Okay…so i’m properly starting to fancy someone right now ( it is only ‘starting to’ by the way) and i hate myself for it. I’m like ‘oh nooo.‘ Which is odd for me because i’m usually like ‘Yeah baby yeah.‘ But i feel bizarrely a tad bit shy about it all. I guess he must subconciously bring out the ‘girly girl’ in me and without him even knowing. Like he doesn’t know i might fancy him at all because i’m using the sweet, inaffective move of completely trying not to, ignoring it, pretending i don’t and well, going against everything i stand for and not saying anything. (hahah…classic move. I don’t know why i’m all shy?? I feel stupid. Yet i know he does it too…) I’m oddly impressed by him? I need to stop.
But i have spent time with him recently and well i guess the more time you spend with someone, the kinda more you begin to fancy them right…accidently? Maybe i’ll only ‘begin to’ then be over it? But saying that everyones allowed to fancy anyone…it doesn’t really mean anythings going to come of it. I’m just usually a great deal more outspoken. But when he’s in the same room as me, i like look away (like a twat, and pretend he’s not in the room, until he comes to talk to me. Hahaha..)
He’s cocky, but a bit shy also, therefore we have these random moments of ‘eye talk’ (as Lotoya Jackson would say) and what we don’t say…says it all at times. But then we’ll just blank each other, or verbally abuse each other, have a moment of ‘almost’ (which is always good) then, both immediately cut off from the moment and go back into ‘serious,‘ like the moment never happened and will never happen. Yeah, it’s good like that! (I’m blushing, under all this fake tan.) We don’t like to emotionally expose ourselves to each other and it’s kinda our job not to. We’ll have a moment then walk away like we have things to do, people to see, midgets to kick. Yeah it’s CHAMPION.
I like it because he didn’t meet me in a social environment, like in a club or an ‘I’m Chrissie Wunna- And i’m a fucking Glamour Puss’ venue. And he met me under very normal normal circumstances. Like when i’m just in trousers, calm, laid back and well a regular old girl…with an odd, yet simply delicious amount of boobage.
Nothing has happened. We are currently new matey mates. And it’s gonna stay like that for a while methinks, as i’m certainly not going to me the ‘mover’ on this one…at all. Girls it’s important for the MAN to make the move.I don’t know why i feel all ‘little girl.’ Maybe i see him as ‘man,’ even though once again he is younger than me?? I have a young spirit…i seem to be going for toyboys all the time. ALL the time now. But saying that EVERYONE’s younger than me…i’m falling to pieces, in me old age. lol And also boys are tending to go for ‘women’ right now.
Anyway enough of that. Just needed to let it out. I’m sure i’ll get over it. I’m exhausted from my yesterday of intense worky worky. I’m so unfit. But yeah HAPPY MANCHESTER PRIDE everyone!! Got really tipsy last night and had the best night with work colleagues. I love them. The best guys ever!! I’ve never met a finer bunch! I was walking across the whole of London bridge at 1am last night with a ‘nobody knew who he was ‘chav (new best friend…that could be a show lol) and an Ashton from JLS lookalike. Who was loudly singing ‘I believe i can fly’ (Quite badly.) Hahaha…