I told you so………

 

ANOTHER DAY OFF! My final day of rest before I slip back into my work boots and glide back onto ‘mode’ before a delightful Easter of bunny fun with my babies! Yeah! Yeah! Baaaaby! So far, I’ve picked up sight, bantered with new work colleagues mid-travels, checked out sunny holidays for the babies, forgotten to buy boots, remembered to buy lip balm for my achy breaky lips. (FYI/ Nothing is worse to me than sore lips. I can’t stand the feeling of it. I had to nip into Primark and grab myself some Walls Mini Milk strawberry lip balm, in order to begin the soothing process merrily. It worked. That stuff is a miracle.) I also met with my estate agents, rushed around a bit more, cringed at some of the people in Wakefield (if it is 10.45am and you are gurning in pinned eye balls…you are an idiot. Pull yourself together.) I’ve run every errand under the sun. I currently have my fingers crossed. I’m chilling with my own papa and now enjoying a sunshine elderflower gin, that I got for £1.50. IT IS ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS and perfect for sunny sunny afternoons. Refreshing, classy and fun. Just like Moi. 😉

Life is still great. I’m happy as can be. I’ve loving Mummyhood and the children have never been happier. Ruby has REALLY come into her own now, after months of feeling anxious, unsure and partially broken, due to the yo-yo-ing of a gent, who she adored more than life itself. He broke her faith. But now she’s 100% back to BRILLIANT and BEAMING. I’m SO PROUD OF HER. I have never seen her so happy. Junior (Mummy’s boy galore) is IN EVERYTHING. You name it…he’s in it.  Happy go lucky, chipper, giggly, yet highly dramatic, with a extra dollop of charm…that boy will be a mayhem 2 year old. I’ve never seen a crawler, dash so fast from wall to wall and empty the entire contents of a home out onto the floor in SECONDS. Then giggle like it was the most fun ever. You put it all back. He does it again. My Daddy has been spending double time with Junior and well now they’re super close. My parents want another Doctor in the family, so i think they’re trying to bribe the children. The one that does it, if any, will become the favourite. Lol. We tested a ‘look at this poorly’ moment on Ruby, with a spot on my ankle. She looked at it like she was going to cry and never speak to me again. Junior however, crawled up to it with a toy hammer and looked at me like he was about to chop it off, with laughter. I see a surgeon in the future. #favouritechildalert

Work is good. I enjoy making money because it makes me feel of worth and like i’m doing myself justice, doing my kids proud and making my Mama smile. It all builds up to a glorious future. Beauty line wise, all is still on track. Today I did a secret walk around the stores that i’m pitching too to see where MY PRODUCT would fit in display wise and price wise. It’s called ‘walking the floor.’ Today the floors were walked my Wunna and I enjoyed every second of it. My eyelashes are going to be ace and i’m just happy that they’re MINE and that i created them, judged the quality myself and did all the designing. (Ugh, i have an itch, my skin has exploded with a rash. It’s a stress rash. I have a lot going on right now and well it’s hard for me to express it all, so it’s all erupting sexily on my skin. Fun! My good friend in LA, DK, told me once that it happened to him. This girl he adored broke up with him and he weirdly felt fine about it. Well…so he thought…He had actually subconsciously held his pain in emotionally and well his skin held up a ‘ah hell no’ flag and decided to burst out with a case of THE SHINGLES. I know! Crazy! (That’s what’s happening to me, but with a lot of stuff, all at once.)

Once i have my lash line out and i’m all moved into my new home and well my day job is going great, so that’s not a worry..i’ll be fine. Like i told you, i’m naturally a worrier, who cleverly pretends that all is fine with a wiggle and a wink. IT’S STRESSY UNDER THAN WINK. 🙂 I’m quite a sensitive, yet loving girl and well i just like everything to go harmoniously and mainly for the welfare of my babies and my own bit of ‘hurrah, i made it.’ I’m ambitious and I want my family, my babies and of course myself to be super proud of me! I’m getting there!

