My ears have just absorbed some nonsense from a ‘darling’ who is desparately seeking to prove to me, that she’s a ‘Lioness’ or a ‘Tiger,’ after i accused her of always letting people McTread all over her pretty self. I like it when people fail to prove themselves to me, as it makes me feel powerful!!! Then i eat their souls or something??? Anyway, the fact that she said ‘Lioness’ in the most ‘Kitten’ voice, still means she could only win a tickle fight. (I shake my head in disappointment.) Butch up Betty!! However, i have and only moments ago decided that a ‘Chrissie Wunna’ doll, should definitely be made, and by a push of a baby pink button, will (in the most monotone, ‘like it’s running out of batteries’ voice) say things like, ‘Please do Fuck off!’ / Finger me now!’/ Don’t be so ridiculous!’/ ‘Ooh La (then completely run out of batteries…) L~*^%$AAaaaaaa…………,’ leaving the poor 11 year old in tears, and needing a Martini. Budge up ‘Barbie’, there’s a new whore in town!
Anyway at 6.23pm today, i was on Ward 2 (visiting daddy) amongst my darling ‘blokes who had strokes,’ and somehow destroyed their peaceful hospital haven by accicently getting them eaten alive by man-eating wasps, whilst Tom Jones’ ‘Sex Bomb’ song was playing in the background!! Hilariously inappropriate!! My dads doing better and better yet unfortunatley looks like a ‘PUFF’ as i’ve managed to place at least 17 pink flower arrangements around his hospital bed glory, which so happens to attract man-eating wasps! 17 of them at one time!! I’ve noticed that men who have just had strokes are terrified of WASPS or pretty much anything that gets their heart rate racing, (as ofcourse, the last time that happened they collapsed and almost DIED)…so yeah this wasn’t good. I thought i’d be all heroic and stallion, by quite bravely telling them ‘not to worry,’ as believe it or not, i’m not remotely scared of flying ‘creepy crawlies,’ until TODAY!! I grabbed a nearby ‘News of the World,’ rolled it up, to perform a sexy direct squat, then realised there were 16 more flying around me, OH MY GOD!! It kind of went down hill from there really… There was me, and 3 sick 60 year old men, trapped inside a very hot 3 bedded hospital room, with 17 giant WASPS zooming around & eating each man ALIVE!! There was frantic folly, screams and shouts, panic, fluster, and total utter utterness!! I was running around in circles bravely screeching, with my massive boobs, and over styled hair. The old sick men, who can’t move their left sides, were literally passing out and yelling for mercy. Everyone was fighting for their life, and all sorts of things were being thrown into the air, OH MY GOD!!! They were like mutant flying beasts, with big googley eyes. Buzzers where being buzzed, nurses were being called, then finally little Derek, (one of my new 60 year old best friends), feared for his life sooooo terribly much, that he handed me his 5 prong zimmer frame, in tears and sacrifices his ONLY FORM of stability, so i could frantically wave it in the air aimlessly and try and kill wasps…to ‘Sex Bomb.’ So i’m there waving my 5 prong zimmer, with Tom Jones singing, ‘Sex Bomb, Sex Bomb, you’re my sex bomb….’ and the boys are screaming the Lords prayer, out loud..whilst being repeatedly stung by flying beasts. Anyway, the whole ward ends up getting evacuated because of my flowery Tom Foolery….unfortunately it was to ‘Oops up side your head!’ You can’t win’em all.