Happy as can BE



Well, the sun certainly does have his hat on! Thank GOD Spring’s finally here, as the trickle of a rain shower and the fall of a bit of snow was starting to get right on my nipple tassels. *Hair-toss here/Wink at a stranger.*

Okay, so as you know, I’ve been ill and today of all days I’m much MUCH better. I say ‘today of all days’ simply because it’s a Monday and people usually hate Mondays. I love Mondays. For no real reason. I just enjoy words that begin with the letter ‘M.’ (Very Sesame Street of me.)  I still can’t hear out of my left ear and I have a bunged up nose. However, in comparison to what I was experiencing, I feel delicious. Hearing to the left and being able to breathe are over rated anyway. 🙂 As long as you look good whilst being deaf and snotty…you’re fine.

Saturday was THE WORST. I went shopping of course because I thought fuck it, i’m not letting this flu kill me off. This is not how ‘Wunna’ goes out. I deserve a far more glamourous death that is talked about for centuries. Shopping killed me simply because my body wasn’t at all ready for it. I needed to get out of the house and I also needed to help my mum look after Ruby. (It’s never fair to bundle your child onto the helpful hands of another. Even though at times it feels like the best idea ever. 🙂 )

The evening before I was hiding under a  stain cream blanket, in the most pain ever, aching from the top of me to the very bottom of me, I couldn’t hear out of my left hear, I couldn’t smell, I couldn’t taste, which made me not want to eat, I felt dizzy, pukey, lethargic, achy, moody, filled with a ‘not even pretend to get out of sex’ headache and i couldn’t move my body. On top of all of that…I was 8 months pregnant…AND had a 2 year old to look after..as Keiran had surrendered to the keen art of golf. When you can’t smell, hear or taste, you kinda feel pointless. It was so bad, it was hilarious. I mean anytime you find that you’re having to hide under a blanket in order to find comfort you are greatness. It was at the point where I didn’t know if life was going to get any worse. (I’m not a believer in the ‘it can only get better from here’ line. I mean, just like the art of things getting better, things can also get a whole lot worse.) Then i realized I had a dead arm from the stupid whopping cough vaccine, (which is what MADE me ill in the first place) and I knew it could only be hilarious from that point on. I was laid there, looking up at the ceiling in the most pain ever, with my darling husband telling me i’m beautiful (but only because he wanted to go play more golf) and as I died…I giggled. (Writing this blog is actually really difficult when you only have one working ear. I have no idea why? But I just can’t do it?)

Saturday, I shopped. I fell asleep by noodles but weirdly everyone kept looking at me. They either fancied me, noticed me from off the telly, or I just looked plain old stupid. I don’t know how my body got around the town of Doncaster…but it did. I even got asked out twice and felt up by an old man. Not bad for  32 yr old preggo. I’m still giving you a run for ya money. 🙂 I still got it.

Yesterday, I ventured to Meadowhall. I felt SO much better yesterday, kind of how I do today. All the aches and the pains have disappeared. I feel alive, yet like I said still with a shitty..i mean merry… sinus problem. I have a bunged up ear and nose. But it works for me.  It apparently means i’m going to be off balance everywhere I go today…so I deliberately went to the garden centre to buy pots of flowers and a few pansies, in order to look  ‘like Spring’ when I fall. For those of you who actually believe i’m kidding, don’t know me that well. I BOUGHT plants…flowery ones, in yellow, white and pink, to look like Spring.

Meadowhall was ace, but killed me yesterday. My thighs had never been so heavy. If they ever work again i will be delighted and pretty shocked. I mean, this bump is hardcore heavy. I’m surprisingly ‘all bump’ and not just a fatty. I’m sort of thin, with this great big monstrosity balancing in my belly. It’s comedy and freakish all at the same time.

My mum was actually in one of those weird spending spree moods. We shop very differently do my mother and I. I like to go everywhere, but I’m a quick shopper. I know what I want, where I need to go and without even looking or trying (i hate trying on clothes) I purchase what I need immediately then leave. My Mum on the other hand…likes to stand around well lit glass boxes for what seems like hours on end and lovingly gaze at jewellery, feel up fabrics, embrace, enjoy and absorb the experience. I must’ve stood at a fricking glass box for about 20 minutes glaring at some piece of jewellery that she couldn’t decide if she wanted or not? I was literally sprawled over the glass in pain. UGH! It was funny. All i’m gonna say is, BUY IT, if ya gonna buy it. Leave it, if you’re not. It takes 5 minutes. I’m not even 1% indecisive whatsoever. I know what I want straight away, even before it happens and when people think i’m being indecisive, i’m actually not. I’m simply being polite because i’m secretly already decided yet either do not want them to know my decision or I know they won’t like my decision. 🙂

God bless my mum because she is lovely and my entire life line. I love her so much. Plus, she never gets time to herself to absorb, enjoy and shop, as she’s always having to do things for others, or she’s always having to look after someone else. She’ll never go anywhere without purchasing something for someone else. I mean she bought Keiran long johns the other day and some laptop disc that he needed, simply because she thought about him whilst he was at work. Not to mention everything she accidentally bundled in for Ruby, whilst running around for Dad. It’s crazy! So, i’ll let her off. She can do her joyful gazing. I’ll just sit down next time and not wear wedgie knee high boots because HOLY SHIT my legs, body and thighs KILLED from holding my bump up. Plus, I needed to pee. Not a fun combination. My body really wasn’t made for heavy lifting. It was only built for pleasure. I was dying. Yet because i had too much bronzer on my face and a flutter, flutter, in my eyes, with a smile…I looked well. My legs killed. We had also had lunch at ChaoBaby earlier, which pretty much unbalanced my strut due to over eating. I didn’t know what to do with myself, but fall into things and prop corners up in exhaustion. 🙂 Fucking wedgie boots. (I’ve just had a Strawberry Muller Rice because I thought it would un-pop my left ear. I enjoy my logic.)

