I know! I know! It’s been ages. Don’t take my tassles off me. The kids have been off school for the last 3 weeks…and they are still. SO I kinda chose to hit ‘pause’ and just make their holidays magical, right?
More than anything, I want to be a success. I really want that. More than anything, I kinda already feel like a successful human being. (So i’m cool with that.) Yet more MORE, MORE than that, I want to make sure Ruby and Junior are filled with great childhood memories, confidence, independence and love. I mean, I don’t want to raise dodgy adults. I want them to glow with utter self love and belief.
At 38, I know the value of everything in my life. I’m not a lost 20 something anymore. I’m at my most stable. I’m at my most ‘together.’ But don’t snooze. I’m certainly not ‘vanilla’ with it. I’m fun. I’m definitely someone who will flood my kitty body in Pina Coladas, over reading a good book, before knitting a beige cardy…ANY day. Making memories with The Wunna Babies, came above anything else on my ‘To Do’ list. I’m all grown up. It feels good. (If anything i’ve been working on THEIR Insta. I can’t for the life of me get them over five hundred and something followers. Lol. PLEASE GO FOLLOW THEM!!! @rubyandjunior. Ruby’s nagging at me every day.)
So yeah, a blog hasn’t gone out in ages. I haven’t updated all the sites that I needed to update for work. I still won work. Lost work. Got infront of work. Got behind on work. I’ve attended lots and travelled lots. Yet at the same had to postpone quite a bit or put things on a delay. But juggling babies and work isn’t easy! I always know I can make a paycheck back. So i’m not worried. Adoring them always, is something that is far more important. I know i’ll have my time…in the end. Surely? Hopefully? Haha. FFS.
I have a million blogs to write. A gazillion things to influence. I’m late on everything. I have a ton of snazzy bits of work approaching, that I’m so so excited about. I’m auditioning, (I’ve got everything crossed.) I’m shooting, (no clothes for me.) I’m filming bits…But until Ruby & Junior are back at school…this glammy little lone parent needs to pull back the reins, before good solid ‘dollar dollar’ can be made.
I’m not a worrier…anymore. So i’m pretty confident that it’ll all be dandy.
Living my life NOT easy…That’s why I begrudge dudes who leave shitty comments online saying ‘Get a job you slut…’ blah, blah, blah….(I have one and I probably 1/Make more than you & 2/I’m actually doing something that I love. Are you? 😉 )
But anyway, I kinda had to juggle things around to make it easier on me, rather than *MOAN* about the stress. Lots of people really moan about stuff, don’t they? Yet, they often don’t DO anything about their problem?
I never understand that. I’m a doer not a chatter. I chat…yeah. But I usually chat, after my mind and heart has already sold itself to the change. I never do ANYTHING that I don’t want to do. I never ‘just make do’ with stuff, situations or people, if it doesn’t make me happy. (I’m as stubborn as they come, yet I do it so charmingly…with a smile…and tits? Haha.)
If you don’t like something in your life. Change it. Simple. As soon as you DON’T make the changes, everything around you has taken CHARGE of your actual existence and you’ve forgotten that YOU have the POWER to make anything happen in YOUR LIFE. You’ve given the power away. Makes your heart unhappy. In order to smash success, an internal happiness has got to be firmly rooted.
Don’t listen to what people say or think about you. Celebrate life….Celebrate the years you have left. Lots of people leave it to the last minute. They wait until they hear a deadline. Like ‘You only have 3 weeks to live.’ Or ‘My wife’s left me…I’m now going to do everything i’ve always wanted to do and start a bucket list.’ Or ‘I never dared do it, because I was scared of what everyone would think.’ Or, ‘I’m sixty now, I want to live./I’ve worked a shit job all my life/I never left myself fall in love./I never embraced my sexuality./I’ve lived a lie.’
All of that shit.
Anything you do IS GREAT…even if it’s last minute and on a deadline. It’s still wonderful. You’re wonderful. But wouldn’t it be good to just choose ‘being happy’ all the time and just naturally. Y’know to just have ‘choosing to be happy’ as a natural, normal, everyday habit…Then you don’t have to dash in quick bits of ‘happy’ before the ‘finish line,’ because you’ve spent your life enjoying really meaningful and utterly juicy, long squeezes of happiness, aaaaallllll the way through your life.
People used to say all kinds of shit about me when I was really young. But now i’m old, it’s almost like they have this great respect for me and all that I did, loved and lived by. Haha. (I got away with it. I didn’t even have to do it sober. 😉 )
But anyway. Preach over. You get it. Be happy. Live. Then call me Oprah.
Everyone’s asking me how I am. Everything’s great. I do have some ‘behind the scenes’ drama with one of the ‘Baby Daddies.’ (You all probably know who.) He just can’t stop being a plonker to his child. But the way I see life, is that everything REALLY DOES happen for a reason. Even if you can’t quite fumble around for that reason, right away. Everything DOES become clearer eventually. (And Karma really is a bitch. The people who say that KNOW, because we’ve all done something where Karma has come back and nibbled on our pretty booties.)
