Had a girl try to have sex with me last night. That’s why i’m up so early, (7.29am) simply because a fine sense of ‘awkwardness,’ (a medium i usually flourish in) got the better of me. I guess, it’s one jolly thing, if it’s just some random hot girl that you don’t really know, who decides she wants a bit of lesbian sex. But when it’s a girl..i’ll call her ‘Fanny snacker’ that you’ve known for quite a dear dear while, who you didn’t actually know was a lesbian because you’re somewhat aquainted with her boyfriend, who you’ve recently found out was never her boyfriend..the story changes. (Don’t feel bad for making out with him now.)
Last night, ‘Fanny snacker’ (sounds like a cute childrens book for perverts) had nowhere to stay after getting trashed so drunk dialed me to see if i had ‘room at the Inn?’ I should’ve just said ‘No.’ But kindness got the better of me, (Please kindness is over rated) and before you know it, she’s half naked laying in my bed…even though i tried to make her sleep in the ‘spare.’ (Tyre not room.)
It’s quiet, it’s normal, she asks me about ‘Jonny’ then rolls over so she can talk ‘too close’ to my face. All i could smell was booze, which i quite liked (my ex-husband would always say he loved it when i smelt of ‘Liquor.’ It would turn him on. Weird really as not much else would? Bad joke.) Anyway, then she’s doing the girly, ‘I’ve always really loved you’ bullshit, starts to stroke my face, then attempts to go in for the kill. (Hahaha..) The infamous ‘Lean in..’ (We’ve all done it.’)
There was an odd yet hilarious moment of struggle and squealing. FUCKING hilarious might i add. At one point i felt like she was holding the back of my head, and KING KONG pushing it towards her, with her tongue slithering out, whilst i’m pushing as hard as i can AWAY from her now sloppy face and pissing myself laughing.
I laughed my way through the struggle, and then got mad, as tiredness kicked in and she was going way too far.. I’m not really a force to be reckoned with once i’m not laughing at you anymore. I think i might have slapped her, (well i did hit her) tried to break her arm a little (oh the joys of friendship) and then tucked her (it does say’ Tucked’ her) in and went to sleep… pissed off. Once she got naggy & desperate…i really couldn’t be arsed. I mean i do have empathy for her, as I HAVE been her, many a time with a couple poor dear boys before. But now i know how annoying I must have been… I’ll never do it again. (Lol) It’s like God sent me a lesson to learn, but parcelled in a drunk fat lesbian. Not even a ‘Lipstick.’ (Ghosts of Wunna’s past.)
Hope she leaves soon. Plus I promised I wouldn’t blog about it….Oopsie! If you don’t wanna appear in the blog, then don’t litter my life with stories of Grandeur. Plus, If you want to score ‘The Wunna,’ the best way is to NOT force yourself on Her or anyone really. (Lol.) Play it cool, keep it sexy, be loving, be ‘Oooh laa’ and don’t be a girl who tries to eat me out, when i clearly have a headache. Like i’ve said millions of times before…If i like you, i will always, ALWAYs make the first move. There’ s no shame in my game. (Winky Wink!)
8 thoughts on “I Don’t Get Down like That and Lesbians”
that would of been a nice view if the other richard was a sort and all
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
amazing! i want to know more hahahahaha.
that is amazing chrissie.
does wazza know yet? he will be over the moon.
that would of been a nice view if the other richard was a sort and all
Pervert…love it x
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
amazing! i want to know more hahahahaha.
that is amazing chrissie.
does wazza know yet? he will be over the moon.
It was TERRIFYING
you got les-bob raped! well done 🙂
are you home? has she gone home?
she’s still asleep..not even stirring. I guess she doesn’t have job, as she’s certainly not a socialite.
uhhhh … it just gets better.
i hope i don’t know her because then the mocking is wrong :/
just go out and leave her a note.
Hahah..i hope you do…then she can be ridiculed her whole entire life by the masses.
You can’t try to girl rape The Wunna lol