disturbed like that. 🙂 When I do reply..they don’t even like it anyway. It’s like they’re a sucker for punishment.

Last night was mayhem. Remember that i’m on my own and I’m looking after a newborn and a 2 year old right now because Keiran’s gone away for a week to work and well my mum has also been busy working away at her schedule. I completely understand that. HOWEVER, I completely understand that if I need help, i’m going to find, get it or take it when it’s been offered. I’m not stupid. I’ll take the elevator through life and not the stairs, thank you very much. Shout at me all you want. I’ll be waving from my swift, lifty flight upward. *Zoom.*

So, Pete kindly picked Ruby up from nursery yesterday and she went over to his to play for the evening because he missed her. The clock ticks over to 9.50pm, which is way past her bed time, so in a wonder I text him to see if everything’s okay?

Ruby’s apparently still up and playing yet is having a whale of a time, so he asked if she should stay over the evening, with me being on my own with Junior, to make things a bit easier…and HE would then do the nursery run in the morning.

I agreed to it all and that’s what pretty much happened because I WAS stressed about having them both run circles around me (it’s terrifying) and I figured having the one was going to be hard enough..and believe me it was. Junior’s super constipated right now, which is a joy to ‘mummy’ through the night! #not 🙂 If you have a newborn AND a two year old you feel my pain. It’s not the art of juggling them both that is the problem. It’s more the art of worrying and making sure they BOTH feel loved and tended to appropriately that gets to you. (Junior’s started to look like a little mix of Keiran and I now, instead of just an Asian gremlin.)

Okay, *fast forward*because my glitzy arse has agreed to such an arrangement wit Peter, my mum goes ballistic at me stating that she would’ve dropped everything and come to rescue me in a heartbeat and that she didn’t want her staying over with Pete, when we didn’t need the help. I DID NEED THE HELP and no-one was a around, so I was really grateful for him. My mum on the other hand always thinks he has a hidden agenda. He didn’t. He just wanted to help. Ruby’s his daughter and he respects me enough to help me, because I am her mother. Let’s put two and two together to make four and not ‘an issue.’

Long story short, I’m getting bollocked via text (Lol)…those long messages that look like essays. I didn’t have my contact lenses in, (you can’t fight with the blind..) I had a screaming baby in my arms and it was pitch black, aside from the light given off by the screen of my phone. I mean, what is my life!!! So, i pretty much abandon ship and decide to ignore the bollocking, fold it away for the ‘forgotten’ pile and just get on with tucking Baby Junior in and sending him off to ‘bed time.’ (Whilst he grunts at me and tries to angrily chew his fist off. I’m telling you, he’s like an angry bouncer, in baby form…that needs to poo.)

Now, I’m really grateful for everything that my Mum does for Ruby because it is literally EVERYTHING and not only do I love her so much for it, but I understand how protective she is of Rubes and how much she loves her. I get that and I feel that. I mean I cried the first time Ruby stayed over at Pete’s. So I let her accuse me of all sorts and I then let it slide with a shimmie. She’ll be filled with ‘sorries’ today and hopefully buy me lunch. I just don’t like some of the things she said, as she felt that I put Pete’s needs before HER needs, when she is the one that does EVERYTHING for Ruby. That’s not the case…My mum is wonderful at being there for me and Keiran is GREAT at being there for me when I don’t need his help. (In fact he’s much better, well getting better at being there for me when I do. It’s a new thing for him and he’s excelling at it. They’re both Hero’s in their own way. Yet Pete is good at never being there for me when I don’t need help…which is smart really because we’re not together and he has no reason to be. However, if and when I do need help..and even if it doesn’t concern Ruby, because he’s a good guy he will be there in a tickety boo. They’re all great people and i’m really lucky. As is Ruby, because they all barter for her love and attention. All i’m saying is, last night I needed help. Mum was in London. Keiran was away. Pete offered to help. I accepted his help in order to make sure Baby Ruby had her ‘full attention’ fix and so that I could settle Baby Junior.) Done. No more on that! Jesus! My mum sometimes forgets that we’re not the cast of Jeremy Kyle and that she doesn’t need to worry about me. I’m all grown up now and the new sensible version. She worries about me a lot because well lets face it, i’ve been a pain. I actually got bollocked for being ‘too kind hearted.’ Only I could get bollocked for something as comedy as that. That’s my mum though. She tells me off for not being a ‘diva.’ 🙂

Anyway, how’s this weather treating you? (A nice British link away…)  I can’t tell if it’s sunny or cold? It’s all sticky- humid and making me just need a holiday. I was going to book one yesterday but i’m having to weigh out all the options as I don’t know where half of these places are? Not because i’m shit at geography..and I am shit at geography, swirled in zero sense of direction. I’ve never needed to know where places are exactly. I’m more the kinda gal who wakes up somewhere with my face printed on the pillow who hopes for the best. But on a serious note, when I’ve been away, it’s always been really far away. So i’ve never booked a last minute ‘lets’ get some sun quick’ type of holi-holiday and I’m actually in fear of where i’ll end up!! I want all inclusive, no apartment, only a 4 or 5* hotel and it has to have close by SUN…for 4 days, that isn’t chav central or a party island. But a quick inexpensive break that makes a change from a local spa trip in order to relax.

