Excess Rocks

‘You’re deliberately getting your bum out!’ Proclaimed the little darling Glamour Puss to her Hero of ‘Handsome-hubba-hubba.’

‘No, i’m not. I’m just hiding my [does face that suggests ‘willy’] from the neighbours.’

‘What? The million miles away neighbours? Omg! You’re actually doing it all in the full length mirror!’

..and there he was my delicious bit of ‘other half’ in nothing but a kitten. Freshly showered. Freshly made and dropping his damp white towel. NOT…in a mighty attempt to impress Me either. *Disappointed face.* Yet simply so he could worship his own pet willy in the hallway mirror. It growled and everything…he claims. When really i’d be more impressed if it squeeked and poured me a wine. I’m rubbing off on him, as surely that is pure Wunna behaviour. I’m telling ya, i create monsters and well no-one quite pulls ‘monster’ off as bouji as Mz.Wunna herself.

I’ve worked all day at the gym, and been mildy bored. Not because I dislike the job, as i adore it. I’ve fooled them into believing i’m worth paying for. 🙂 Yet because I was all on my own for about 7 hours upstairs in an office. The rest of the world was downstairs, in lycra and bending about with muscles to Ibiza dance tunes. Aren’t I the life and soul of every party? Maybe now i’m so Greatness, that the party happens underneath me? Anyway, long but lovely day…worked my inner pussycat. Lived my day via the fine art of a Oscar Wilde quotes, dreamt of stardom, skimmed through pictures of Baby Ruby and then redid my lippy (in my Blackberry screen mirror) to the merry thoughts that litter my mind. I’m headed to wonderful things and i have no idea how i’ve been so blessed. But i’m going with it, and simply because I have the correct footwear. *Throws away your pumps-slips into hot pink heels.*

I’m having a wine, playing with my daughter and have just got back from Tesco’s. I was meant to grab a quick weekly shop, but we all know i’m not to be trusted. I flounced around the place with my boobies by cold meat with a basket of my much needed life essentials. I ended up at the self checkout..a machine that used to scare me when i was a drunk. All i managed to file under my weekly ‘essential’ was ONE bag of iceberg lettuce and a bottle of discount (get this) ‘Prince William’ Champagne!! It’s moments like this that make me adore being ‘Chrissie Wunna.’ I swear of i could watch me from afar i’d totally be in love. Pete didn’t even look at me with a face of disppointment. I mean now that i’ve rubbed off on him he only likes luxury and all things flashy and thank fuck for that! I mean, i don’t think i could’ve gone on with all ‘we should get that house coz it’s cheap’ shit! I’m a girl who adores excess in moderation! I’m not one who waves the flag for the whole ‘less is more’ theory of dullsville. Give me life, big diamonds, flashy cars and a wiggle. If you intend to live your life always worrying about the scrimping and scraping, then you’ll always be going backwards. (However, I will tell you that now i don’t have too many financial worries, i can ramble on about a big flashy splurge. Yet I was once so ‘why am i counting pocket change’ that all i could only afford to eat was pre-packed ham and that was in HOLLYWOOD.) I fricking spazzed all ony money of fucking flashy bullshit and lipgloss. 🙂

Okay, so since my life has picked up speed and has got all exciting, etc…{Do jazz hands.} I thought i’d talk about Vices. Now, in my mind EVERYONE has a vice, whether you want to have one or not. It’s that little thing that gets you through the day. Be it a wine, a sweaty line, some merry recorder playing, quest for fame, food or love. Anything. That little crutch that makes you feel the world is a better place.

I have a lot going on right now, to the point where i hit *panic button* as I felt the Dear Lord dump a pile load of last minute pressure upon me, in order to see how well I’d handle it. My Mum always tells me that when something amazing is about to happen to you…a gzillion obstacles are thundered into your path, to see how hard you fight it and to see how much you want it. I was all lost, crazy and in eyelashes, spinning around endlessly wanting for the big cartoon piano to just fall on my head and kill me.

My vice through this time was a wine. A wine and a bit a night. And if i didn’t get it…i would turn shouty! The funny thing was that I realized it actually wasn’t the wine that was aiding me to happiness, yet it was my blog. Yeah…this little old thing! When i didn’t have working internet…i commited to being absolutely loopy..and ofcourse comedically ‘shouty.’ It’s my therapy and a way for me to reach thousands of people, with a simple click of a button. I don’t even know what i’m trying to say? Yet when I was sat on the toilet today.. (Omg at work today, i accidentally sat on the toilet whilst it had the lid down, in a moment of  ‘need a wee’ desperation, I had my pants down and everything…firkcing frightened the life out of me.) I figured we will only no longer have a vice anymore when we are truely and completely happy. The only thing we all search for throughout our entire lives is happiness. Right? I’ve been pretty happy throughout my whole entire life…especially in my current phase. Yet there really must be something missing for me to need that wine, or that blog on an evening, EVERY evening? I have a marvellous family. A wonderful work life. I’m making money. I have love. I have friends..therefore i guess all it could be would be stardom? I’m confused. But what i learnt was to not bother thinking when you’re merrily sat on public toilets. It’s misleading coz you’re trapped and when you’re trapped you panic. Life is for *open space* living. The time you get to *pause* (even if it’s via ‘pee break,’) is there to let you catch your breathe. Oh and the good thing about the cartoon piano fall…is simply the fact that no matter how hard that old bitch lands, whatever is underneath it always gets back up.

God, my blogs crap tonight. But it’s because Pete (who’s like a child himself) is looking after Ruby as I blog.  I have one eye on the laptop screen and the other making  sure he’s looking after my delicious new daughter. (The heir to my throne.) I really do adore my little family of ‘ooh.’ I mean, we spent the evenings giggling and being ethnic and everything. But I will tell you that Pete is kinda annoying me right now because I asked him for half and hour…exactly 30 minutes to  beable WRITE MY BLOG. 10 minutes into it, he decides to leave baby Ruby from being fully tended to and go make his dinner, making me have to quickly scurry to her, in order to calm her and play imaginary ‘fairy ride’ ..that I do rather well! 🙂 (I love it.)

Now, It’s not even that he’s a massive attention seeker…and he really is because he’ s adopted. But It’s the fact that he doesn’t even think. I mean, i needed this time and i totally should be granted it. I’ve just had to yell at him and ban him from fun things. I’ve done the whole ‘OMG!! You can’t even give me HALF A FRICKING HOUR PETE to WRITE MY  FUCKING BLOG!!!!’ Nicely done. I’ll accept my trophy later. Men are just weird. There are times when i find Pete tedious and he’s the actual love of my life.

Now, i feel all put off and have bloggers block. He’s with Ruby and being all ‘man -diva’ where he makes a point that he is looking after her. LOL. I’m blanking him, because it’s always better when his Diva moments go unnoticed. 🙂 Now he feels like a tosser chopping garlic, in boxerswith a child in his arms. (Don’t worry, i’m about to make up with him, so he pours me more wine.)

I just can’t do this now i’m all stressed…I’m back to the flippin’ ‘circus.’ UGH!!! Anyhow, Like the martini…the success of ChrissieWunna.Com is in the character of the people who read it. *Glitter explosion here*. I love you and thank you all for it. Winks x

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