Well i’ve made it. I turned 30 today and i made sure that i did in purple lycra, a mini-mini dress, golden heels, fur and
‘off the shoulder’ sequins!!!! Woohoo! Don’t hate!!!! I’ve been pretending that turning 30 is actually horrid. Yet if i’m honest, it totally feels greatness! I will admit that the only rubbish thing about it is, that i sort of opened my eyes this morning, looked to my left, saw my half naked ‘handsome’ and after reading an ‘i love you’ text from my Mum, thought ‘holy shit’ i’m actually not 18 anymore! It’s the first time ever, that i’ve actually realized that i’m no longer a teenager. I actually FEEL different! I’m a real life.. grown up! (It made me go mildy queezy.) Then i found it funny, that i turned 30, whilst being sober, fat and in purple lycra- mini dressed- sequins..with a real life baby in my belly! LMAO! The first thing i did, ( and it’s what any decent person would do on their birthday) and that was check to make sure i was being appropriately adored for being a year older on both Facebook and Twitter. 🙂 Then Loverboy cuddled me, kissed me, told me a sad story about how evil his ex girlfriend treated him. (Which MADE ME CRY! lol) Followed by a happy story about how wonderful i am. Gave me my prezzie, with a bit of breakfast in bed and then made sure i realized his ‘willy’ was rubbing up against my thigh and ready for action. As soon as my first bit of nookie, being a 30 year old… was enjoyed. (I am so ACE at being a cougar.) We realized we were actually late for Birthday Sunday dinner, (after Birthday Saturday dinner…which was absolutely wonderful, thanx to my mummy) so we leapt out of bed in a rush like panic…groomed, glittered, groaned and drove our pretty selves to his parents home. ( I was getting hormonal in the car, because my eyelashes kept failing to stick on, mid-drive.) <—- I think swearing & pretending i had motion sickness took place here.
Now, i’m officially a grown up. I’ve hit my milestone and i’m happier than i thought i would be, to say i haven’t been able to have a rum, with cocktail umbrellas and fireworks. Every year i always advise people to look back at the year and see how they’ve progressed or developed as a human being. When you hit 30…you kind of have to look back over the decade and see how you’ve changed from being 20. Or what you’ve achieved in that time. I believe you only HATE turning 30, if you have failed miserably at your twenties. It’s the decade where you learn all about your lucky old self. I’m happy because i had a plan of how i wanted to do my 20’s and then i took them with a cheeky determination and a whole lot of smut…then high heeled an even BETTER version of my 20’s. One that could make any fairytale floozy quite happy with her tragical little self!
Now, we all know i haven’t done everything right. But i’ve pretty much done everything. And to me…that’s what matters. (*Closes legs.*) I began my 20’s wishing to go to Hollywood, being a little innocent, slanted eyed, girl with a dream. I went…and everything changed. I can’t even begin to name the things that i’ve managed to do, see, touch, feel, fail at and accomplish. I’ve lived, learnt, loved and licked. I’ve walked every life path imaginable and taught myself the art of happiness. My own version of it. I’ve really fallen, yet weirdly managed to pick myself up every time and with a smile. I’ve danced. Oh how i’ve danced. I’ve romanced and i’ve laughed out loud the whole way through it all. I’ve cocktailed with everyone worth cocktailing with… winked at every thing that would personally haveme and partied like no other could imagine.
I’ve been a model, an actress, become an Angeleno. I not only managed to move to LA, but i married a movie star (lol) and dated a jolly bunch of others. I’ve rubbed shoulders with what the world labels as ‘A’ listers! I’ve cried on corners with what the world labels as losers. I’ve filmed at Paramount, Warner Bros, the world. I’ve fallen in love a hundred times over. I’ve had my heart broken almost 22 times over. I’ve done everything in heels. I’ve had an utetr life of luxury. I’ve had an utter life of homelessness. I’ve tangoed with the rich and i’ve laughed helplessly with the poor. I’ve had my dreams shattered. I’ve had my dreams come true. I actually once told Leonardo Di caprio off and got felt up by matt Dillion. I’ve divorced. How how i’ve divorced. I’ve made a little name for myself. I’ve become strong. I got boobies! I’ve been called a slut, whore and a nobody. I’ve been called a genius, a lady and pure. I’ve been called the ‘TERRIFYING Plastic doll from Pontefract.’ I’ve been in fights. I’ve been arrested. I dabbled in drugs. I felt the most loved ever. I felt the most lonely at times! I BEGAN A BLOG!!! I’ve won awards. I’ve wrestled a mexican in a restuarant and i found myself over and over again …after delicious losing myself every few months.
I’ve met and drank with sooo many people and from all walks of life. Loads of you. I’ve taken risks. Big ones! I’ve lived my dream. I’ve dated pretty much everyone. I’ve been a bit slutty. I’ve turned quite nun like. I’ve been tee-total. I’ve been a party whore. I’ve cried, i’ve smiled, i’ve thought that i couldn’t make it. I’ve experimented and i’ve played it safe. I’ve been foolish. I’ve been wise. I’ve truthed and i’ve lied. I’ve made history. I’ve been in magazines. I’ve been on the telly. I’ve spent the majprity of my 20’s in Hollywood. I’ve moved to London. I’ve worked with Paris Hilton. I’ve enjoyed every single moment and more than anything (other than blogging ever day of my life) i’ve somehow managed to inspire others.
I’ve proved that dreams come true. I’ve proved that i’m human. I’ve showed off…oh how i’ve showed off. I now have my own cosmetics line (WTF) and i have a book coming out next year. I wished to be a mummy when i turned 30…and i’m pregnant! I’ve finally found the entire man of my dreams!
I can’t really blog everything else down. There’s just been too much. I’ve graduated my twenties and you’ve done it with me. I’ve loved you. You’ve been my audience. Blogging out my life has been the best part of my 20’s pretty much hands down. I’ve recorded my journey. Both good and bad. I’ve been on top of the world and right there on rock bottom. I’m HAPPY. Happier than i’ve ever been…therefore although I began my 20’s a very good girl. I travelled to my ‘mid’ ..a rather naughty vixen. I then came full circle to end with a laughter, a warm gentle spirit and happy that i re-found who i really turle am. I’m the kitty cat that really pulled herself together, after a very bumpy ride and it really does feel amazing. The reason why…because i did it MY WAY!
I have nothing more to say except, ‘Helllo 30’s, let’s see what you have in store!!‘ * Wiggle-winky*
(Thankyou to everyone for all of my birthday messages. I’m really grateful for the love. Definitely put an even bigger smile on my face. I completely adore you!)
Live your 20’s the way you’ve always wanted to! When i say that…i mean the way you’ve always wanted to, when you close your eyes and dream!!! DO NOT BE AFRAID TO BE WHO YOU ARE!!!!! Celebrate every moment. Get things wrong. But get things right and more than anything march forward and LOVE!!!! Take good advice. Ignore the bad. Be a chancer with a wink and you’ll go far! The only thing you need is heart, belief, confidence and substance! The rest just kinda happens! Enjoy! (Drink Rum)