Here Cums the Bride?

Well what a Friday! I’ve only just recovered and found that i left my laptop at work. Therefore like the loser that i am, i’ve had to trundle on into work, for a quick cuddle, blog and bit of wine. [Wink-Wiggle-spritz-here.] I’m in a cricket jumper and jeans, feeling not at chubby as usual, but i did have to tuck my fat into the top of my jeans. Anytime you need to do that, you totally know the wine was worth it. I’m having a great day! Flirty, fun, fresh. Makes a change to 2 hours ago where i was having to buy bargin knickers at Tesco’s, whilst wheeling little Ruby around, who was wedged between crisps, bangles and wine bottles in bows.

Okay, it’s wedding season and if you’re anyone of any substance, you would’ve found a friend or a mere ‘being’ to buddy up to, who’s either GETTING married or wants you to ‘Plus 1’ with them to the marriage of another. Luckily for me…a work colleague of mine Claire decided to tie the knot on Friday and well the bunch at Xercise4less (where i work my day job) were ALL fricking invited. Poor Claire. 🙂 By 4pm, i had already found myself sneaking out of the office, onto a busy street,  on an uphill stride towards a pub with a gent named ‘Matthew,’ who adorned a blue hoodie and a mild bit of ‘i think i might fancy you’ banter. 🙂 Matt’s hot…so he’s allowed to escort me to places like pubs. Vodka and lager later…(I did the vodka)…we were joined by dear friend ‘mum of 3 ‘ Lisa…and the drinking began. Holy shit, time FLEW. I have no idea where it went, but booze fast forwarded us to ‘Fuck we’re meant to be meeting everyone in 5 minutes.’ Everything got downed in a mode of mild panic. I begged Lias to join me in my wild ‘get ready’ gooes chase. (Being the Diva that I am, I had refused to join in on the work ‘Minibus to the wedding’ action. I celebrated my journey, with taxi’s, stop-offs, heels, dress and curlers in my hands…Lisa, wine and a hotel room. I’ve noticed that i know cannot function appropriately in ANY PLACE that does provide booze.

Everyone was all narky for some reason because I had stolen Lisa to ‘hotel it up’ avec moi and Matt had stolen me as the object of his desire…after lager.

We got ready, room 203…we giggled, gossip, bronzed, lashed and eyelined. Then realized we were an HOUR LATE. Lol. Therefore in a panic had a glamourous sit down, talked about boys and guzzled more wine infront of a dressng table mirror.

Flew out the door. Flew back in the door. (Lisa forgot the booze.) Jumped in a taxi and strutted in into the Claires wedding gloriously and yeah a bit late. I liked everyone already being there. It helped the simple ‘slotting in’ process without the awkwards. Everyone looked gorgeous. Everyone knew how to have a good time. I was armed with a Lipsy dress and sarcasm and well i then noticed how the other chica’s were taking quite a keen interest in my love life. Hmm? There was quite a lot of ‘OMG’dings and dance floor wedding whispers. Then Lucy made out with Lee…(unlikely moment that they both deny) and the gossiped pulled a ‘U-ey’ and focussed on that for a good 5 minutes

Drinking happened and y’see that’s the problem with all of us. We have the fun installed in us. (Well i do.) A lot of them are going through heartbreak…meaning a good old drink is more medicinal that anything. 🙂 But yeah…wedding songs, smooching, booze, booze and really bad dance moves occured. The night didn’t fly, but certainly was fun, until we all found out it was 11pm and it seemed like everyone was having a bicker around a doorway about where everyone should venture next? Lots of awkward shouty, bitchy moments of jolly old manipulation occured. Lisa, Matt and I were just eating cake.

Everyone ended up going to their next location, be it other town for a bit of McParty, home, to their ex-boyfriends unnannounced, after a drunk dial and a bash on the head, or to a hotel room for a bit of erotic nookie and lovey dovey talk. I kept buying random bottles of wine and leaving them to wither away poured but not touched…for no real reason other than comfort. I called someone a ‘Meatball’ which wouldn’t actually matter if they didn’t actually look like a meatball. 🙂 I was in a really ‘only i am finding myself funny’ mode and well add tits, wine, va voom, a wiggle and sarcasm to all that and you have trouble. I loved it.

Wherever anyone ended up…no matter what they did. It was either hot, hilarious, or the next stage forward into a much fresher chapter. It all involved eraly morning taxi’s home. I didn’t have to work, so i managed to wake up in a hotel room, look like shit, feel rather hazy and plonk a pair of ‘found some’ sunglasses on, after an eventful evening of ‘ooh laa.’

Matt jumped in a taxi to work at around 9am, still in his striped shirt and ego. But AMBER…oooh Amber..managed to get drunk, become obsessed with her ex-boyfriend, bang her head and wanted him to care, get A TAXI TO WAKEFIELD, only to get a TAXI to Leeds, only to not beable to get a hold of her ex and have to then ask to stop at his best friends, where she THEN lots her pants, only had £7 for a taxi to work in the morning and rolled in, after having to JUMP OUT OF A WINDOW, into the carpark, asking for money from others to pay for her ride. LOL. AND…she was crying. HAHAHAHA.

I mean, that was the first thing we talked about today and the fact that she kept trying to elbow her way into my love life, with a threesome? Lol. After a giggle, all she said was, ‘I felt soooo fricking shit, but then Matt came out and gave me £6 extra pounds, still in his going out clothes and i felt better.’

I rocked home in my party wait? In my office outfit from the day before. Flung myself into life, opened my house door and literally fell into bed.

The day was spent recouperating, until my life lit up with a little bit of Ruby (B’doobie) who had spent the day shopping with Grandma. It’s weird how immediately sober you become when you’re in ‘mummy mode.’ Oh God I adore. My little Glamour Puss is growing up right before my very eyes. Not only does she look like Pete but act like me…poor combination, yet worth it…but Rubes is now mobile…there is no my Diva. Who would’ve thought my vagina would produce something that can crawl. 🙂 

Loved my weekend. Loving today. I’m feeling excited and like all things new, are all things good.

Watch this space. Oh and keep it glitzy whilst ya at it. (Loved watching my good friend Mark Byron on the Xfactor last night. HAHAHAHA. Genius!)



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