I love Salad Bar

Insane day today! Lots of pathetic busy-boding around, in the pouring rain. The wind was so gusty it actually blew my own eyelashes off my face. You know you’re a whorey trollop, when your eyelashes are actually ‘Gone with the wind.’ I was literally having to hold them on with my boney fingers….in the bloody RAIN!!  (Tragic!!! ) Anyway, I’m quite proud of my fat self today because i actually managed to be productive. It seems all you need to do in life in order to be productive…is to simply BE productive. 10 points to me!! I actually posted very important ‘to be posted’ stuff and in the chuffing rain!! Hurrah!! Finally!! I’ve been quite useless just recently. I was told that i had gotten a little too complacent due to my rather successful blog. (Broke my own record of hits again bitches!) And so i needed a little knocking down a few peggies. I got that! I’m all good again. I’m back on planet Earth. (But not for long you slags!)

I had so much to do today, and i’m kinda still doing them, yet i feel marvellous. (I’m currently stuffing my face with curried kidneys and rice.) I worked a lot, shopped a lot, winked a lot and it seems that i’m so tragic now that i actually carry my own pad of paper and pen with me, incase anyone should ask for my autograph. What is WRONG with me?? I was in River Island today (love the store) and a teenage girl, with her lovely mum approached me and asked for a little ‘Piccy-Piccy-Sign.’  They didn’t have pen or paper with them, so i pulled both pen AND paper out of my bag of tricks (tragic) and signed sweet nothings for the lovely ‘Charlotte.’ God, i’m such a loser. But fuck it, i loved it! And so did she!! With a camera phone click, and a ‘can i add you on Facebook’… it was all done, and i went back to purchasing a neon dress…in lime. Delicious! Don’t care who you are or what you do! I’m in flipping NEON!!

I missed my friends birthday pub crawl today. They were doing this thing where you get on a train and have a drink at each stop, in the station pub. As this merry madness was occuring, i unfortunately was sitting in a bank, looking at the tits on cashier #2. She was one hell of a battle axe, a large set woman, with the face of a bull dog, but had the chest of ultimate excitement!! It was all bulbus and swollen. It was HUGE!! I think i had minor sexual feelings towards her….well until my bacon butty came. (Nice tits love, but it aint nothing compared to this piece of sweaty pork!)

Other than the shopping, the shoot and the everything else. During my break i managed to run as fast as i could (which is a slow totter) to Morrisons to grab me some ‘salad bar.’ I’m obsessed with Salad bars in grocery stores. Yes it’s odd. But there’s a lot worse going on in this world my dear children. (cough*Gary Glitter*cough.) In the end the rain got the better of me, and i simply couldn’t face it. So in true Chrissie Wunna style, i persuaded a darling of a lovely, with kind words, love and severe bullying to go get me some fucking salad bar! I kept screaming ‘NOOOOOOW!!’ NOOOOOW’ and stomping my feet until they simply couldn’t stand me anymore. It works wonders!

However…when they left, i felt all alone and lonely. It’s the rain, it always makes you feel like shit. So i wound down the windows of the car i was sat in..(it was blue) and turned the radio up full blast. It was hilariously loud and deliberate to annoy as many people as possible. So there’s me sitting in this tiny blue car, with ‘The Macarena’ (hahaha…love it) sounding out of the windows, full BLAST, in the fucking rain, with bunny ears on! (Long story.) Everyone kept giving me those, ‘Why are you even alive on this planet with me’ faces! HAAAHAHAHAH! I’m a tit!

Then i decide to get out of the car, as surely the girl i blackmailed into getting me my salad bar, would not make correct salad bar choices. (Which drives me insane!!) So i start aimlessly tottering out and around the parking lot, looking for help and my dignity all in pink and fur….ONLY to find a car with the most annyoing alarm beeping from it, like some kind of digital whore of a fog horn. In this  car (Corsa…also blue, ) was a granny. She was seemingly terrfied and was doing faces at me like i should be helping her. Ofcourse i tried to ignore her! (hahaha) But then i thought, y’know what i should probably go check it out?? I got to the door and had second thoughts, as i had these shocking fears of the owner of the car approaching, seeing me trying to get the door of open, the alarm pounding off like i was raping a 3 legged donkey and well with some Granny sitting there, doing odd goldfish faces at me, all terrifed. So i waved, pretended i didn’t hear her and went to get my salad bar.

2 thoughts on “I love Salad Bar”

  1. looool ohhh you make me laugh! I am just going through and getting my chrissie blog fix of the week… your life is like a soap opra girlie!! you need a holiday haha xoxoxoxox

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