It’s all about the bollocks innit

Okay, it’s a few winkies past 11pm, i’ve just got done filming. It’s freezing, i’ve realized i’m a fool, a proper deliciously boobied idiot. Yet because i’m quite ‘easy on the eyes’ people forgive me for my TWATTISH behaviour, applaud the jiggery pokery and bow. I’ve been an idiot all day, for the random sake of humour..y’know took one for the team…put my ass on the line, for a wee bit of a ‘larf.’ And yeah…along with buying my baby brother a million Christmas prezzies. (I was in Doncaster today. My birth town. We couldn’t get through the shopping centre, due to maddness. What a lovely warm welcome! I love you and your scrunchies and beer bellies and AIDS. I do fucking LOVE Doncaster!) Everyone in Yorkshires dead happy. All warm spirited and drunk. I love it. I do. I do. I’m trying to type this in mittens. It’s fucking impossible. (Pout.) I’ve lifted up a JD and coke with them, all over eyelashed and boobied and i’m having to drink out of my glass like i’m a….. spastic. (Who said that?)

I’m now at home, and stroking pussies. I have a million of them. (Oh the confusion.) They’re my ewoks! ‘Lashes’ is calling and being all huffy coz i’m working. (Well go out and get pissed then sir!) I’m ‘knocking seven bells of shite’ out of my system. I’ve eaten 8 Yorkshire Puddings and Costa was probably the most Christmasy place (apart from BHS) that i saw today.

I had warm giner…giner? I mean ginger ‘i’m too fat to be having them’ lattes to carols, but then it kinda changed to this random  exotic arabic music. I didn’t know whether to fill fucking stockings or start walking like a bloody egyptian. Then i walked in on a oldish lady (about 52) doing a big wee. She didn’t lock the door and got all shocked!! Her ‘shock mouth’ almost swallowed her face. It was hilarious! I kinda stood there deliberately like i wanted to watch…all hungry for action to see what she would do. She screamed and slammed the door in my face. (But FUCK YOU, it hit my boobs first! And they’re my weapons of ASS destruction bitch!)  Infact what am i talking about. The poor chick just wanted to piss in private!

Anyway, i have a lot going on right now. I did interviews, filmed and other yummy stuff today…had one shoot for a ‘something or other.’ I’m meant to be in Manchester tomorrow morning to ‘meet a guy.’ But i have a phone interview waaay early in the morn, and a thing i have to do in the evening. So i’m not sure if i can kinda fit it in. But i told him i would…therefore i guess i’ll have to. I mean i’m up north anyway right? I’m hardly here these days! I need booze.

My birthday tour is getting planned…which is getting all kinds of out of hand. I AM NOT GETTING on a plane! It was meant to be all little and quiet. Now i’m on some kind of tour!! How the jollies did this happen?? But if you can’t beat’em join ’em. If you want to host one of my birthday nights at your venue (cos loadsa you are a asking) then email me at the ‘Contact Chrissie’ button, and i’ll try and fit cha in!

I’ve godda go. My kitten is pissing on things. When ever she sees a picture of Katy Perry (who i love)…she pisses on it. It used to be Peter Andre…but i think he wees on himself. Now i shall tan!

(Oh & that ‘Chrissie Wunna’ facebook profile that uses the B&W picture of me holding the guitar…is not really ME. Everyones been asking? I don’t know who it is?? But please do have fun annoying the B’jeebers out of them.)

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