As soon as my eyes opened this morning at 9am, within a 5 second count down my pink blackberry started going insane!! It was ringing, swearing, bleeping at me, vibrating, BBMing and basically about to explode. Not sure how everybody knew when my eyes where going to open?? But well done you!! I BBMed Samuel who was wasted in LA on his way back from a gay night out and thinking i was there. I flirted with a boy in Spain ( i think i was telling him i was in love with him or something?? Evil! Hahah.) And i just ignored everyone else…as this whole having to communicate with people all the time is quite tiring. Especially since i was up til 1am talking to 15 year old girls, who still fancy George Sampson. I actually exhausted myself and went back to sleep only to wake up at 12 noon. I FEEL AMAZING!!! There’s me trying to puzzle through my life all dildos and thumbs…when all i needed was 40 winks.
All my work today is in the form of reading, so it means i can wake up late, stay in my pyjamas all day, without an army of people fussing around me, pulling my hair, glossing my lips, glueing my eyelashes, powdering my nose, spraying me in oil, spraying me in tan and plonking me infront of a screen where i am to pout, take my top off and think of England to a clutchety click of a ‘snap,’ whilst people feed me food through straws and interview me about my taste in men, Paris Hilton and where i hope to be in the future. Not sure what job i can have where you get to sleep in until noon, stay in your pyjamas and still get paid?? Well apart from ‘Chav,’ or ‘Girlfriend of Hugh Hefner.’ But i think i need to sign myself up!! I’d get bored too easily? I’m too much of an exhibitionist, a show off, an attention whore…to stand for such nonsense. The only job i want is ‘Stardom’ and ‘To be Wonderful.’ I’ll get there eventually. I just need to keep tricking you, into helping me.
I feel quite powerful today! I think it’s because i have PMT! It actually makes me sexier, because one minute i’m a useless drip of a human being, (in the frilliest of skirts, licking on any rainbow coloured lollipop) and the next minute i’m all hormonally imbalanced parading around in diamonds, being an egostiscal cock of a cunt because i think everybodies out to get me. Infact, i’ve already been called a ‘Cock’ this morning. Boys really fancy me the week before i’m on the blob. It gets their juices flowing, because i’m like a evily cute Power Puff doll, who hates everything and wants to destroy the world a wink at a time, with her legs in the air. I’m dangerous. However, if i go into an audition in this unfortunate state of being…as soon as i walk through the door, they just politely stop, turn me around and let me go home. I’m still winking and screeching out my lines. But they’re calling ‘Biff’ and ‘Boff’ the Heavies to drag me out of there mid- (Prepare you voice of Chlamydia) ‘Hi my name is Chrissie Wunna…I’m..’
Last night i had a footballer try to woo me by sending me a video link of him parking his very expensive car, getting out of his very expensive car and placing on his very expensive jacket, then winking. Haha! I didn’t quite go too weak at the knees at this flurry of romance. But i hope that one day i can prey on young men with such panache. It’s AMAZING!! I think i’ll just go for video of link, of ‘used up saggy ageing sex symbol, (ME) leaping naked in a shower of $50 bills’ finished off with a point and a wink to camera. (I do actually fancy a bit now. It fucking worked! Hah!)
Anyway, i am meant to be working right now, and reading my whole entire blog to find the five best entries. So i’ll have to give you the middle finger for a wee bit whilst i knuckle down and…well flirt with more boys.