I’m having one of those over emotional, have a big comedy cry at everything day’s because i’m hormonal due to pregnancy. I’m still managing to blame my mental swings of emotional mood fests on pregnancy, so i’m exceedingly happy with myself. Yet it really does make you question whether you’re nutty or not? I’m a emotional girl anyway. Sometimes, i’m open about it. Sometimes, i hide it. (God, i’m starting to sound like Britney Spears lyric.) Well i’m stroppy over the little things, extremely stroppy with the men that i date if i feel an inch of disrespect, i no matter what always always ‘happy- face’ love my little daughter, yet the big things i handle quite well, maybe by smearing them with a buttery splodge of humour, or a mask of hero. Today, i’m weeping at both men, druggies and Jeremy Kyle, followed by then finding myself crying in the middle of a shop (not hysterically, yet only letting tiny ‘Diva’ tears, with a ‘hair-toss’ out at Christmas decorations because i thought they were so pretty. 🙂 ) I mean, Keiran, who’s tried to call me three times today, yet i’ve not felt able to be social, (even though i’m currently in the middle of a very Christmasy and very busy Starbucks, blogging away and tending to brief conversation with the odd person that feels the need to chitter-chatter to me,) has even sent me text to cheer me up reading,
‘I miss you hunni 🙁 It’s Xmas tree making tonight babe. 😉 Yayyy! It will look lovely and Rubes will love it just as much as we do. We will have to wedge mums Xmas present that we get tomorrow, under it. Wahooo. Have you had your pills babe? I love you. I love you mucho and a da mucho. xxxx’
Bless him. Isn’t he sweet. I enjoy the lovely supportive husbandness of the text, that ends with the ‘have you had your pills babe’ mentalist part like i’m a lunatic in slanty eyes and a weave, who needs help badly. Ha! Followed by a ‘i still love you anyway.’ That’s real love. I screamed at him last night, when i lost my mind and went preggo mental. It’s funny now and because he forgave me with humour. (If you’re a girl like me, or a boy like him you need to be able to forgive the other with humour, otherwise you’re both fucked..and not the good kind.) But yeah, i lost my mind, after a beautiful yet exhausting day with my mum, followed by looking after my delicious daughter, whilst everything around me decided to either completely break down, or completely turn off, until i managed to venture out in the night to get it fixed…with my very chipper one year old, who was demanding to be potty trained for most hours of the evening, whilst eating my wrap, when i was starving 🙂 AND all of this whilst i’m 3 months pregnant. Exhausting! I had to light candles because we were in the dark at one point and she looked up at me with a smile, like her life couldn’t be more utterly perfect and said ‘Happy birthday tooo yoooou.’ AWWWWWWW! I’d DIE for Baby Rubes!
Anyway, I lost the plot because when my handsome returned, i told him that i was exhausted and that i couldn’t cope, with all i had to do that evening…and instead of coming out with words of support, in his own exhaustion (he’s been working hard of recent) says, ‘she’s in full time nursery Chrissie,’ like i should be able to cope. I LOST MY MIND AT HIM and called him ‘inconsiderate’ for not realising how emotionally draining being pregnant is, when you have a one year old. I might of called him a ‘bastard’ too. 🙂 And then told him to leave me alone, (like the child that i am)..yet i sort of said it with more adult words and ‘F’ bombs. Then came my usual *storm off,* whilst shouting at him and slamming doors in his face, before going to bed immediately. *Hurrah* (We could give ‘Hollyoaks’ a run for it’s money.)
He immediately wanted to calm me down and show support, or maybe realized that what he said wasn’t right, or didn’t come the way he wanted it too, so he chased after me apologising and offering cuddles. (I like it when men do this, because when i come out of my storm, i forgive them more quickly. If they put up a fight, i reach for my bazooka and start ‘ba-booming’ at them, in order to find victory.) I didn’t cuddle him until half way through bed time, when my body chose to forgive him and my hormones decided to settle. Then he had a boner mid-cuddle (boys can never cuddle without an eventual erection) and well he pushed my hand on it. But i ignored it, as i was far to knackered and well…he was dreaming with a boner, so i don’t even know who or what he was dreaming about. If it wasn’t me, then that doesn’t deserve Wunna loving, when i’ve just been grumpy. 🙂
In the morning we made up gently and lovingly, because he was so warm and kind, which i adore. He’s really grown up emotionally now and trying to understand what i’m going through. Before he would’ve barked back annoyingly, yet now he’s proving that he’s ‘man’ and can handle my preggo mental state of whoppdee, like it’s a walk in the park. (I like that.) All he said, was that you have to laugh things like this off, instead of dwelling on them. I’m impressed by that…and maybe need to learn that myself. 🙂
Like i Tweeted last night, you’re supposed to apparently be with someone who will never stay mad at you, can’t bare to go without talking to you and who is completely afraid of losing you. I agree with that utterly. As when you’re in proper love, you’re sort of more forgiving with your ‘forever’ and not neccessarily because you’re weak, but because you believe in them and you believe in your bond with them, to the point where you unconditionally care for them and know that they are worth staying with. (However, this is only if you have found your ‘forever’ and not to be danced along with if your relationship is once sided. You know if that someone is your ‘forever’ because they think you are their ‘forever’ also and some form of strong commitment has been made mutually. This doesn’t mean that those of you in dodgy relationships where your happiness has or is being compromised, should make excuses for a prick of a boy, or a floozy of a girl. I’ve been there and it isn’t fun. Don’t do it if you’re just desperate for love or to be loved also, as it really doesn’t work. You know if your relationship is one sided. You know deep down, even if you pretend you don’t and force it to work. Whenever i’ve been in a situation like that, i’ve always known really…but never ever listened. The good thing about being treated poorly, is that when you’re treated well, you know it! I have lots of relationship knowledge. Like my mum said to one of my ex boyfriends, in regards to then being with me, before a massive argument, ‘i’ve done this 20 times, with 20 different boys! Same problems, different FACE!)
