I Love my F****** Life!!!!

Morning my Pretty Munches of Meat. Quick pic of me in the V.I.P area of ‘Embassy,’ people watching through a glass window. (Aah the life of a Glamour pussing socialite.) Anyway, this morning i feel AMAZING, after a ‘yesterday’ of ‘da blues.‘ This is why you should all write blogs…when you feel like shit, then you write it out..it’s almost 100% cleansing. It rids your system. You can see what actually happened to you.. in black and white (well pink in my case.) You can edit the bits that you don’t really fancy, pretend that they never even happened. (Denial rocks!)  Then take the piss out of your tragic self, with a cocktail, a party hat and wink of ‘danger danger.’ It kinda also makes room for additional sinning. It’s like an emotional clean out. Like a colonic, but without a tube up ya crummy nutty anus and a funny man in a mask. I’ve regretted doing a LOT of foolish things in my life (don’t you just  hate it when people say they have ‘no regrets,’) but the blog is something i that truely cherish because i started it for no other reason but ‘fun’ and because a man who makes coffee on 3rd and La Cienega told me to. I didn’t realise how big it would get. (Yes i am boasting, but fuck it i’m a LEEEGENND!!! A (excuse my ‘about to swearness’) MUTHA FUCKING ‘Yeah bitch’ LEEEEEEEGEEEND!!!

I’m loving my life right now, and feeling like the Ultimate Glamour Puss. I’m an ‘IT’ girl and it cracks me up, as all i ever wanted to do was be AMAZING, take over the world and make a living out of being myself. (Coz i’m Lazy slag.) I complained a lot yesterday, but d’ya know what i feel really lucky. I’ve done everything i ever promised myself I would, and a whole lot of other bullshit. I also want you guys to do the same… but have a lot less of a bumpier ride. (My bumps are now all in the right places. Learn from my mistakes. Get them off your road to ‘happiness’ and totally in your chest! ) Most people don’t have a dream come true because they give up half way or dont bother trying anymore. (haha…nothing like determination.) If you ask any of my friends in LA I NEVER gave up on anything. I worked my merry arse off, always believed in my sad self and well bizarrely made a really good living. Plus, I managed to find time to get drunky all the way through it all.Yeah i was a bit of a nuisance, a bit ruthless…a bit of a cheeky bitch. But they always knew i’d do it in the end. I have this ability to not focus on anyone else’s life but my own, (Hahah…ofcourse…selfish cunt. It’s a talent.) But i guess what i’m trying to say is that NOTHING is impossible. What ever you want out of life, you can have because someone, somewhere has it. You just need the confidence to believe it, then get up off your ‘better not be hairy’ hiney and DO it. Wing it bitches and with style. (Hair toss, hair toss, ‘ooh look at my Cartier.’)

Thanks for all my messages..the sweet ones are lovely, the awful ones are oddly loving too. I can’t believe how angry some of you are. (Lol.) At least i’m making you ‘feel.’ But whether you like it or not, this ‘sorry ass airhead of a Bimbo’ is inspiring loads of people of every kind and of all ages, to be bold, brash and be noticed regardless as to what ‘don’t count at all’ others think of them and i’m doing it all over the world. I’m helping people think alot more highly of themselves, but beable to take the piss out of their sorry arse, AND have a good time whilst doing it. (Which is the biggest thing to me really. People always forget to ‘Enjoy.‘) I’ve also noticed that people count on my happiness to make them happy.. which i love, because at the end of the day, i’m an entertainer. It’s my job to cheer you miserable slags up. Luckily i’m the most tragic court jester you’ll ever see. I don’t even have to try to make people laugh AT me. My life is one boozey ‘drunk uncle’ joke. As soon as i totter out my house i’m ridiculed for existing.

I do have ‘Beauty Tips’ coming later on for you chicas! I’m just figuring out what i’m wanting to give away, so don’t worry, they are coming…promise.  (Code for ‘Quit nagging’.) Already and it’s not even noon yet, i have odd male beings on Facebook asking for pictures of my ‘pussy.‘ (Romance is alive.) I dont reply to them, because it’s always the old ugly pervs, who put a naked hot ‘dreamboat’ as their ‘profile’ picture, then hit on any piece of ass that will listen to them. Then after feeling guilty & showering me with apologies, I still don’t answer and they then tell me to ‘go to hell.’ Honey, I have a drink down there waiting for me, with a side of dildo. I’m good with the Devil. We make ‘Whoopee.’ He has my soul on sale. I have his number.

Love you bitches. I’m off to Brunch.. (‘JL

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