Heavy Much

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Glamour pusses! Life has gotten hectic and not in a good way! UGH. My basic soul is happy. I’m internally filled with a warm, sunny happiness. Yet SHIT, there’s 10 feet of unnecessary stress and drama shoveled on top it. It’s almost as if,  as one thing clears, the boogie man then skips up merrily (he’s gay and in glitter heels) and throws on a bit more drama on the trifle. I’m okay, because i’m soldier strong. I’m waving the flag for woman hood and nothing can get a good kitty down. You always have two options, to fight or to surrender. Pick your battles well…and do them with a good old piece of heart. You’ll always win that way. My psychic TOLD ME that April would be a HEAVY month. Remember that I joked about having to carry it. So, i’m keeping my head down, letting life bomb blast me with drama balls, taking the punches and GLOWING with Goddess. It’s always the fighters in life that do the best. I have everything going for me and well after the storm my life usually ends up WONDERFUL. I’m ready i’m armed with a wink and have a wine at the finish line. 🙂 Roll on April. This month is going to be shite.

I don’t know why i’m being so dramatic, as a lot of people have life a great deal worse. I’m so lucky to be in work, have the opportunity to launch my own lash line, help other business ventures and with a dollop of a great family support system, great friends and the babies…i truly am the luckiest chick on the block. I’n fun. I’m classy. I’m educated…and well…loved. When i went through such drama, it made me realise how loved I was by my friends and family. But nonetheless, you’re allowed to have a panic. I’m expressive and I panic. I get anxious. So I had a big blow out the other night, when I believed that I had been cheapened and sort of used by a being that should really have me on a pedestal. It hurt me, as I pride myself on my morals. I have this big thing about feeling or being taking advantage of because it’s happened to me so many times. So, that’s how the situation felt…and when i’m hurt and i’m on fire. I’ll TELL YOU I’M HURT.  So I did. It felt good to release a bazooka of true feelings, in one giant *BLAST.* It’s so much more healthier than hiding behind locked up feelings. People who are close SHOULD be able to say good things and bad things to one another, be it at volume 1 or volume 10…at any time, place…or during any moment. If they are truly close…after the blast..they will immediately go back to normal. Relationships,. friendships and families are only every close because they can stand the test of time. That’s what makes love unconditional. A fling, a flirtation, a bit on the side, never quite hits the love mark as a rapport that can stand the ‘no matter what’ test of time.

I actually had a great conversation yesterday evening with a being that I respect and as I had a mop in my hand. (Very Cinderella.) It was uplifting to know that another being was on a similar page to me, as I’m quite often used as a scape goat for others people’s pin pointing. It’s like they just can’t take that i’m weirdly a decent person, a good mum, a hard worker, an achiever, easy on the eyes 🙂 and with a history that i can celebrate..i’ve lived life and i’m on the route to success. I hate that it winds people up and instead of cheering me on, they instead find a way to nip pick at any thing they can, in order to cause their own drama, which they always attempt to throw on me. I’m a passionate person, i’m feisty but i’m filled with love. April’s shit. But by the end of this year…all will have changed to a MASSIVE degree. I’m staying away from all things negative and doing everything that I can to make things right for the the babies and myself. I am fully focused and well…good things happen to good people. I’m confident. I’m sailing. I’m smiling dolls. Things are difficult, as juggling being a Mummy, a worker, running a business and tending to drama is not easy and i’m struggling because i’m having to do everything by myself. So, I had a big old weep, slurped a vino and got strong. I’ve turned into that chick and it’s because something hideous happened yesterday that involved baby 2, 🙁 (Don’t fret he wasn’t hurt or anything) which if I had the appropriate help, or if things were operating the way they should be, it would’ve been prevented. This juggle is not easy and it’s times like this when I would LOVE to be able to get home form work, see my babies beaming at me with laughter (which they were anyway) and have someone there who loves me and the children with every inch of their heart, who offers to protect, help and care for us permanantly, freely, without awkwardness and with strength. We deserve that. I feel like we’ve all been so let down…even the children, but i’ve kept it all together and merrily. But we deserve to be cherished, placed on a pedastal, adored, loved and cherished. My children and I are AMAZING little humans and it breaks my heart every day that things keep happening that tear the stability of my little family apart. There’s only so much cementing over, a mummy can do before more serious measures need to be put in place.

