I’m writing a book bitches!

Amazing day! I mean it was looong, (spent 6hrs on trains) but simply amazing. I’ve pretty much travelled and worked all day. I had to get up in the early hours of the morning. I’ve only just got home, (it’s 8pm) and work is still not over yet. I have one more interview for some exotic land and having to work on other peoples time zones. Life is good right now. I’m doing well for a floozey with a dream. I’m not sure whats happenning, but life is really working itself out for me. The old ‘Geezer’ up above is cutting me some slack for a change. (He probably wants a blowjob.)

So i went to see my writing consultant today ‘Stephanie J Hale,’ who is in charge of sorting out my life in literature, PR, networking and money making. She is now the most magnificent lady i know. The things she came up with are simply wonderful. It seems everything i told her i ever wanted to do in life, can quite easily be sorted and in a ‘click-click’ jiffy. We’ve got to work already. She knows how to do everything and is an intellect. Finally! I’ve found the ‘brains’ of the operation. I will submit to performing in my sexy chimpy manner and SHE (Stephaine J Hale) will be the ‘brain’ in my life that actually works!! Its bizarre, as i really do think i’ve found a mentor. Someone who actually KNOWS whats she’s doing AND she’s a chick, so she doesn’t want to get in my pants! (Most of the men i’ve worked with in my life, have only ever wanted to work with me so they can try and bonk me.)

It started off with a bang, as i stood looking like a Glamour puss outside her home, whilst spits of rain spat on me. She didn’t think i was going to show up…no-one ever does…but i always do! (You can’t get rid of me that easy!) I ‘buzzed’ and her sheer face of SHOCK was HILARIOUS! She gave me a ‘who the hell are you’ face, when she fisrt saw me. Then 3 seconds in she snapped out of it and shouted a sudden ‘Oh Chrissie.’ I sort of surprise waltzed in, all white fur coat and ‘luxury’ hair ready to get book deals and take over the world. She probably thought i was a tit, but luckily had a great sense of humour. I LOVE STEPHANIE! (I’m always showing up out of the blue. I need to stop doing that.) It seems you’ll always meet me when you very least expect it! (OOh-la la!)

Usually when Stephanie meets people, she gets all suited up and pours a display of flowers on the table to look all professional. She didn’t know i was coming, so she was a wee bit panicked, casual, with her washing out, childrens toys on the floor, and glad that she had just got out of her pyjamas! I loved it! I work much better in an informal environment. A cosy nest of love. A magical tavern of knowledge. When i’m comfortable, i’m surprisngly obedient and i flourish. When i’m not, i’m a sexy nuisance of a swine.

I sauntered in looking like a Joan Collins if she were a Pussycat doll, and immediately started gabbing about myself, as she made a giant pot of coffee. I actually felt like i was on drugs when i first walked in. I’d been living off caffeine since 5 am. I was wired!! I had an interview with Asia this morning on a train too that i had to do it in the skanky train loo. I was talking about my ‘oh so glamourous’ life, whilst in a pissy horrible toilet, with used tampons, poos and all sorts of delicious treats scattered around my feet. Whoever shits in those loos, needs a fucking slap! The worst part is always having to walk out and the ‘next in line’ thinks you made that inappropriate mess. Like i really strutted in there, in my fur, pulled down my pants and ‘squat shat’ on the rubbery floor. (The soiled tampons we’re probably mine though. Vagina litter rocks.)

Anyway, i got distracted?? Okay! So we sat at her kitchen table, looking through into her garden and discussed my future, with note pads and warm beverage. I don’t want to tell you too much about it, as i don’t want to ‘jinx’ it. However i will tell you that it’s amazing and well i’m going to be writing a book, doing some filming, some entrepenuring  shortly followed by taking over the goddamn world. I feel so lucky. So confident. Sexy as hell right now and like i’m rocketing my way to success…(whilst sleeping with boys on my merry way!) Yipee!! I can’t believe it’s all coming together. I can’t believe i’ve actually met a woman who likes me. Infact, the whole of today has been filled with so much great news, that i think i should take this moment to swear out loud, wiggle and then faint for attention in celebration. I’m actually going to do fucking well. (In your face!!!)

The majority of my day was spent in Oxford, where the people wear sensible shoes, drive pratical cars, have push bikes and wear V-neck sweaters. I looked so out of place. Y’know? The type of person they’d all despise at first. Then adore after a few jolly weeks of getting them drunk and sleeping my way to popularity. I love Oxford. It’s full of people who actually know what they’re doing in life. It makes sense. LOVED MY LIFE TODAY!! I’m finally in it, to WIN it! Step aside!

8 thoughts on “I’m writing a book bitches!”

  1. Oh well maybe one day chrissie maybe one day when I become a oil baron or a star u will say I used to mig him on me blog

    Reply

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