On the Keiran front, he’s now getting mildy frustrated because he can’t seem to get comfy in the dodgy bed that he made. Bottom line, if you make awkward choices, wrong choices, or choices that at the time you thought were right, that ended up being wrong…the problem with that poor choice making, is that during your poor choices, bridges were burnt and a lot of people were hurt. I know, i’ve been there, yet when i was poor choice making….I didn’t have hard core responsibilities and i did it when i was young. Being young is always good for mistake making. It makes it okay, for when you’re older…the light bulb comes on.

At the time…he didn’t care because of course the grass is aaaaaaaaaaaalways greener and oh my gosh.. partying and single freedom is soooooo much fun! And well aaalllll the boys get to do aaaall this stuff, that i’m not allowed to doooooo because i have a pregnant wife and baby, that I have to look after.  (Teenage behaviour. I swear he had delayed adolescence. It’s an actual problem.)

Well..all proper grownups, who have already lived quite a decent life and who are grateful for the responsibilites that they have, like wives, husbands, babies…etc…no longer make shit choices. They choose the things that matter in life, when life has come to an end. On ya death bed, you’re really not asking for a sambuca shot, your guy friends and that chick you once flirted with for sex in some nightclub where your feet stuck to the floor. Nor are you asking for a picture of your car, your house, you bank statement. The things that matter are your family, your true love..your children. It’s not hard a concept to come to terms with.

So yeah, he’s grumbling because he can’t have his cake an eat it and do bachelor and family guy all at once (awww) and wait…whenever HE WANTS. (Oh really? Snooze.)

I mean, who on earth glamourised the situation for him (lol) to make him think that his choice to leave his wife and family ..(his responsibilities..and we all come as one..) and do it the way he did it…AND simply for the art of partying would be glorious! HAHAA. Idiot! Who patted him on the back and told him that this would be great and it would be all un-troublesome and best for both himself and the family. Lol. Who told him what he wanted to hear, instead of what would actually happen. HAHAHA. If he was a King going to war, then he’d have shit advisers and end up spattered in armour, outside his own castle. Who does he actually know that has it easy with wives and children after leaving! Who told him that there would be no heart break, that it wouldn’t hurt the children, that a good mother would sacrifice the stability of her babies for male party boy nonsense. (Some mums would. Not me. I’m not rubbish at this Mummy malarky.) Who assured him that being continuously disrespectful to his wife, would put him in a better position, when it came to setting an example for his son. And WHO ON EARTH told him that I would be STUPID enough to put up with being treated so badly and for so long?

It’s like he had some blissfully deluded, pastel, misty watercoloured picture in his head,where he could go party with the boys, fly off to countries without telling me, flirt with women, emotionally and verbally abuse me, slag me off, play victim, distance himself from the children, do whatever he wanted, when he wanted and skip in fields merrily to happy songs of delight, as the world revolved around him and everyone catered to all of his poor choices and needs.

REALITY CHECK. *Boom* WRONG ANSWER!

That’s not how it works…DARLING. You use, abuse or disrespect a girl…she will not like you. 🙂 Didn’t anyone teach him that?  Especially if she has respect for herself and her children. Over the past few months i have been nothing but kind and loving towards him, whereas HE has done nothing but treat me with great disregard whenever i’ve been kind and every other time inbetween. I figured my kindness was wasted on him. He wanted to be nasty to me for nothing expect the negative art of holding onto the past, his own tormented childhood issues and well being an idiot. Like my friends say…he’ll learn that being married to Chrissie Wunna isn’t or wasn’t as bad as he thought. Someone glamourised the potential consequences of his actions for him, or patted him on the back with a ‘you’re not doing anything wrong.’ How silly of him not to use his own or actual brain.

Fact.

