Happy Monday. ‘It’s raining, but we’re alright, ’ is what it reads all over my socials today! And that’s how it should be! We’re just these little ‘bots’ jiggering upon an Earth Ball. We forget that sometimes, don’t we? Have fun. Love! Be delightful!
I just haven’t been able to write because so much has happened, keeps happening & is just happening, happening, always just happening. I’ve been okay through it. But fuck me, it’s exhausting.
That’s why there hasn’t been a blog and well, I’ve pretty much influenced a jolly bundle of things, that I currently need to blog about….and I’m pretty much booked up and out until just after the New Year. So I need to knuckle down now and focus.
I’m backed up, but I’m back on track.
Y’know, I keep having to get ‘back on track’ this year. However, all that matters, is that I keep on doing so. Make sure YOU also, keep on doing so… There’s only so long you can let something consume you… Turn it around. Or as we used to say in LA, ‘flip a bitch/Do a U-ey.’ Commit to the things that you love and everything else just drops into place.
I believe that. Plus Ruby can now sing ‘Head, Shoulders, Knees & Toes’ in Japanese because of languages at school… and Junior is a proud owner of a spy kit, and personalized pumpkin t-shirt. So what could be better! I love it!
‘Konnichiwa, Sensai Barker.’
Me: ‘Y’know, Issho & Wagamamas is Japanese Ru! AND my Kimono!!!’
Ru: ‘Urgh! God! Mum! I KNOW!!!!!!! I’m not an idiot! Haha.’
To be honest over the last week, I’ve felt truly impressed, (I’ve felt good) and my head & heart have been extremely clear. Extremely focused. I’ve felt much stronger with the old ‘va voom.’ I guess, I’m just lucky to have so much support around me.
Ruby, Junior and I are certainly happier than we have been of recent. It’s been hard on them. The stress of it all, still is. Yet, they’re so resilient. Our corner was gratefully fought. We’re now en route to a much cheerier & stable time. I couldn’t be more thankful.
Thank GOODNESS!!!! We’re almost there.
Thinking about it, Y’know, that’s something that WE all, YOU all, something every human in the world just DESERVES. Innit? A cheery, stable time, whilst we still have the time. Especially a child because they grow up to be us. The adults.
Being able to feel free and celebrate who you are is something I try and teach on. You have the right to be whoever you want to be, no matter how young or old you are. It’s weird how some people forget that.
However and anyway…. the surprisingly continuous and somewhat hectic ‘muddle & fuddle,’ the ‘nitty gritty’ headache of littered ‘dramatics,’ that insisted on popping right back on up, into Wunna Land, by others, (and I’m keeping it in the present, because it’s still actually live)….IS almost becoming ridiculous now.
It’s almost like it’s a circus. I never did like clowns.
But Blog wise….
I just closed myself off with ‘writers block.’ I felt okay, but I didn’t know what to say? I didn’t know how to dance around it? So I didn’t. I said nothing at all.
Boom! Shut! Door politely, yet temporarily closed.
All I could rightly see was THE LIGHT at the end of a rather long and dingy tunnel, with Ruby in one hand, and Junior In the other. I knew they were scared. But they trusted me enough to keep marching in the dark.
There was a moment they lost faith in themselves.
Ruby: ‘You just KNOW how to make everything better…’
Me: ‘I don’t. I’m just lucky. Just keep walking…’
We kept walking forward. Why wouldn’t we? We did it with pride, with fight…we stayed positive…and because of that each step forward, together, was both worthwhile and filled with love. When you fill things with love, those baby steps become strength STOMPS.
I mean I even put fairy lights up, through our tunnel journey, just to make the walk a little merrier. A little more fruitful.
It worked. We still had bursts of utter happiness.
Each time…we got a good few steps forward, ‘the Dramatics’ would force their jolly way in and try to hurt everyone. Y’know snip our wires, in attempt to leave our tunnel in darkness.
They did it well.
Almost like they were a pros at it. Almost like their work was filled with poor intentions and dashed in selfish wisdom, yet they were used to it. Almost like they’d done it so many times before, yet still weren’t able to find their happy place.
The lights were only temporarily out. Each time, ‘Drama’ snipped us out, with each baby by my side, I simply turned them back on, and kept going. We kept walking forward.
I saw a glint in my daughter’s eyes and she watch me, steer the ship of Wunna Land to safety. No matter what was going on. We managed it.
I watched my son, become a tiny baby step stronger. I also watched him hide in his tortoise shell. Yet every time he felt 10ft tall, we backed him all the way.
Me: ‘You will never ever have to go through that again. We’ve got you. Just keep walking…It’s going to be a little stressful. But soon…it’s going to be okay.’
We’re almost there now, where all wrongs will be dealt with and all rights will be celebrated. We went right from the front of the tunnel…that Junior initially walked alone. He walked it alone because he never dare tell anyone that he needed someone to walk with.
We’ve all walked beside him…and now we’re almost there. It’s almost nearly over and we can go back to our happy memory making.
Right now, I could go on a rant…I could tell you how disappointed I am that my babies have had to go through so much…
But we’re so positive that I’m not going to rant. I’m going to say this…
Thank you to every single human that helped, loved, understood, cared listened…I’ve said it so much, but because it’s meant so much to Ju, Ru & I.
We’re almost there, because of you.
We’ve never been in such a ‘muddle’ and are ever so utterly grateful…It is 100% because of the bravery of my kids and YOU, that we’re experiencing a much safer and happier time. (I have simply acted as support.)
Ofcourse, I’ve managed to thank a lot of people, however not everyone. Yet because we’re not at the end of the drama just yet. I still need to be aware….
But thank you, so much….so far.
From a bad experience always comes good. So I’ll also say….
If you ever need help….Don’t be afraid to ask. If you’re ever in trouble…Just say. If you’re ever in an opportunity to help, try to. If you’re ever grateful, show thanks.
Celebrate who you are! Stay positive. Don’t let others control the beliefs that are true to you personally. They’re broken. Not you.
Don’t let anyone turn your fairy lights off. Always find the switch and flip them back on! There’s comfort in darkness. All you have to do is refrain from panicking, feel comfy and find a solution. (It helps if you do this quickly.)
Good things happen to good people!!! Karma’s a bitch. It really is. Don’t mess with it.
Don’t let other people’s pain destroy your happiness. They have to find their own way out….like everyone else.
Share strength. Not weakness. Be kind.
It’s wrong to force others to do or be something or someone they don’t wish to be.
Bad times are just moments. They don’t last forever.
Commit to the things you love. Don’t let anyone take everything that makes you happy away from you.
Saturday morning…I re-checked into my world of acting. 9.30am, I was stood outside YAFTA, Leeds.
FYI/ I came out of Writers block because a young maths teacher (who writes Haikus) inspired me, whilst our paths accidentally crossed, over breakfast and coffee.
Maths teacher: ‘I can tell you’re writing a poem. I can see the scribble and the thought process.’
( I was talking to myself, so I must’ve looked nuts.)
Me: ‘Yeah, my daughter’s writing a poetry book and she asked me to try and find words that rhyme. Haha.’
Maths Teacher: ‘Poems don’t have to rhyme.’
Me: ‘I know. I told her that. She likes to sacrifice how she actually feels for a rhyme. Lol. She’s making me find words that rhyme with SPECTACULAR. Haha.’
Maths Teacher: ‘I’m writing a Haiku, but teach maths! Lol. Have you read….?’
You inspired me more than you thought. I hope your reading this! I didn’t catch your name. But yes…poetry makes the world go around. 😉
I hope our paths accidentally cross again. Oh! And I bought the Robert Robertson book 🙂