Are you a work horse or a show pony? (I totally stole that off ‘The City,’ but whatever, i’ll get hailed with a genius label for it. I think every great idea has blossomed from another, therefore steal away and file it under ‘inspiration.’ If you’re not learning and absorbing from those that you adore, then what are you doing? Well, hopefully you’re being Me and tediously winking & pouting at strangers for attention. Woohoo!)
I’m weirdly now in a good mood, infact a great mood, after a really dodgey moody. I got so frustrated and soo angry, due to this sudden bizarre overflow of stress, that I actually forgot to practice what i preached in the last blog (only the best kittens ‘preach’ and do the exact opposite) and instead doggy paddled in the pool of negatory! Yipppee. I felt all fed up with my day job. Had an appointment get postponed. Felt like I wasn’t living life the carefree ‘caution to the wind’ way I was used to and therefore threw a wobbly. A good one where I storm out. Luckily, when I stormed out, i found a beef sandwich, (fuck you carbs) and sight…(as in contact lenses) and i came back with a smile on my face.
I guess i’m used to this free living, glamourous kitty cat life of ‘woobie-woobie.’ I say ‘Hollywood‘ and I get there. I say ‘romance‘ and it follows me. I had the day off ‘day job’ today due to ‘other things.‘ I got questioned by my boss and well I had things to do. Nothing more, nothing less. Today i felt like I had to chose between entertainment or work. Am I a work horse or a show pony? Today was crunch day, And after a bit of a kick, scream and wobbly moment. My look emotionally picked me up and assured me that i could do it all, until I no longer had to. I just needed to breathe and be positive. (I then had beef and wine and felt better.) Getting reliable money is always a joy. Yet like everybody. I want to be a show pony. (Which i truely am, when i rely on my natural self.) Yet I don’t want to have to be a work horse to get there. :)) There’s no shame in that, so if you feel the same, don’t let people make you feel bad about it. Like I always hate it when women or ‘it’ girls have to emphasis how ‘hard’ they have to work, in order to be accepted. In my life, i want to be wonderful, delicious, have adoring fans, play and be rich. Nothing more. Nothing less. When i get to the top, you won’t hear me do the whole ‘it’s such a hard life, i’ve worked really hard to be here.’ I’m just gonna stand there in frilly knickers, a tiara and with a bottle of gin and shout ‘I’m a FUCKING show pony!’ :)
Anyway life was horrific this morning. Yet my Mum, Ruby and Peter were just lovely. Rubes is slowly understanding what it is to be a baby Glamour Puss. (Even though she makes me pretend that i’m walking through an imaginary jungle for most of the time, I am with her.) My mum is the woman who spit washes the *mist* from my life, with her ancient ‘mummy wisdom.’ And well Pete and I are wonderful. We’re all flirty and lovely right now. All silly and jokey…yet madly in love. Yeah we have times when it’s like we’re toddlers in a playpen throwing toys at each other in anger. (He throws cuddly things. I throw…bricks. 🙂 ) Yet we’re learning a lot about each other and finally getting to understand the nature of our love. I mean, do remember that after only 2 months of dating, i fell pregnant. We’re still figuring each other out. I never pretend that it’s always perfect. It’s when lust turns to ‘lifetime’ that freaked us out. Yet luckily we’re gonna be just fine. (As long as he does as i say.)
Pete’s currently out on the piss. Therefore i’m left holding the baby whilst blogging, whilst on my Blackberry texting. I enjoy how he can’t seem to find money to pay for the internet, the rent, the anything. (I have paid the internet, and because dolls..i’m a blogger.) Yet like all men, he can find money for booze? Hmm…? I can’t blame him really. I was like that in my Hollywood 20’s. If it was a toss up between rent or a piss up, the landlord was pretty much fucked. Finally I figured out the art of ‘Hollywood’ dating. (Which was just look hot.) And well…piss ups were then for free! 🙂 The landlord loved me during that time. (OMG who is seriously *brumming* their motorbike outside my window endlessly, when i’m trying to put my bambino to sleep!!!! I’m getting mad!! But learning the art of ZEN!)
Okay, life was all glum because i truely didn’t think that i could handle having a full-time day job and a life in entertainment in one. I felt like my book had been getting neglected because of work and well my Lit. Agent isn’t too happy. My book is what i want to do. Yet i’m now feeling like a champion and positive that I can handle it all. I just need to quit moaning and get on with it.
Anyway, i was on the toilet, actually doing a poo and Pete was in the shower, talking about his love for me and his goolies. (‘Eww whatever Pete. My life isn’t dedicated to turning you on!/Yeah I know Chrissie, and that’s where you’re going wrong!’) …then he got into the shower, by placing two hands over his willy, in some weird ‘jazz hand’ formation. I think he was trying to pretend that it was really long? I called it a chipolate and we both giggled. Then came the phonecall.
I’m on the loo..doing a poo, my phone rings. I miss it the first time and it rings again. Then when i answer and hear a ‘Is this Chrissie?’ I get the shock of my life. I don’t think i can tell you who called, but it’s AMAZING enough for me to *leap* off the loo, mid-business, gallop to find a pen, with my knickers down my my ankles, whilst shouting, ‘OMG NO WAY!’
All i can say to you is that ‘they‘ liked me and it is showbizzy work related! Therefore i guess, i’m soo good with life right now that when i give up and commit to being a tragic ‘let down.’ It now fucks with me by making my dreams come true. I immediately, told Pete, then immediately told Wazza.
Really believe that things are going to be okay and they will be. I have every opportunity right now to make my life just a marvel..and in my mind it already is and has been. All i have and i say it over and over again, is this really lovingly, sick, yet glitter sprinkled belief that I have something wonderful in store for me.
From now on, i’m gonna give my book my 100% attention!