I thought maybe Keiran and I could get away for our wedding anniversary or something. That’d bring a tan line and a smile to my miserable face. Plus it has to be somewhere where neither of us has been before, simply so no OLD MEMORIES of past times are relived during the break. I hate that, when a boy is spending time with you and reminiscing old times that they had with some other girl. It happens to all girls and in fact all boys all the time. It’s a ‘thing’ with me simply because when I once stalked a boy I was dating’s Facebook inbox, that he had accidentally left open  in the living room in LA, he had inboxed a girl…a pretty blond one, saying ‘I was at the pool with my girlfriend all day today and all I could think about was you.’ I was ‘the girlfriend.’ romantic. Nothing like true love and this was a guy who was telling me how madly in love he was with me and how he wanted to MARRY ME. He even fricking proposed to me a week after the incident.

I didn’t actually tell him that I knew. I never do. I just carry on as normal and take it out on them without them knowing why I’m being so evil to them. 🙂 Then I left him, when I couldn’t punish him anymore. But I usually always know before they think I know and I wait for them to ‘fess up.’ None of them do though…so i end up strutting my heels onto my next chapter. I actually got an inbox from an LA boy the other day that I used to date. He apparently thinks that out of all the girls and relationships he’s fucked up…he always to this day wishes he could go back and try harder at ours and see what would happen. He asked me if I had gotten divorced yet. Lovely. This is my life. It’s full of gents waiting in the wings, betting on a divorce. He was the marine that made me homeless. I had only up until that point, dated boys who were actors or models, or in entertainment, whilst in Hollywood. He was the first guy that I would call ‘normal,’ and it was odd because a guy who was in the armed forces or who served for their country…a soldier…a sailor… never ever appealed to me.  I never ever pictured myself being with a guy of that profession. He actually taught me never to date any boy that was in the marines or a soldier. I obviously didn’t learn my lesson. I married one 5 years later.

I ignored his message… Once you enter banter with an ex, they get all excited and think that there’s something more going to happen, even if it’s just cyber flirtation. I count that as cheating, as you know. I mean, even if the boy or your ex is simply messaging you nice ‘unpervy’ things…they’re still trying to make you want them. Boys are sick like that. I used to be sick like that, but because I had been raised around boys, the Hollywood kind of boys and throughout my entire 20 somethings. That’s why I think i went through a slutty phase because that’s what men do. I’m far less masculine in my ways now. I’m a proper girl. (I mean, I was always ‘glammy -doo-daa’ but my personality was very boyish, very aggressive. To get what you want and I hope that’s a ‘Prince Charming’, a ‘look after you romantically, emotionally, physically, financially, mentally’ hero, you have to be made of a ‘girl,’ and at least possess a gentle femininity and let the guy take the reins and ‘woo’ you. If you don’t the balance of the relationship becomes wibbly and you’ll never have you’re hero. Don’t think men aren’t made for chasing, hunting and romantically ‘wooing’ you…THEY ARE and they love it. They do. They just pretend they don’t. I mean nothing makes them feel more like a man than being able to please the girl that they desire. Honest! When they can’t they feel inferior and insecure and think you’re going to run off with someone else. Then they start playing up and being pains. Nothing is worse than an insecure man because in the end they take it out on YOU and well that never goes well with your outfit, but really goes well with a gin. See! There’s an upside to everything! BOOYAH! (I wonder if my mum will actually take me to lunch today or if she’ll still be angry at me for being rubbish? Junior’s decided to take his night time nap, like NOW. Brill! 🙁  He wasn’t hard work last night, but it wasn’t easy. I much prefer ‘easy’ things. Now I understand drunk boys at bars who just want to pull and get laid as quickly as possible. When something’s ‘easy’ it’s better. 🙂 It might not last, but in that moment, it was not tasking and zero stress. I guess the stress comes later when they start stalking you. Dont pick an easy option, unless you’re a really fast runner. As far as my life has played out, trouble will always catch up to ya anyway. Yet i’m shit at running in heels. I’m a strutter. I never got picked to be on the teams during PE LESSONS and it never bothered me. I had far more important things on my mind like taking over the world, my face and whoever i was dating at the time.)

Talking about ‘easy,’ when it comes to women, wives are stressy but worth it in the end…so they say. We’ll see. 🙂 One night stands that you never see again usually aren’t much bother. But girls that are your previous ‘friends with benefits’ as in someone you’re friends with but you’ve bonked, at the same time as local girls you’ve bonked, or girls you’ve had previous relations with are always troublesome. They don’t seem troublesome at the time…as it was an  ‘easy’ situation. Yet they always *pop* up later, when you’ve ironed your act out, pulled yourself together and when you’re with a girl that you now love, who you do not want to ever lose. They *pop* up and ruin everything for you and make the girl you love, refrain from adoring you as much. But it really does depend upon your karma and how your relationship is with your past experience. I’m smart and Keiran’s lucky because the majority of my exes are all hidden in another country. 🙂 He never has to face them, see them or feel insecure about them. He only has to watch them on telly or at the cinema. I’ve only had a few boyfriends here in Blighty…I don’t really talk to any of them aside from Peter and that’s obviously because we share a child. A beautiful child.

Keiran’s actually just called to see if i’m alright. I’m not alright and I’m having a bad hair day. But I simply picked up the phone and did my usual, ‘yeah, yeah everything’s fine’ line. I can’t be arsed saying anything else and simply because he’s not here, there’s nothing he can do about it. It sort of made his phone call pointless.  I need treats off him. All my other chick friends are getting treats left right and centre and they’re not having to run around, birth children and  look after them all the time, as their gent is away. I am…and I don’t have treats. Ugh!   I thought today was going to be okay, but something tells me it’s going to be sucky. I need wine..and a human to curl my fricking hair. I can’t moan with a straight do and make it look glamourous.









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