Last night Keiran was filled with complete and utter adoration for me. He’s super impressed with me right now and I have no idea why? He reckons it’s because he’s working so much, so he doesn’t get to spend every second of his day with me, meaning he misses me. (His way of telling me he now appreciates me.) He flaunted me with wordy compliments, hugs, cuddles and kisses. Told me how beautiful I was, how much he loved me, how much he loved me being his wife and how wonderful a wife I was being! I mean jeepers. Look at ME. I deserve trophies AND i haven’t even put out in ages. 🙂 This is ace.

I’m not sure what’s wrong with me right now but i’m being very busy, very ‘lets clean the house,’ scrub the floors, cook dinner, glam up, rush around and be busy. I’ve been ill, yet before that I was ON IT. Now i’m sort of back on it, with the nursery runs, washing up and shopping. I had it calculated that I actually spend £600 a month on feeding Keiran alone and that doesn’t include take outs or going out to dinners, as we never have time for that anymore. Crazy isn’t it. You don’t  realize how much dollar is leaving your purse. This is why I need to be a ten millionaire. My family couldn’t live comfortably on any less of a wage. Lol. You think i’m joking, but i’m not. I spend shit loads a month without even knowing. But whatever, i’m happy because it’s part of being a Mummy and a wife. You’ve got to keep ya family stable, so that you can one day prosper in the manner you wish to.  I’m looking forward to going back to work. I despise the lazy who sit at home and do nothing without any ambition hoping someone will one day look after them, as they peek under any cushion they can find for an excuse as to why they can’t get up and go to work, whilst others pay for them to sit at home and do bollocks all. Then they get jealous when the people that do work hard do better than them and wallow in riches. WELL, maybe if they put their back into life a little bit, they too would be rewarded. It’s too wacky a concept. When I was in LA, everyone seemed to work really hard. Everyone was young and  filled with ambition, fight and determination,. They not only had a dream, but hustled their way through everyday life in order to achieve their dream and they did. Over here…I know a lot of people who do work really hard, but a whole shed load of people who have nothing, have zero goals, want everything, but do nothing. It’s not how life works. AND they’re fricking young! Preach over.

Anyway. 🙂 This morning, after the nursery run and a chitter chatter with those who look after my Baby Ruby. (I’m highly impressed with them because they turned my 2 year old into a genius.) I ventured to the grocery store to buy Keiran’s after work dinner, household cleaning products and God knows what else. You know you’re a mum when you choose to buy Surf washing powder over wine. It’s annoying, but happens. I’ve got really into all this cleaning malarky and only because i think i’m subconsciously nervous about the big old bump arrival. It’s going to be REALLY soon. My bump has dropped. It’s ready to bloom and in a couple weeks, i could be legs in stirrup, pulling ‘ouchy’ faces at Doctors, as I give life. Jesus help me.

You have no control over when it happens, so it’ll be funny to wee myself in public. Last time is wasn’t that dramatic so i’m determined to make it super dramatic this time. When my waters broke with Rubes, I then went to a restaurant and gobbled up pasta because I was starving. This time, I want circus dramatic and I DON’T want to have my baby in the forest. I’ve newly decided that and simply because if I need anyone…I need my mum. I mean, I love nature, yet not enough to sprawl upon it and give birth under a fucking tree. Give me hospitals, drugs AND my Doctor Mother. (God, I so need a tan in preparation, as you just never know why the big ‘pop’ will happen.)

I’ve cleaned almost everything up, i’ve put the washing on the line. I’ve spritzed. I’ve bought flowers. I’ve been so weirdly organized and well we now have really great broadband, food in the fridge and well a life. It’s bizarre. AND i’ve been nice. Not one bit hormonal. No wonder Keiran’s happy. I’ve even done all thos elittle jobs that you never get around to doing, like get the links taken out of my Michael Kors watch that the hubby bought me for my birthday. It finally fits because I finally took it to the watch hospital to make it fit. It has the words, ‘To my beautiful wife…love Keiran’ engraved on the inside of it. I adore it and especially now that it fits. Yipppeee!

Right now in life, although i have a stuffy nose and can’t hear, I feel really together, really solid and really happy. Pete dropped Ruby off yesterday and was really lovely to Keiran and I. It was nice because none of us have that hideous rapport that can destroy the welfare of a child, when all that matters is the welfare of Baby Ruby. He didn’t fully know if I was pregnant or not and did not feel it was polite to ask if I was, incase I wasn’t. (I like good manners.) Anyhow, yesterday he called over to do the drop off and congratulated us on the upcoming baby and asked us when it was due, if it was a boy or a girl and stated how lovely it would be for Ruby to have a baby brother. It was sweet and I appreciate him for saying all that stuff. It shows strength and a good nature. Keiran was lovely too and we all sort of got along nicely….as Ruby realized that Grandma had bought her a Disney hoover and was wheeling it around us like a maniac.

I guess things are perfect in life right now. The men are being men. I’m happy. I’m about to give birth. Ruby is smart and filled with utter love. She grabbed my face and kissed me yesterday, then said, ‘I LOVE YOU MUMMY.’ Awww…

After the baby comes work, work, work. PLUS, we both have stuff about to appear on your telly boxes shortly…so all around it’s brilliant.

Life is good and well…can always get even better. 🙂

(Sorry if this blog is shit. I really can’t hear and it makes me not be able to type. Anyway, I need to shower and tan. Oh the joys of Glamour pussing. 🙂 )













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