What a day!! Mental! So, Ruby was ill. Head to toe in an allergy rash, that just seemed to be continually eroding away at her baby flesh, right in front of my very eyes.. We had to rush to the Doctors and get her treated up. It broke my heart, because she’s never ill. She’ll always just say she’s ‘fine.’ She’s one of them. I even cried.
Then I had to take Junior into school LATE because I managed to get all of my days mixed up. The rash thing through me. It caught me off guard. I received an email asking where he was because they were all expecting him. I jumped up in a panic and got him there immediately.
All sorted. All done. Everyone was happy!
Then drama decided to swing it’s knickers into Wunna Land…and well, it’s been one of those days, that you just need to ‘cancel,’ START OVER, or laugh at…because surely it can’t get any worse?
It’s 7pm and it’s only just turned out alright. There was even a moment where I just hit ‘pause,’ closed my sober as hell eyes and hoped that when I opened them… life had swirled back to magical.
It didn’t switch back to magical. It was just ‘okay.’
I’ve learnt a lot in 2020. Even before this whole Corona Virus pandemic, took the reins.
Things are changing for the better in Wunna Land. This year, all those mistakes that I ‘learnt at the time,’ yet certainly remained MAKING once in a while, y’know, whenever i lost my grounding, footing, decided to trust the wrong people, felt lonely, felt pitiful Let’s just say whenever i was foolish.
This year GREAT things are happening to me. This year is the year i grew up, the mist rose, I grew some extra balls and understood everything clearly. In fact, great things are happening to Ruby & Junior also. We all feel really lucky. It’s a really positive time. In a way I wish you could all peek into Wunna land properly, as obviously, right now it’s had to be somewhat guarded…just for a little more privacy. We’ve had all sorts happen to us.
However, being the Queen of the shindig, I’m noticing that as ‘lockdown’ is slowly easing off and life steadily dances back to some kind of normality, a small push of pressure and a wee bit of stress is smoke whirling back onto our glorious grounds.
Yet, that’s how life goes, I need to take the changes by the balls.
Work wise! I’m finally getting a lot more ‘actory’ questions in on my Insta daily Q&A. I like all the questions. Yet when they turn ‘actory,’ you know business is brewing. Things are starting to roll…Things are beginning to move.
I know it looks like all i’ve done is Tiktok, all day long. Haha. (And again, thank you for all your support. I get so much love on there.) Yet, the real story is, I’m not that silly. I’m a really focused girl. I need to stop referring to myself as a ‘girl.’ I’m a WOMAN now.
I know what matters to me. I know what I want. I’ve prioritized well and behind the scenes, i’ve personally been working really hard. I’ve been on daily zoom meetings, one to one castings. I’ve been networking. I’ve acted and practiced techniques and performed scenes every single day. I’ve been putting monologues on tape. I’ve been in discussions with Rob, who’s probably one of the best agents i’ve met so far and he gets it because he too did his time in LA. His vibe, his manner, his contact list and negotiation skills are first class. I’m falling into lucky hands.
I’ve done a lot…but behind the scenes. It’s almost been like a Rocky Balboa training sesh. I’m just someone who believes that you have to be ready, when opportunity comes a knocking. That’s with anything. If you’re not ready and I am, you’re not gonna win. You’re gonna lose the opportunity. It will go to someones else and you’ll have no-one to blame but yourself.
That’s something that doesn’t sit well with me. I can’t stand it. Can you? That ‘shouldda/couldda‘ vibe.
So, I sat down and I reflected. Saw my weaknesses. Saw my strengths. I was really honest about how good or bad I was at things. I worked hard and changed things around, every single day, until I got it right. Not just with acting. With everything!
So, as always, i’m being the ‘hero’ of my own story and i’m encouraging you to be too.
The only reason why I write my story, is simply so it inspires. If someone skims it one day…and reads something that gives them a reality check, or makes them smile…Then the diary’s done it’s job.
I’ve stopped accepting requests for promo on the blog because it started to feel ‘plastic.’ I’m not ‘plastic.’ I simply want to write a diary. Jot down my memories. Tell my story! Everyone’s story is so important. This is mine.
You’ll have noticed that during lockdown i didn’t write at all. I couldn’t blog. I wanted to, but it just never happened. I couldn’t and because it didn’t feel like me anymore. I needed the vibe to change. I wanted it to change.
I didn’t want to tell you about the latest brand of toothpaste that will make your teeth the sparkliest. I’m not a little girl anymore. Like i’ve just said, i’m a woman and god I have a story to tell.