Anyway, away from that. We were talking fairytales yesterday at work and well it’s great that every one has a different version of what is perfect to them. There’s the realists view, the comedic view and the head in clouds creamy view. We talked about men, their manner and how they act and well it seemed like all men were the same. I was told a story by a man, which went like this:

‘Oh you’re Burmese? I used to date a Burmese girl, years ago. She was great. Really lovely. Worked for the gas board. Only knew her a couple months. Never spoke to her again..’

Lol.

I just looked and him and smiled. (He was a lovely, older gentleman. It was hilarious.) All I said with a giggle was…

‘..that was the worst fairy tale you could’ve ever told me. 🙂 ‘

However, then the tales were sort of redeemed by a female beauty who told me the usual tale that we hear of men cheating, men using women, or men rebelling against togetherness which set the scene for a more uplifting tale which was a tale of a boy, who wasn’t trying hard to succeed, yet was no where near his goal at the time. He wanted to marry this girl. yet her parents always depised the idea, as they thought he wasn’t good enough. She married him anyway and they are now multi millionaires and couldn’t be more in love. Not only that but he treats her like a Princess, loves her with all of his heart, buys her gifts out of love, treats her with respect, never lets her down and is always always there for her, always puts her first. She never wants for anything emotionally, physically, mentally or financially. He’s a hard core hero. The Knight. And well to begin with…everyone thought he was ‘no good’..wouldn’t amount to anything. He ended up being the greatest man ever. (I’ve heard that story lots of times. It’s actually happened to me before. Oh and I also remember the same story told by a random couple i met in a secret LA garden…a beautiful meditation garden, that had chimes ringing in the background, as it was dusk, warm and peaceful. The girl sat next to me, on the little lawn, said that in that exact same spot her husband of many years proposed to her and promised to love her forever. He had nothing and couldn’t even afford to buy a brown bagged sandwich. He told me would work hard to make her happy. She just looked at me, as the stars were slowly peeking over the LA ‘almost night’ skies and said,

‘I believed him.’

She married him and he never let her down. He grew a massive business and well..on that lawn she gave me her card…and lets just say, her husband is now the CEO of a tremendously massive, internationally known company. I sat on the spot where he proposed to his wife. The spot where he couldn’t afford a sandwich and promised to love her forever. Dreams come true. You just need a little faith, a lot of time, confidence, commitment and love. His success was powered by the love he had for his wife. That’s how all men should be. That’s what a real man does. They don’t feel sorry for themselves. They find positive solutions to build a happy solid future for the beings in their heart.

If any guy  turns around and says ‘Well a woman should do that too.’ NO. That means the guy is internally feminine and doesn’t believe in himself. He is not a REAL MAN. We as women are the givers of LIFE much. We deserve trophies for that, with a side of painkillers and to be cherished. I love any man that cherishes me. I just think men don’t know how to keep out of trouble. I mean, if you know something upsets or is going to upset someone you actually care for, love and hope to have a future with..then don’t do it. Why bother? You end up messing up everything. If there’s a place where potential fire could be caused ot you could again be hurting someone you care for…stay away from it, don’t play with it. It’s not that hard. When a woman knows that she can rely on you to do the right thing always…you will have her heart forever. I hate unreliable men. i hate men that let me down and I hate men who are too stupid to do the right thing. Any time the children and I get pushed to the bottom of the list by anyone…with me..the door closes that little bit more. We’re no-one’s second, third, or last best. Yet girls you always have to remember that as some boy is placing you last, some other guy is ready to make you his first best!

Anyway, I have a 2,30pm meeting and I feel like I haven’t had food in forever. I’m been working so hard that i’ve forgotten to fit it in. My skin is suffering..but like i said i’m internally blissful. I feel positive, lucky and well..life is good.

Heavy April. Whatever. 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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