I adore a bit of gift wrapping, yet do not seem to have the ‘gift’ of ‘Wrapping. But really who cares, it’s all in the name of Christmas Spirit. (And i do mean spirit as in Rum.) I have glitter on my face, tinsel on my eyelashes, celoptape hanging off my boob, paper shoved in places, paper should never be shoved, and all sorts of holly, ribbon and wire tangled into my fake hair. I’m sucking on a candy cane (oooh,) i’m enjoying the joys of rum and i’m watching ‘Eastenders’ under a giant pink chandelier, with the very Xmas song ‘I Lean like a Cholo’ (ahaha)..playing in the background. If you’re not familiar with the hit..it’s one of those crap catchy songs, that when rum or any form of booze has been added to Chrissie Wunna..she finds hilarious and starts doing an even more hilarious elbow dance…like she well…leans like a cholo?
I walked into the room, thinking i’ll have about 4 prezzies to wrap up and to my astonishment there were prezzies piled so tightly into a room, hundreds of them from the floor to the ceiling…jam packed. It looked like a junk room of …well Dolce and Gabana! So i plonked on my Santa hat, reapplied my lip gloss, adjusted the ‘jubblies’ and with my best hot red heels, laid out a table and started …to drink rum. Lol! Then i thought rum is never fun for a party of one…it’s actually quite Loser! Hurrah! So that’s when i hit the tunes, (to make it sound like i was in a busy club)…put on ‘Eastenders’ (to make me feel like i had other people in the room…yes i am pathetic..but i’m hot so i get away with it,) and got my ‘wrap’ on. I LOVE making things pretty. It’s fun. I’m trying to do it right now. Everything basically gets diamantes glued onto it…even people….even pets…even vaginas. I always think the better your gift is wrapped the shitter the actual present is. Y’know, like they always wrap bars of crappy rose smelling soap, like it’s going to the ‘Prom.’ Tragic! I don’t like wrapping if it’s gonna take a long time…infact i don’t like anything if it’s going to take a long time. So i just throw a bit of ‘McDazzle ‘all over it and make it look like a million dollars in 2 seconds. It’s a gift i have. I could fart rainbow coloured glitter and singing munchkins out my arse if i wanted too.
I just got off the phone drenched in glitter, to a girl who 2 days before Christmas wants to yell at me for stealing her boyfriend 3 years ago…even though the boy in question (i’ll call him ‘Slick Dick,’) was never her real life boyfriend. She just wanted him to be…i think? I was trying to act really sober…but Thank God she was in LA, as i would hate a delayed black eye for Christmas. (I’m rubbish at fighting girls…i always think that because i’m asian, in a sticky moment my body will just react appropriately and i’ll start doing crazy roundhouse kicks, and karate chops. It never does. Yet says on my acting resume that i’m trained in martial arts!) Anyway, she just needed to vent then burst into tears and tell me I could have asked. To be honest…I did. He said ‘Yes!’ (Evil!!)
I do need to get back to wrapping. I have about 30 mintues to wrap the rest of the room up. Where’s my Rum??
Chrissie Wunna x