‘H’ is for History

Last night we were on the phone. Yeah…Pete. Like I said, he’s going through this bizarre stage of denial, where he needs to pretend i haven’t moved out and left him, in order to function. I’m still single. He’s definitely hurting. We’re still absolutely NOT together and for the first time in exactly 6 days, he’s beginning to realize that the ‘side’ he took, was maybe the wrong side. ‘Just because they’re you’re family Pete. It doesn’t mean that they’re right. Your sister’s a complete bitch and well the fact that she doesn’t actually KNOW what she’s meant to be sorry for, is not only selfish, but sick.’

Like I said, for the very first time and when he found himself alone in his appartment at three minutes past midnight, having lost everything he ever cared about. He realized how wrong he had been. (‘Chrissie you’re the love of my life and i’m sorry for what they’ve done to you. I felt pressured into taking her side.’)

Now, even though he’s realized that he’s been foolish. The dawning of realization isn’t enough. It takes people a lot of time to learn a lesson and well he needs to feel loss before he can emotionally grow. I just don’t want to be with him and simply because he let his sister get to him enough, to the point where he found himself having to sacrifice something he truely cares for, without wanting to. All he kept  saying was that he felt pressure to take her side. But tough. He has to learn the hard way and ah well…that’s life. It just goes to show how selfish she is and in The Wunna family, that’s not love. (Pete finally agreed and i noticed how little he knows about what real love is.)

He begged me to be with him again. I stuck by my guns and said ‘no.’ I’m not a push-over. If i’ve been toyed with, then my love will now not volunteer it’s way back. I feel betrayed by him, therefore i told him why I was angry.

‘Pete, i’m mad because your sister doesn’t even know what she has to be sorry for. I mean, she barked her way in and pretty much over nothing, destroyed an entire family. Ruby’s stability has now been affected. I’ve lost the man that I loved and the person who’s actually lost the most is YOU. We’re a 9 week old family and not ONCE has she taken into consideration that i’ve pretty much just had a baby and going through a lot emotionally. Instead and because she’s a massively selfish bitch, hammers away at Me, demanding that I talk to her. Why would anyone want to talk to someone who’s destroyed their new family!! 9 frickin’ weeks ago, i was on a hospital bed having OUR baby Pete. You don’t talk to someone who’s just had a baby, in the manner that she chose. Yet she thinks she has the right to waltz in, ruin everything without a care in the world and waltz back out again, not knowing what she should be apologizing for!! How about for destroying a happy family and  causing 3 separate people (one of them only 9 weeks old) deep rooted pain. I’ll never forgive her and what makes me laugh about all of this, is that you ALL without even realizing proved that what I said about your family RIGHT! Your Mother has ‘back patted’ your sister for achieving nothing but pain in others. If my mum knew that i had ever ripped a new family apart over nothing, she’d kill me. Therefore just realize right now, that whilst ya sister parties in London, drinks wine with her gay roomates all laughy and giggly, without a single thought of YOU even on her mind. You’re alone, in the dark, at 12.03, in your appartment, after having lost everything. Who loses the most out of this…you…and you only have yourself to blame.’

It dawned on him how silly he had been and well I weirdly don’t feel bad at all. They’ve burnt their bridge with me completely. I have the upper hand and i’m happy. I don’t have to beg anyone to love me and because I never did anything wrong. Work has been wonderful. Right now i have my baby girl, a *winking* by my side. I’ve been inundated with messages of support from all over the world and I totally wore peach today, whilst trying to resist cookies and being told to ‘make a map?’

One of my exes from my Hollywood days messaged me last night telling me had just arrived in Kensington. He’s the boy we’ve all once dated, who we don’t treat as well as we should’ve. The nice boy that always did you right, yet due to Malibu, glitter, high heels and  riding a tinsel town wave of ‘party girl-pussycat’ popularity, you kinda take their love for granted and because you were 20 something and foolish. He’s the guy that stopped me, as i crossed the road from his West Hollywood appartment and into the quiet streets, with a loving *shout.* A *shout* that made me peek over my shoulder, as he said ‘One day Christina, i’m gonna ask you to marry me.’ I remember little girl giggling and tottering away with an innocent smile in my eyes.

Anyway, yeah…he’s currently in London and i enjoy the feeling of knowing that a little piece of my ‘Hollywood’…my history.. is not too far away. It’s bizarrely kinda comforting. (Oh shit, i’ve just looked at my clock and realized that I left work an hour early. LOL. Oopsie!)

I’m 30 now and i guess time did fly. Yet, not only do i have my story and my ‘lust for glittery adventure’ still in tack. Thank God, coz i’ve merrily tight-roped’ rock bottom’ in my luscious ‘hot pinkers,’ every so often in this little thing called life. But I now have baby Ruby and i hope she’ll fly forward with my legacy and only not be a star in my little life, yet also be THE star of her own!!  I’m excited for what happens next… Let’s keep it rolling….

My best message of the day:

One Response to “Turning it around Dolls”

  1. Rebecca Rotunno says:

    This is one of my favorite blog posts of yours yet! It shows both strength, truth, and a little bit of glam.

    I love how you know what you want, but are staying strong and holding out until you know the right time that you can have it. For the past three years, you’ve been SUCH an inspiration to me. But yeah, keep up the lovely blogs, and continue to stay strong. You’ve shown me a whole new side of respect resulting from your recent complications and how you’ve chosen to handle them. It’s making me bare a bit more teeth in my relationships, that’s for sure.’

Thankyou sooo much. You truely are quite wonderful! x

1 thought on “‘H’ is for History”

  1. I hope for the sake of your daughter that things work out with Pete – not necessarily the two of you getting back together, but at a minimum, the two of you working out being able to co-parent your daughter.

    Reply

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