Hoochie Coochie Cooo

You know you’re a proper tart when you can’t find your eyelashes, after tearing them off your pretty slanted eyes whilst being mid-drunky, the night before. I found them stuck to the bottom of a halogen heater. I’m not sure how we have one of those in our house? But i adore them now…i mean who knew a heating device would catch eyelashes for Glamour Pusses. I only found one to be honest. However, that doesn’t bother a floozey like me…OH NO NO…*wiggle*..all i have to do is *purr,* then strut to a drawer and VOILA eyelashes GALORE!!! Drawers filled with them…’wow wow wee waa.’ (There’s also a glow in the dark condom in one…which i find bizarre. Not the fact that i have a condom…I mean ‘yay’ to safe sex. In the words of Loverboy…’if we’re in a house..we’re safe.’ Yet more because, the logic thinks it’s okay to catergorize eyelashes with glow iin the dark condoms. D’ya get what i mean? Like you put the fruit by the other fruit. The coffee, by the tea. The…[can’t thing of anything else…hahah…i love that i’m being hailed a genius.] But bottom line…you get it! I’m insane and i put the eyelashes, by the glow in the dark condoms. (Why am i wishing i had real life  midgets, holding open every door in my house? I want them to each have their own personality, and when you walk past them, they top up your wine…and swear at you aggressively. ‘Oh fuck off you fat bitch. More wine?)

Anyway, i have a lovely weekend planned. It’s bank holiday again, i think? Is it? I don’t know…but it’s sunny and i’m fully groomed. *Wink-pout-hair toss.* I think i have daytime jiggery pokery to tend to with my other half, who’s handsome. I was meant to be going to the Counting Houses ‘Hawaii party party’ tonight, but i’m not sure i can make it, due to the lack of finding a coconut bra. (Oh i loved a tweet to me yesterday that said, ‘I didn’t even realize you wore bras? Don’t you just wear tassles?’) I’m living, i’m loving, i’m making life worthwhile. I’m adoring all of you, more that you would believe and mainly because you’re all dipped in deliciousness and are beginning to come around to the Wunna way. I love, love, happiness, fun, sexuality, fiestiness and fairytales. I want you to know and trust that dreams come true and with a little bit of confidence, and a whole lot of ‘oooh’ YOU CAN DO ANYTHING. (I know this because everything you’ve ever dreamed of doing, someone somewhere has done it! It is achievable.) I’m a little burmese girl..(a hot one…:) ) from Doncaster. WOOHOO! If i can fly off to Hollywood, become a model, marry a movie star, get on the telly…YOU CAN TOO. That’s my story. Make your story, the way you always wanted it to read. Plus, it’s summer which is *amaze* much, because you can totally do it, in a sequinned bikini, with a Malibu pineapple, whilst wiggling to music, and shimming on a bar top…or a handsome, that you’ll never see again.  I LOVE

Leave a comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.