Walking out on your wife and children, when she has just given birth 3 months previous is not only dishonorable…but simply just bad. And i’m not talking chav tastic bad, as i’m so far from that that level of conduct, i’m talking simply BAD FORM. Baaaaaaaaaaad form…especially when she needed you the most! Selfish..baddddddddd, BAD… form. And especially when the reason was simply  to party, wallow in self pity, slag off the lady you vowed to love, after she birthed your child , then self destruct in recreational vices and just be a good old fashioned tit, whilst telling everyone half truths about the situation. It was one of those moments (and i got loads of messages) where all normal, decent people just looked at him and at his Facebook page and thought ‘what an absolute knob.’ 🙂 Everyone could see it but HIM. 🙂 (Oh and his party posse, who to be honest, don’t actually really care about his future relationship with his son, wife…etc.)

Now that the girl…me…is over it all…(and it’s been ages since September, so i’m proud that I finally came to my senses…) you’re moaning because of your OWN previous choices. The ones you made yourself. We would’ve loved him forever, but he didn’t want us to. I would’ve done an eternity with him. He didn’t want me to. His own choice. His own fault.

Bottom line, if your argument is the fact that I get to see the children every day and well you don’t…then how about this thought….this wacky little concept….(and this is what I said to him…)

I get to see the children EVERY DAY because THAT IS WHAT I CHOSE. I CHOSE to be there for them no matter what, PUT THEM FIRST, LOVE THEM FULL TIME and make amends at all costs, for their stability, knowing that once the hard bit was done, i’d have more freedom to have fun and be me once more. That way i would have the balance of everything, be part of a loving family, have myself back, be working, be able to again have fun and have life the way it should be and used to be. I knew that because i’ve learnt from past mistakes! I now have the best of everything because I made the right choices. He didn’t. That’s not my problem. Whoever taught him to be a man, taught him wrong. I won’t let that happen to my son. Keiran knows i’m a great mother, so it’s hard for him to critisize me when it comes to that department. Where as my list could be endless with him…

And you see…the thing about making poor choices when you’re young is that when you’re older, you just know not to make the same mistakes again, or you have time to change the outcomes of certain problems. Yet, when you’re a grown up and with actual responsibilities, those wrong decisions..can change your life FOREVER. Sad, but true. And he still hasn’t even managed to think of a way to make it right…when it’s the EASIEST puzzle in the world…if he KNEW ME.

So yeah…you chose the single, fun, party boy life, over a stable one, filled with a ‘loving family’…so go live it, love it…be happy. We are! I especially am now that they’re at an age where the hard sleepless nights is all over. I’m in the fun stage, that he couldn’t be bothered to live through. Not my fault. You walked away and chose a different path from us…and he can’t separate me from the children. He likes to do that, he likes to say, I left you, not them. Well…honey…we come as a team. I don’t ever see myself as ‘just me’…which is why i am a GOOD PARENT. I’m not selfish. Plus, having a WIFE is an actual man’s responsibility. He doesn’t see it as one. Meaning he has no respect for women and doesn’t understands love. Yet he doesn’t have a role model for it, I guess?

But whatever, before when I was all cheery with him, was when it would’ve been easy…yet now, he can kiss my hot, loving, behind!

What i’ve newly learnt is that children DON’T NEED both parents to be happy and successful human beings…they just need full time stability (which he didn’t offer, but I do) and really good role models of both genders. They have that! Plus, he’s lucky…like I always say because he chose moi to birth babies with…Junior goes to the best nursery, will go to the best schools, be enrolled in every activity that he wishes to be, will want for nothing, be loved, have an inheritance, a trust fund and be surrounded by love daily, constantly, full time…and by very decent role models. He gets to grow up the way I did. Is that really so bad?

I don’t think so…

Lesson of the day….people carve their own paths…and when you do, you have to be ready to walk in that path you have carved and deal with the consequences that occur with it. You always have the opportunity  in life to make something right..yet until then..enjoy the walk. I mean, who’d a thought, the fun life of a party boy wouldn’t be fun forever?? Pahahaha. Everyone BUT HIM.

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