Well it’s been ages, I know. Yet there comes a time in every glamour pusses life, who lives her days in the open air of cyberland and all via written word, to kick off her kitten heels and relax. I had a VERY STRESSFUL 2013 and in life you have those good years, the great years, the years where the world was your oyster and well what I call the ‘dud’ years. 2013 was my ‘dud’ year. I’ve never been so stress, unglued, rollercoastered and tug of warred by life than I was or am still being in 2013. Apparently the wise say that you have to go through the ‘dud’ years simply because those years are the years of ultimate transformation. The years where everything seems like the rug is being pulled from beneath you, yet really life is developing for the better and in order for it to do so it has to scrunch itself into a little glittery ball, throw you for a loop and adjust you for the change. I have a great life ahead, but going through 2013 was HARD. When I look back on it all i’ll laugh with a cocktail. But for now, I’ll chin up and grin, until I can find it funny. 🙂 There’s solider’s in this world and there’s life soliders. I’m a LOT stronger than I thought and I figured I was pretty strong to begin with. I’m also quite a catch. *Wiggle-wink* Yet because my life is about to develop, because I’ve come to the end of my first cycle…I had to go through the drama of the upheaval. I always think i’m weaker than I really am. I mean I only cried two night ago because I felt defeated by Wunna land. I’ve missed you and because you weirdly keep me strong. As soon as I began writing this blog, for some reason I grew ten feet tall again and filled with heart, strength and love. That good old positive energy that we all need.
I don’t know why that is? Is it because it’s a habit? A place where I feel free because I can spew out my mind in the name of therapy? Is it just something I love? A place where I know I inspire? Or even a place where I feel safe because i’m netted by those who sometimes bazooka me a little adoration. 🙂 Who knows? But I think it’s all of the above. (I’m happy today because all my Christmas eating has landed on my bum, given me a Kardashian booty. It looks hungry yet DIVINE. I love having junk in my trunk. Who needed squats. Just eat turkey.)
But okay. Before I wasn’t looking forward to 2014 simply because 2013 had been so shit. 🙂 To be honest it actually ended REALLY REALLY WELL and there were points within the year that were amazing. I met some great new friends. I created a range with some ladies for Ann Summers. I had my gorgeous little boy. I witnessed the growth of my Baby Ruby. The forest, oh the forest. The Clothes Show…life and well just all the good times. Parts of Summer were great. The end of the year work wise was the best. My love life was crap. but my work life made a strong finish, as I around all that i love. Yet making new friends has been wonderful, especially because I don’t keep ‘waste of time’ beings in my life. Everyone I adore is firstly a great person and has something about them that I am completely inspired by. I will admit that I got a little lost and thrown off guard my the tragicness of my love life. It all came at an ‘off’ time for me, a no women needs to go through all that so soon after having a baby. It plays with our hormones and isn’t fun, nor is it fair. But I got through it. Just. I’m still jigsawing the pieces together. But I got through it. And if anything made my 2013 weak. It was that. In my world, love is all you need. So having it pulled, toyed with and well having it rolled up into some kitten caveman club and getting beating with it.. sucked. 🙂 The thing about relationships is that whatever partner you chose and whatever they end up going through, you yourself end up having to go through also, whether you like it or not. Yet the great thing about 2013, aside for all the glitziness. (I did a lot this year, I keep having flashbacks of me sat at the other end of everyones boardroom table trying to sell myself with kicks and fake smiles.) But yeah, the best thing about 2013, was the simple fact that I WAS GREAT MUM. There was not one time during the year that I ever let my children down or let myself down in the name of parenting. (Ruby is currently pooing in a potty next to me, pointing at it and smiling with absolute glee because I’m telling her what good girl she is! 🙂 I’m beaming.) And my son…i’ve been there for every single part of his ‘first’s.’ The first time he tried to crawl, the first time he saw Santa, the first time he tried to taolk, the first time he did Christmas, the first time he pulled himself up to stand, the first time he smiled, the first time he giggled, the first time he sat in a high chair on his own, the first time he was so relaxed he slept through the entire night and the first time he is about to go through is first ever New years Eve. (I was actually wanting to go out with a friend and I had all this drama about childcare. Yet yesterday when I looked at him and he beamed, I knew that all I wanted was to see him bring his is FIRST EVER brand NEW YEAR and we’re going to do it together. It’ll be like magic. It’s a time i’ll never get back and a time for family, love and the future. New beginnings. It represents a lot and well who cares about his second, third, or fourth New Year celebration, his first is the one that is special. I mean if anything, we need to have a cuddle, a giggle and wish each other ‘good luck.’ So would I rather be draped over a busy bar trashed. (I learnt in LA that if you begin your new year hungover it’s a BAD OMEN. LOL. Justin Seitz and I learnt that the heard way. You’re meant to come into fresh. Not driving home at 10am still on party mode. I’m a mum now and had someone say yesterday that just because you’re a mum your life doesn’t end. That’s right. It begins. You’re not a family until you become a mum. And things then have to change in order to be the best that you can be for your children. I’m a fun, glammy mum. I’ve partied and done it ,a ll over the world form 17 to 29. It’s done. My Dad taught me well. If you’re not in a place where you need to be in the success stakes, you work first play later until you are there. Those that waste their time, money and selves on other things will always be a step behind.
Anyway enough of that, I’ve just got back from the cabins. I adore Forest Holidays and this year got to do 2 full weeks at two of the different sites. Sherwood was amazing because it’s where we call home. (We did the luxury forest cabins % or was it 6 times this year?) Then we travelled to Cropton to do Xmas. When you have young children, CHRISTMAS IS AMAZING. We left out mince pies and carrots for Rudolph, Ruby slept like her life depended on it just so Santa would come. Live was simple, but it was great. The entire family LOVED IT to the point where I would give my wink up JUST to go live in a luxury forest cabin forever. EVEN over a mansion. I’ve never felt so happy and at peace in my life. I cried both times when we left each cabin. I hate leaving them and I guess, I’ve been on a forest cabin comedown. It’s not fun being in Ponty, when I know there are people in a hot tub in the woods, right now as I speak. 🙂
Not only is my family life great there, my peace is also adjusted and well my love life is usually always much better there. If you take yourself away form the drama and just concentrate on family and love, it’s amazing how well you do.
2014 was going to be a year of hiding under a duvet for me. Yet now after 2013, it’s going to be a year of change. I now know what I want in my life, need in my life and want to achieve in my life. I felt down two days ago. But i’ll get there. I’ll do it this coming year. Dream do come true and my Christmas break has been amazing. Ruby loved every inch of being in Cropton, seeing Santa and opening all her pressies. Even her walk in the woods.
My main pressie for Christmas..? I got a wedding band. No not an orchestra. As even though that sounds romantic, it’d be a bit odd to have a random man with an oboe in my cabin. 🙂 But yes…before it turned midnight and before Christmas was finally over, I was gifted with the most beautiful card that said,
‘ This Christmas there is nothing more I need to brighten up my life. As I was given the greatest gift on earth when you said you’d be my wife. All the things in life we share make us great together. I’m so happy you’re by my side today, tomorrow and forever.’
I was already crying at that and well you all know what i’ve been through, so it was nice in the moment to feel appreciated. To feel loved and to feel like a ‘sorry’ was being said and a ‘new start’ was being attempted at in the name of romance.
Then I opened up a little bag and inside was a little box. When I opened up the little box, there was a brand new wedding band, a band to signify true love, commitment, an apology, a new start and hope for the future.
I cried. Not because it was so romantic and lovely. Not just because I felt loved again because I was quite prepared to go it alone and find ‘virgin ground.’ But because I have always believed that the man who truly loves you will always make it right, make it better, put back the pieces that had been broken. For a moment I was lost in fairytale and that’s a moment that we all know I love.
Now i’m not gonna lie, adjusting to love and trust is going to be hard, because a material object means nothing without an an adjustment of action. I can’t be bought. It’s already been hard and it will be because i’ve been treated so atrociously. But if you can’t try ans see the best than what can you do?
Happy almost New Year…