Fucking Nazi’s

Feeling marvellous this morning, aside from a brief moment of  insanely painful ‘toe’ stubbing’ on the kitchen door. I feel like i’m slowly taking over this jolly old world and that my work (she does a ridiculous dance of victory) has finally been (flick, pout) ‘Worth it.’ I woke up this morning to a really nice phone call. One of those that just kind of makes the rest of your day all warm and fuzzy. It seems i’m quite quick witted in the morning because i’m delirious and have no idea what i’m actually saying. It works for me, as i forget to ‘censor’ myself. I’m making a living out of being a controversial ‘twat’ and a ‘Glamour Puss’ at the same time. It’s a lethal combination. Last year i added ‘boob job’ to my resume and well…there’s just no stopping me now is there. I ended up on the telly and i did pretty fucking well! (I’m rubbish really, don’t buy this bullshit.)

I have a day of reading today and an afternoon fashion show. I’m meant to be reading my whole entire blog to find my 5 best entries for a friend of mine called ‘BAFTA.’ It’s difficult for me to concentrate for long periods of time. So i’m reading 5 blogs and taking ‘dance around in my living room’ breaks to keep me alive. I mean it was hard enough living it all, let alone having to go back and read it!! But i have Nazi’s (who don’t want to sleep with me) watching my every move, making sure i don’t dandy off into the distance with a ‘Penis’ or a ‘Malibu pineapple’. It seems i can’t be trusted.  They’re evil Nazi’s too, who are forcing me to read about my own goddam life for hours and hours until i eventually keel over and DIE!! You poor sods. I feel your pain.

I tried to invest in work last night, yet Facebook chatting (and my mother yakking on) got the better of Me. I offended everyone…and i don’t really care. If you can’t take a joke, then don’t litter yourself in my life. I’m an inappropriate feast of a comedic nuisance. Plenty of people are humoured by me, but if you’re not..well unfortunately that’s why you’re being victimized and bullied by Me. I’m good like that! Show me weakness and i’ll work on it until you cry. I’m just trying to open your mind, ‘muscle up’ your funny bone. If you don’t like it, it’s because your shit. (Great Logic there by The Wunna.) I asked a Footballer, who thinks he’s ‘too cool for school’ what he was drinking?? He stated it was a ‘Corona.’ I then go on to say, ‘You need to spice it up a little. I thought you’d be more of a tequila shots with hookers kinda guy.’ OMG! ‘Footballer’ pulls a giant strop and takes it all very very seriously…and tells me to ‘go fuck myself’ because i’m so stupid and terribly immature. I guess this would be funny if i said it to one of my ‘doesn’t really drink tequila with prostitutes’ friends. Yet it seems i may have hit a sensitive subject which this little chappy! Hahaha! I’m always putting my foot in it. People are way too sensitive. Like, that was nothing to me?? I could’ve said a LOT worse!! Lol.

I then started talking to ‘Perry’ (an avid Chrissie Wunna blog reader) about how i’m apparently ‘insane’ in a good way, how most 15 year olds are irrelevent to me, ( i mean if i can’t have sex with you, then you need not exist in my life until your next birthday) and the performance of ‘open vagina moves’ to the face -on George Sampson. It’s the trick i’m going to use to terrify him into submission. I fancy George, so i’m still getting stalked by his chick fans. I guess they want The Sampson to marry them…or something snazzy like that? I’m not sure how they haven’t realised that all you have to do (to get ANY boy) is get a boob job, spray yourself in fake tan, sit in your underwear, be on a tv show, try to be Paris Hiltons British best friend, be ‘Zoo’s’ Sexiest woman on TV, purr,  flirt on Facebook, be confident in your feminine powers and promise a future of long blowjobs and GREAT sex. (Even if you have your fingers crossed behind your back.) Piss easy! He’s MINE!!

I’m actually going to get back to working now as i am feeling AMAZING and strong. Good things are predicted for my future and i’m actually working hard this time to make sure it all doesn’t go wrong. Three fucking cheers baby! I’m still a disgrace of a human being, but honestly this floozy is finally growing up. Woo-hoo! So happy!

Chrissie Wunna

3 thoughts on “Fucking Nazi’s”

  1. Those 15 year olds aren’t gonna know whats hit them (quite literally, once our plan has been put into action!!! hahah)
    I am kinda excited by the fact I see my name on your blog. Ahh. I love it. 😉
    Have a malibu and ponapple on me too Chrissie! 😉 ahaha.

    Reply
  2. Hahaha…delicious you sexy beast!! Yeah now everyones kept going on about it, i quite fancy The Sampson now…so i thought i’d just do that move anyway. It’s a win/win for me.

    Reply

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