I’m Pretty Exhausted

It’s been a long day in Birmingham. I’ve only just got home and i’m exhausted. KNACKERED!! (The Katie Price, Piers Morgan interview is on tv- she’s talking about ‘the divorce’ and well i just have so much empathy for her. Divorces are awful. I mean mine definitely ruined my soul for a jolly old bit. It’ the quickest way to feel worthless for a good few drunk months, cry yourself to sleep and knock up your ‘i’ve slept with’ tally board number up to some hideous ‘hope i never see them again’ score of a whore. )

Anyway, yeah most random day ever. I was followed by the happiest man in the world ever, all eyes, teeth and scary ‘joy joy,’ who kept trying to make me eat noodles and sing country songs. I just kept scowling, and middle fingering him. (And i do mean as in ‘swearing’ and not ‘dodgey sexy stuff’ -as that would be a little bit awkward really?? Especially with all those ‘spook me out’ teeth.) Got locked in a room. Decided my baby brother is the cutest being ever. Felt like a piece of meat, that perverts could stare at and did a lot of smiling and waving. I’m like a tiny little over eyelashed clockwork doll, with a boob job and minor attitude problem. Hurrah!! Need Booze!

I’m definitely on my way up…i dont know how i’m getting so lucky, but i thank the Gods of ‘Good times’ for it all. I had to watch a very long kareoke session today, which oddly had photo images of dead people slide- showing behind each act! They have a twisted fuck view on ‘good times.’ It confused me a little because the singing was so awful (and isn’t it usually meant to be ‘nice in tune’ singing….. to dead people??) It also was to Girls Aloud…which once again worried me a little. Now, I’m the kareoke Queen on the world, (when tipsy..which is all the time) and only one time has my microphone actually been turned off mid-song due to sheer ‘can’t stand her voice anymore-ness,’ therefore if i think it’s shit…it really must be!! I gave my rendition of Usher’s ‘Yeah’ song and as you can imagine….it was quite AMAZING. All i could hear were people telling me to get my tits out and gossiping about how much of a slut they though i was. But loudly!! (Hahha…) I was like at least wait until i leave you slags of swines!! My Mother had a back though. You’ll not beable to say anything bad about me, without having her elbow you in the googlies at least twice.

Infact surprisingly, i’ve had a lot of people sucking up to me today. It does happen a lot…so i’m not sure why i used the word ‘surprisingly?’ Yet today it took the biccy (chocolicky.) I’ve always said i despised ‘suck ups.’ But it seems i really love them when it’ s me they are sucking up to!!! (Hahaha…) I need a spa day. It’s past the Cinderella hour and i’m still working. (And currently chatting with Billi Bhatti on Facebook about ‘Booty.’) I’m a workaholic now. I always knew i’d disappoint myself!! I only wish to be a Lady of Leisure. I was doing so well. Now i’ll die young from sheer exhaustion.

Oh God!! Infact, someone said i was a ‘stuck up bitch’ today..because i apparently walked around like the Queen of Greatness. I’ll give them that! I am a bit ‘stuck up, think i’m too cool for school, up my own arse bitch’ at times. But i am trying to rummage my way out. It’s just a bit messy in there, so it’s taking a little longer than neccessary. I really don’t take myself seriously. If you see me being a stuck uppiddy…just slap me one and i’ll be fine. (Ugh! I’m currently having a flashback of ‘Latin Lover’ and I on a bed. I was jealous because he was making ‘Oooh yeah ‘ noises at Kerry Washington’s naked bum, that was on our tv. Instead of being cool, clam and collected. I got mad, grabbed his finger and bit it! (Hahaha..) I thought he’d just yell at me or laugh it off. He turned into a 5 year old, stomped a little, cried and then locked himself in the bathroom for 20 mins. I asked him to come out…but he wouldn’t, so i did that ‘fake sleep’ thing.)

Anyway, i’ve felt like i’ve been trapped in a Hollywood style movie today. You know how they always have that ‘posh garden party scene’ in every romantic comedy?’ Well yeah i was living it today and not even on booze!! UGH!! Infact, that’s not very Hollywood at all. I run on booze and good times and at one point i believed that gauging my eyes out with rusty bread knives would be somewhat more entertaining. OH the life of a socialite!! I’m working too hard.

Travelling back..which took ages..i stared out the car window and thought about all the things that had happened to me in life. (Good and Bad.) I don’t even know how i’m alive, how i survived it, or how i’m still smiling??? But I did and i am- so thank fucking Lord for it!!

I just got off the phone to Jonny, who i’m missing an awful lot, that it’s actually taking a lot of energy out of me. I now hate being away from him. I’ve just fallen for him good and proper…and can’t seem to function very well without him. He did the ‘phone pass’- y’know when someones drunk and passes the phone to family members, so they can all talk to you without much warning. I’m not a fan of the ‘phone pass.’ It scares me!!  I’m just shy around other peoples families and mainly because they don’t usually like me very much at all. I think i was shouting ‘Noooo! Noooo’ down the phone to him, as he was proceeding to ‘pass.’ I’ve had plenty a Mother refuse to let me in their home, including my own at times!! Champion!!! Tommy’s New York Mum banned me forever, because i said the word ‘masturbate’ infront of her when drunk. (Hahahah.) But in my defense she was deliberately getting me drunk to grill me. I think she even phoned my mum in England. LOL!! Another Mum called me ‘slut’ to my face. Another one got drunk and passed out. Another just said ‘No’ and well i could go on forever! (2 more sleeps! I love him!) I’m about to get into trouble!!

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