Hit me with your…

Feeling quite amazing today, a little emotional, and fiery…yet kind of happy with where my life is deciding to head. Work is good. My love life is even better and i pretty much feel completely alive. Make sure you’re living your life the way you always wanted too. I know i ramble on about it a lot, but really you get one shot to really truely ‘BE,’ feel and do. Unless ofcourse we do actually get reincarnated, and then you’ll have lots of shots to fuck life up…i know i’ve dabbled in a sincere amount of fuckery…but you might come back as ugly, jammed jar eyed pervert or even worse a freckly backed ginner, so i’d stick to living this life fully. (I’ve spent the whole morning, giving lapdances to a chair of imaginary clients. The tragic thing about the situation, is that i was ridiculously into it.) I use to play it as a child also and simply because i’m a disgusting treat of a twisted fuck. You Like?

Currently i’m in love, but it’s strange because i can’t remember if i’ve ever felt like this about someone before. I’m a bit confused. I have this sort of immediate flush of intense ‘ooh laa’ rushing through my body and all because of another ‘being’ that i seem to have a perfect connection with. (It could be the drugs, yet i’m blaming it on love.) He’s like my perfect other ‘half,’ (here we go again…lol) well playmate through life. (Although he doesn’t fucking ‘put out.’ But that will change… i always get what i want in the end. he doesn’t shag when i’m on my period. He’ll be fricking eating me out on my period, by the time i’ve finished with him!) It’s a dangerous feeling, because all the boys i’ve intensely loved and been sweet too, have pretty much done me very very wrong. But i’m happy so fuck it…and really need a mojito. I’m sure he’ll annoy me soon. (strut, strut, hip bump, wink.)

Oh and happy Fathers Day to all the daddies of the WORLD. I’m with mine right now, who i’m continously smooching in dying hope that feels me up. I think i felt a hand go up my skirt…but i’m being told i’m misreading the signs! He’s skimming my hate mail and laughing. I’m reading my fan mail and poking kittens in the eyes with my penis. I once (what am i talking about ‘once’,) I on numerous occasions have been poked in the eye with a penis. You know when a guy is ready for a blowy but he fumbles and misses your mouth and sort of jabs it in your eye. If that happens, just start using it like a telescope.

My guy friends and i would always prank each other, and well they would break into my appartment in LA whilst i was asleep, or climb up the side of my iron balcony thing…come into my room..pull down their pants, wank off a little bit to make their ‘who0pdee’ semi hard. They would then back up, followed by a hop, skip and a jump and smack it across my face…and just for a laugh. I’d wake up, (eventually..after abou tthe 3rd attempt) & start throwing glass objects at them. Yet one time i actually grabbed a boys car keys, climbed down a wall (with a cocktail in my hand) at 4am…got into his car and repeatedly smashed it into iron fencing, until they went home. This guy is actually a rather successful recording artist and lies about this incident over and over again. He went into my fridge downed half a bottle of vodka, got into his car after launching a flashing frisbee at my head, drove home, where he crashed into a string of wheely bins just off of Sunset blvd, got arrested (unfortunately had drugs on him, that he was taking to another recording artist who was staying at The Palazzo and went to jail for the evening..and all of this becuase he wanted to hit me in the face with this willy. He used me as his one phone call. I pissed myself laughing. Refused to bail him out…and with a ‘U fucking Bitch’ he went off to get anally raped by jail time gang members.

One to ‘The Wunna.’

22 thoughts on “Hit me with your…”

  1. ‘You know when a guy is ready for a blowy but he fumbles and misses your mouth and sort of jabs it in your eye.’

    Mateeee, I think I know why my eye is leaking…

    I’m gonna guess the artist was ‘eoghan quigg’
    LMAO

    Reply
  2. Hahaha…it would’ve been funnier if it was!! Imagine Quigg coming into my room, smacking me in the fsce with his stonker, downing my bottle of vodka and then driving into the evil clutches of decent law abiding (even though they hit on you, and rape you) policemen…to the soothing sounds of ‘High School Musical.’

    Reply
  3. u funny fucker eating u out when u are on your period what do u think he want claret in his mouth. u are a liberty makeing your pal do bird u should of bailed him out babe bird aint easy

    Reply

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