I’m an actress. I’m a mother. I’m single and so many things inbetween. There’s gonna be times when i’m happy. There’s certainly times when i’m sad. I wanna tell you that story. My real story. My truth. Without censorship, judgement…just none of the bullshit. Y’know, just how it used to be.
There are times when i’m up and times when i’m down, but that’s what makes us all human. That’s what we have in common. It’s our life link.
So, last week, through to yesterday, i’d been auditioning a lot. I’d been working on characters. I’d been learning my lines.
To be honest since the lockdown ease up, I’ve been auditioning a lot. I feel really grateful. The sun is definitely shining on my side of the street and if i’m being honest, i’m not sure how some actors haven’t at least been on ONE audition in all that time?
Everyone’s asking me the ‘but how’ question? All i can say is, it’s a mixture of my agent, the simple fact that I worked my arse off networking, when everyone was baking brownies, cuddling up to their boyfriends, or learning Spanish (do note…they’re all great things..yet not things that would’ve helped me after lockdown) and now…long story short… my August is fully booked with work! (And everyone’s asking how?)
No-one saw all that. They just watched me grind to a tiktok trend. (Which is actually the most fun ever! 🙂 Some liked it. Some didn’t. Most did though. So it’s always a pleasure. 🙂
My Mum: ‘Well it’s good yeah. But i expect you to dance around for 15 seconds and have a million men like it, watch it and love it. They always do. Next week, when you tell me you’ve booked that feature film…you’ll see me extremely excited & proud.’
My mum’s ace!! I love her.
But going back…I’m really inspired by those who are successful. I learn from them. I don’t copy them. I listen to them because you need your own niche. If you duplicate someone, you’re just a shitter version of them. Lol.
Anyway, during this time in my life…i’m noticing how close and powered on I am, by my LA friends. It’s like we’re made of the same stuff and mainly because we understand each other’s stories. We were there, trying to muscle it out, in the toughest town for ‘muscling,’ both emotionally AND in the enteratinment industry.
I love them because they don’t sugar coat things. They tell it how it is. They’re positive, yet speak the truth. They’re not scared to.
I’ve had a week of really big auditions and if I get one of them…it’s a dream come true. Next week is my week of ‘finding out.’ Plus, I have two other auditions during that week.
I know that dreams come true. I’ve watched them come true in others and had them materialize in my own world. So i’m cool with that. I believe in that. I try to make Ruby & Junior’s dreams, no matter how big or small come true… when called upon, so they believe in dreams materializing too.
Anyway, the day before I read…I had a really successful actor/produced/director… turn around and remind me (…when I was participating in my own pity party) that was ‘LUCK’ was overrated.
‘…learn the dang lines and have fun,’ is how the convo ended.
It’s true. I wish upon stars, but let#s keep it real at the same time.
You’ve got to work so hard, that they can’t say ‘no.’ Be so prepared for anything, that you know you’ve can handle shit as soon as you walk through the door. Be real. Be kind. Have fun. SUCCEED on purpose.
Then i stopped worrying. I read the DM and smirked. It almost ignited that young me. That fire. I always have that fire, yet it needed to blaze.
I read it out to Ruby and she smirked back at me, like she got it.
(Sorry, one second. Junior’s had a full roast chicken. A giant one to himself, in his pants for tea. He now wants blackcurrant jelly. 🙂 )
So, after my pep talk, I taped my audition the following day….and i’ll always tell you when I think i’ve done shit. Nothing’s worse by the way. But IT FELT GOOD. It felt really good because I knew i’d done all that I could. No excuses.
As humans, when you know that you’ve done all that you could, you’re at peace with yourself, right? You have no regrets. You hold your head up high because no matter what, it’s now out of your hands. It’s stress free. There was not a single other thing you could’ve brought to the mix or the situation. There’s a power that comes with that feeling.
So, if you have a dream come true and I read this on @wordporn on Insta this morning…it doesn’t matter how old or young you are? How mended or broken you feel…?You can make changes and start over at any point. It’s your life. People can say what they want. They’re not in charge of your life.
All you need is the right mindset. The right love in your soul. The correct support and fucking hell, I’ve even learnt that you can do it without a wine.
Ruby’s just walked in…
‘Mum. If i say I love you right now…after a fight…will you always remember that I do and say it to me.’
‘Of course, I will baby. You look beautiful.’
‘I love you, Mama. Is there any toffee left?’
And that my darlings, is Thursday.