Lots have fun bits have happened though. I checked into Manchester last week for the ‘Mirror Image Style’ event at ‘Impossible Manchester.’ I’d never been to Impossible before. It was great. It was really great.
I love Manchester. It’s just a fun oldcity, isn’t it? Especially when it’s sunny. Plus, I got to catch up with some great girly, old friends, who I never ever get to see that much, really.
Lissy: ‘Shit!!! It’s been almost 10 years. I love you.’ (We used to hang out after the Hilton show, years ago. She was friends with Layla. She’s been the queen of reality tv and she’s stunning. I love her.)
Marlie: ‘Hey! God yeah. So…we broke up Sam and I.’ (I love Marlie. I first met her in Leeds. She was a rep on ‘Ibiza Weekender’ and she’s always so beautiful and so much fun. Whenever I bump into her, I’m always pissed or quiet. But there’s a beauty to her, a realness and I feel like there’s both ambition and a lot of love in her soul.)
Stranger: ‘I’m sure I just saw you on First Dates.’ (Everyone said this to me, ALL night? Literally ALL night. Everyone. I must’ve taken a zillion selfies. ‘First Dates’ was a good time.)
Grace: ‘Hiya! Yeah…we met before at…It’s gin a clock. Help yaself.’ ( l love Grace. She’s sexy as hell. I first met her at Scare Kingdom at Halloween. When I walked into Aaron’s apartment, in Manchester, she was sat there with a gin, looking over her ‘Bad Bunny’ 😉 photos. She’s fun. She embraces being a woman and embraces being sexy. I love her for that. )
Daisie: ‘OMG!!! HIIII! Who are you here with!?!’ (Daisie is hilarious. She cracks me up. I loved her on ‘The Bi Life.’ She’s just ace. I spent the evening chilling with her and model Emerald. She has a really good heart does Daisie. She’s new to the industry, but deserves everything, because she’s lovely..and definitely got her boob out, by balloons.)
But most of all I got to catch up and hang with ‘da boys’ Aaron and Steve. The fellas. Right, if you don’t know. Aaron and Steve are paps. Good ones. The get all the pics, in all the press, know everybody, everything, where they are and what they’re doing. They’re good friends of mine & Our banter is ON POINT. I love them.
So I got to hang out, drink, sleep, party, chill, banter away and leave glitter everywhere for a whole afternoon and night with them…and it was amazing. They’re ace. They make me laugh. Steve had to be a getaway car at the end of the night, because someone was trying to get in the car. Both boys work SO HARD. They smash it.
Sarah, who owns Mirror Image Style (a clothing brand) has always been a dream to me. I’ve received some of the best bikini’s, dresses and allsorts from her. She even dressed me for the evening and I felt divine, I felt so goddess like.. The dress I chose was daring and I have it to post on my insta soon. She put in so much work into the night and she totally smashed it, without any drama.
The event was so glamourous. It was utterly so bouji. Every little thing had been thought of. We had a free bar, a catwalk of the new swimwear line, singers, dancers, the best goody bags alive. It was just amazing. And it was finally great to meet her.
I mean you hardly ever THESE days and because of social media, get to meet someone personally, do you! It’s not a bad thing, it’s just the way the world is headed. I choose to embrace the convenience of it. Lol. I can’t be everywhere all at once. So it helps. However, it does lessen peoples social skills and it can be quite dangerous, at times. Yet, in this moment, it made meeting someone in person an absolute treat!! And I like that. It was special. I love that personal meet ups have now become treats. Haha.
I had the best night. I was definitely the most hungover human the next morning and I definitely puked…in a kimono. Who pukes at 38!?! Why am I stupid. (I just can’t hack it anymore. Haha. How Aaron and Steve managed to get up and work at 8am, after 2 hours sleep to shoot Christine McGuiness..Paddy McGuiness’s wife is beyond me. I died, in glitter on a mattress. I got up and HAD to go back to bed, because I couldn’t sit up anymore. Aaron went to picture Faye Brookes by rubber ducks, hungover, in the blistering heat!
I’m glad it was sunny, when I finally rose from the dead, pulled myself together and got to the train station. It made everything better. I mean, nothing is worse than feeling rough, having luggage, having to take public transport and it’s chucking it down.
The weather was bliss and because i’m solar powered, that totally worked for me.
I got on the train, had to sit at a table opposite a loving young couple.
Me: ‘I’m so sorry. I know it’s really intrusive. I’m hungover. You look like you’re on a date.’
Train girl: ‘You’re eye makeup is amazing.’
Me: ‘I don’t even remember doing it.’
Girl: ‘Don’t worry, we haven’t been on a date in ages…’
Then they both had a fun quibble.
Me: ‘Sorry..I’ve come, been intrusive and then ruined your entire relationship all at once. Haha.’
Guy: ‘She’s 19 weeks pregnant. Shes hormonal. Lol.
I travelled all the way home… The next stop was Doncaster.