Girl, you better check yo’ text!

I’ve just woken up from a much needed nap. It’s 8pm and i’ve been travelling all day, feeling like a solid 4. I am partied out and really i’m feeling too old for this shit. I’ve always said i hate people who take naps, who are over the age of 3 and under the age of 6o. Yet there i was unable to function, forcing myself into submission for a good 3 hours. If you are taking a nap and you’re not 60 years old or a baby, then you are abusing your body in some merry way and that my sweeties SUCKS hairy balls!! I need to live this life the way a winking pussycat should. So running it into the ground simply isn’t gonna cut it anymore. I’m 28 years old, yet i’m wiggling around like i’m a 14 yr old slag in a push-up bra.

Okay so last night i ventured off to Movida with Samuel and Carrie. To be honest it was AMAZING, apart from the fact that Carrie tried to kill me. Oh my God, she drove Samuel and I to Movida in her burgundy Ford ‘Ka.’ Sam was sitting ‘shotgun’ and i was sort of wedged in the back, by a doggie bag, with my legs trapped under the chair infront of me, and a soft toy, that was dangling from her window hitting me in the face repeatedly. HILARIOUS!! She was so cute! We must have taken every wrong turn worth taking. We weaved through the streets of London skimming buses, running over people, driving on pavements, like viscious beasts, with a ‘tom tom,’ that had a delayed reaction to everything. It told us to ‘take the next left turn’…into four lanes of  busy ONCOMING traffic. We did! It’s was like God had finally got us all together and decided he wanted to kill us off in one merry swoop. I thought i was going to die…. It was hilarious. And what did u think Samuel and i did, when we thought our death was upon us?? We fucking TWITTERED!! (Hahahaha!)

Movida was Greatness. We loved our table as it gave us plenty of private room to spy on others, check out some of Londons finest talent and perfom choreographed dance rountines…because we’re cool like that. I learnt the ‘sweater-zip-hood’ dance. I’m now obsessed with it and will teach it to others the next time i’m trollied. I’ve always said that there are no hot boys in England. Yet for once i’ll eat my words. It was packed with nothing but Grey Goose and steamy hot boys. Girls, they’re all squashed into Movida….go snag one for the night. However they are all unfortunately wearing the same shirt…so when you have beer goggles, it could get a bit confusing.

We moved on to Vendome…which actually ended up being AMAZING. We danced on tables, winked and strangers, and whore it like bitches…the place was empty. We chatted with Calum Best, who was pouting quite sexily in his merry little corner. I met Darnell (remember from Big Brother) and almost spilt my drink down his shirt and i had a good old chin way with Rex…who was my FAVOURITE on Big Brother. I greeted him by yelling ‘OH MY GOD, IT’S FUCKING REX’ in his face. (Classic move.) He replied with a ‘I watched you on the show, with those feathers on your nipples!’ He was great company. A proper laugh. I remember Sammie telling him he was ginger and Rex demanding that he was ‘strawberry blond.’ HAHAHA! Brilliant!

Other then that, and waking up feeling like shit, the phrase of the night was  (and say it in your american black girl voice) ‘GIRL, YOU BEDDA CHECK YO’ TEXT!’ Not sure why, yet every uttered sentence was followed up with that dandy little phrase. Even if it made no sense. We’ve really moved up in the world from’ YOU FAT FUCKING WHORE!’ I’m back in Yorkshire right now and man does it feel GREAT! I’m committing to being a snuggle bunny tonight.

Chrissie Wunna

9 thoughts on “Girl, you better check yo’ text!”

  1. wernt carrie the annoying one who u hated chrissie? naps are mustard i love a nap when i have been out on the sauce. it sounds like u had fun but let me show u my mannor and u wont be wanning to go movida miss wunna u will be saying take me to the rom

    Reply
  2. is it arrrggghhh u are scared u actully might have fun with a bald chav from the mannor chrissie dont worry i will bump in to u in la then ha ha ha i wanna go there soon i love an american girl i hope u feel less tender tommora miss wunna

    Reply
  3. well it is hard everyone is u are nice to me u just mug ha ha ha i am only joking babe i love the banter and i am doing without being rude to people u should be proud of me

    Reply

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