Morning all. I’ve had the worst morning EVER! I’ve done nothing but argue from about 8am-1pm, with a boy who is now driving me mentally insane. Okay, ‘Lashes’ started off being a sweetheart of a dandy, all sweetness and light, calm and collected etc etc…But oh my god, you do NOT want to argue with this boy. He has pissed me off so entirely much, all night and all morning, with his insecure ‘you don’t really love me’ drama, and the ‘i’m always right& ur dumb’ mentality, that we hit a point where i not only wanted to kill him, but politely told him, ‘You are pushing me away and making me not want to date you.’ Then quite foolishly he decided to test my courage. My fucking COURAGE!! I’m Chrissie Wunna…i have balls bigger than Amsterdam.
Anyway he therefore says,’If you don’t want to date me, then at least have the balls, to say it.’ (Then sort of does a sniggery laugh…predicting that i would do the hesitant ‘ermm…but no…i.’) How dare he test my guts, my balls, my ‘ooh laa.’ I immediately stopped, looked him in the eye and said, ‘I DON’T WANT TO DATE YOU.’ And yeah i feel bad about what i said, but that’s guilt not love. Then i made him leave and just like that…he was on the No.29 bus and it was over. He did try and heal it all lovingly, but i put my sunglasses on and ignored him, which was kinda childish. (Hahaha…especially because i was clutching a bear, with ‘special friend’ sewn into it. )
He sadly turned into every other boy for a moment that shot me back in time. A boy that although more reliable than most, made me jump through hoops to prove my love. (They all do it.) He’s guarded with his emotions (whereas i’m highly open and expressive) and instead of throwing caution to the wind, and having a wave of ‘feeling,’ he will mentally find some logical answer to everything…which i find boring. We are two different people. I believe there sometimes is NOT a logical answer to everything and he will fight me on that, to the end. God live a little!!b Bottom line, i don’t wanna wake up pissed off. It doesn’t work for me. I’m so sick and over boys testing me right now. Find your balls, love hard and brave up a little. Men i date always try to control me and if they can’t, they then try to belittle me. I’m one of the greatest women you’ll ever meet and it fucking scares them. I need to meet my match. And ‘Lashes’ was all’ When two people fight it’s often because they love each other so much.’ And yeah, yeah i get that…but we’re not in love, therefore, we are fighting because we’re INCOMPATIBLE!!!!
Anyway, i have to tan and get ready. I’m gonna be at Freedom Bar in soho this evening, presenting live music acts, with a boy. I’m sad that it’s raining outside, coz it means no-one can ever be arsed to venture out. But hopefully, i’ll see you there. Great acts, lovely place, and well i’m gonna be there…drunk. You might aswell join me. Doors open at 7pm. But i’ll be around the area doing all the gay happy hours by 5. Woohoo!