Love is love and you’ll know it’s love, because you’ll feel it and it will flow naturally, like never before. Like when Keiran and I first met and within 5 weeks we were engaged…it may have felt odd to everyone else, but to us it felt right and because we immediately felt like husband and wife, like we had known each other all our life and were meant to be together. We knew that from the start and i didn’t let him play the ‘game of love, simply by putting what i wanted emotionally straight down on the table, without fear. We’re really happy…no matter what happens, no matter what’s said, no matter what we say and that is what makes us ‘magic.’ We’re sort of growing up together emotionally as life is taking us on this wild path of glitter, that we hadn’t really pre-planned for. (Shit, my chai tea latte run out.) Yet it does help that we’re really similiar because if we weren’t Lord knows what would happen. It certainly makes ‘understanding the other’ much easier.
But on the whole, if you’re struggling to find your true love, just don’t worry about it and make sure you’ve made yourself into the ideal ‘catch’ before winking in with the fishies. Be beautiful. Stand by every word you say. Watch what you’re doing and look at what you’re wearing. Or even what what you’re not doing, saying or even not wearing. BE YOU and not a weird edited or untrue version of yourself. How you present yourself makes all the difference. I’ve learnt this from experience. Look at my two pictures up above. Same girl. Same feelings. Yet presented two different ways. Make sure you choose the real you, when on initial dates and because only then can you see the real them and shake hands on a fruitful relationship of foreverness. I mean, add your own sparkle to keep it interesting. Play up to your strengths. But don’t throw out a frisbee of yourself that isn’t truly what you represent. I learnt that the hard way. Then be flirty because boys adore to be adored, just as much as girls and they can’t resist you them, as they start thinking with their boners. 😉 When boys flirt with us girls, we expect it, as we’re used to getting hit on everywhere we go. (We smile and roll our eyes before we do our ‘i’m flattered’ giggle. When girls flirt with boys, it massages their ego…and they decide to like you because you’ve made them feel ..’like man.’ Hence why 1 in 3 men cheat. Saying that 1 in 4 women cheat. Yet women cheat because they no longer feel cherished by their man and men usually cheat simply due to opportunity.
But enough of that, as it’s not very Christmasy of me. 🙂 No more more ‘cheat’ talk and more about love, love, lurve.
This Christmas will be the first Christmas that Ruby will actually understand. She knows Santa is coming and she knows to expect presents. This will also be the first Christmas Keiran and I will spend together as husband and wife. Awww…and well we’re both lovers of this particular season, so it’s all very exciting. Tonight we’re putting up the tree to get the festivities a flowing. I’m looking forward to going away for my birthday. The video blogs will be coming up soon, over December and well Keiran and I get our early Xmas pressie from mum tomorrow at 1pm…I wonder what it is??
Anyway, i’m going to go now and cry at more things, as my hormones betray me and send me loop-da-loopy. (My eyes are seriously puffy now, due to the weeing. Weeing? I meant WEEPING!! Haha. That’s another story. I Literally look like Pippa puffy eyes, which when you’re Asian doesn’t really work. You just look angry and like you’re about to eat peoples domestic pets, if they come any further. But saying that i love being from the orient. Like i say to my chick friends, people PAY for us to be their wives, simply because the foolishly think we’re submissive and slaggy. It’s always the mail order THAI bride, not the Mail order bride from Ossett. No-one’d pay for that. 🙂 )
I really do hope you’re all having a smashing time and well i love reading all your messages.
If you do anything this weekend, keep it sexy. Get ya hair did, or treat yourself to a pamper. Or even pick out a bit of saucy lingerie to shock the life out of your mister. (When i wore my Ann Summers Sailor suit. Keiran went boner bananas, coz my boobs were all ‘boingy bulge’ fest. He bonked me on the sofa like a little kid in a candy store, then as soon as we got up for air, after a satifying ‘ooh’ and a pat on the back, he looked at my boobs, then threw me on the sofa and bonked me again, because the sailor suit got the better of him.’ They love a bit of ‘ooh laa’ and so should you. Have fun with it. It’s healthy. 😉 )