I love Bum Grabs

Just sat in my office writing you this blog. I prefer to write it around people, y’know…arond a bit of hustle and bustle. (I was always one of those babies that could only sleep around noise.) I’ve just returned home from a busy day of ‘Tom Foolery’. Some of you went to church, others had mojitos for breakfast, and chose slutty outfits for upcoming events!! I spent a lot of time around people today. So i got to do a lot of smiling and nattering with BBF fans. Meeting people is my favourite. I have a natural interest in other peoples lives. (Code for: ‘I’m a nosey bitch of a whore.’) I asked this one lovely girl who kept screaming at face in a coffee shop, all about her tragic love life, her new boyfriend, why it wasn’t working and how she managed to make her boobs look so good in ‘that’ dress. She said i’ve ‘changed her life.’ What she doesn’t know is that i also stole her wallet!! Hurrah!

I’m currently loving old school glamour, mixed with a Pamela Anderson slaggy edge. I like ‘Glamour Pussing’ with a ‘modern’ twist and it’s the image i try to portray…yes i do it quite badly, but probably a bit better than you. (LOL.) I rocked ‘it’ today. I was all wiggles and struts and the boys came to heel.  I felt like one of those ‘Darlings’ from the olden days, who all the guys would stop and tip their hats to, as she passed. I got a lot of whistles, winks, stares and applause simply for exisiting.( I will get over myself…honest!) One gentlman, did kissy kissy lips at my boobies (which made them giggle inside my bra) and another quite perverted tramp of a fugly brush, ‘bum grabbed’ me in H&M, then pretended it never even happened.

Now i don’t mind a cheeky bum grab. (I always think chicks are so uptight about all that!)  Boys will be boys and well i’m a touchy feely person anyhow. I love to touch all men. However, i had a dodgey wedgy, so he could’ve at least plucked my panties from out of my crackola, that my bottom had decided to swallow, mid- ‘feel up.’ I mean…how rude!! If you’re gonna ‘bum grab’ me in H&M, then at least have the decency to help a sister out!!

I then found myself trapped between Bibles and Jade Goody biographies, whilst talking to a young girl about Paris and the show. I knew my life was going down hill. How did i go from whistles, winks and inappropriate bum grabs, to a biography isle of Bibles and dead people.

 I have work to do and supposed to be getting blessed by monks tonight. I’m trying to get out of it…but i don’t like to be a let down. (Haha!) At least i’ve written this…that’s one think i can strike off my imaginary list of genius! Booyah!

19 thoughts on “I love Bum Grabs”

  1. And I had a shopping flirt in Primark of all places with the most gorgeous guy a couple of weeks ago. I loved it but went bright red!
    He caught me checking him out but then gave me the eye. I want to bump into him again!

    Reply
  2. Oh no how dare you be shy, instead of working it!!! You need to flirt more…for practise.

    You should already have that guys number, penis size and home address.

    Reply

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