I woke up at 3.33am this morning. I didn’t feel stressed or anything. (Well maybe a little. I’d be lying if I said that things weren’t on my mind. Obviously!! I mean, if Wunna Land is meant to be a ‘piece of cake,’ I totally get why I’m on a diet!!)
It was like my eyes were done sleeping…so they just opened. I looked at my phone and again it was 3.33am. (This has happened a lot now.) Enough to look up what ‘seeing the number 333 all the time’ actually means… (I’ve written a blog about seeing 333 before…)
It actually means a lot of things. That was simply one little section. However, everything it DOES mean…thank fully….is positive. (I’m spiritual like that. I still wish upon shooting stars & try not to walk under ladders. Haha.)
Junior ran out of school yesterday as happy as could be and I just felt delighted. It was like an entire mist of confusion had been lifted from him for a moment and he was free, without a worry in the world.
With everything he’s going through, right now….it was good to see him happy! The stress he’s been through is too much for a 6 year old. Yet seeing him filled with giddiness after school yesterday, gave my heart wings!
How do I describe it? I guess, if he had a blackboard, ‘chalked up’ with worries, it was almost as if someone had taken a damp sponge and wiped some of those burdens away.
As a ‘Mama’…it’s all you want to see!
Me: ‘How was it?’
Junior: ‘GREAT MAMA!! Ellie said it was great tooo!!!!’
(Ellie is his cuddly elephant. He literally takes everywhere with him for comfort. We bought it from the garden centre in Ackworth. It’s never left his side since.)
Ruby had the best day ever also. Whenever I look at her and I just can’t believe how ‘grown’ she is. I can’t believe how mature she is. I can’t believe how confident she’s becoming! She’s a beautiful human, with a spirit that flies.
I’m really proud of them both.
I think internally all three of us have worries, in regards to the trauma that we’re having to go through. We’re not used to that, because we’re usually quite expressive & as a family, were happy.
However, we all seem to be trying our best to be positive and we’re trying our best to take our minds of it all, by just getting on with life (because the rest of it is pretty wonderful.) We’re embracing love and having fun!!!
Me: ‘Concentrate on the things that make you happy. Be you! Love it! Enjoy it!’
Ruby: ‘Everyday you tell me you love me. Right now, I feel it LOTS!! What time d’ya think it is?’
Me: ‘I reckon, about half past 8? Check my phone.’
Ruby: ‘Guess mum!!!!’
Me: ‘Erm…(I had a little think)…it’s 20:34.’
She ran to pick up my phone and check!!!
Ruby: ‘Oh my GOSH!!!! MUM!!!!’
She held up my phone, in it’s little worn down, leopard print case and showed me the time.
IT WAS ACTUALLY EXACTLY 20:34
Me: ‘AS IF, I’ve just guessed that exactly right!!! I’m psychic now!! It must be a sign!!!’
(It really did actually give me faith in life. Haha. I don’t know why? But it did.)
Ruby: ‘JU!!! Mum guessed the time!!’
Junior: ‘My nose is red!! I think I’m turning into Rudolph, or I’m getting a cold. Which one mum?’
Y’know, again I want to say thank you to absolutely everyone who has lent an ear, a heart, a moment…It’s been a really difficult time that we didn’t see coming…and it still is. Yet, we’re doing okay…and that’s because of you. Every single human being around us, who has taken a second…to just… well….BE human with me. I appreciate it. I appreciate you.
( I mean all the chats of support I’ve been having with ‘Little P’ in the passenger seats of cars, has been wonderful.)
Little P: ‘The bad time that you’re going through is going to transform you, Chrissie. You’re gonna become stronger. It won’t stay like this forever. This is just the right now. I’ve been there. I know how you feel. It WILL get better.’
And my Mum…gosh. My Mum. I am SO lucky. I have THE greatest Mother alive. I’m also lucky enough to have the greatest father alive too. They’re the most beautiful grandparents and the most wonderful support.
My mum has got Junior through all this. I mean, he’s only 6…He doesn’t open up much, but when he does, he means it. Three days ago, he said this…
‘I love it when I lay with Grandma & cuddle her. She feels so soft & lovely. Then I feel soft & lovely. It’s like it comes to ME Mama.’
She gives him strength. She gives me strength!! She gives us ALL strength. She’s unbreakable!!
We have my parents staying over, right now. Just to make sure we’re all okay & safe. It’s truly great. We’re a proper family! I’m thankful for that!
Yesterday afternoon, just past 3.30pm…at the school pick up. I bumped into someone, who I always seem to have gently crossed paths with over the years. Waaaay back!
However THIS year, things have been happening & life has made us bump into each other….a lot. I had a phone call with her, that changed my life.
I mean, we even made separate choices in our own lives, as individuals…which made our paths cross even more. It’s so strange.
Things like… I decided to go back to acting school. I walked through the door, ready to meet Joanne, who casts ‘Corrie.’ There she was. She owns it.
Then…it was almost the end of the school year in June. I dropped the kids off as normal… I had to go inside to help Junior hang his kit up.
As I was walking back out, through the school door. I stopped. There she was… walking in, just as I was walking out..
Our children now school together.
I spoke to her yesterday & in a single moment she passed on strength. It was the way she looked at me. Her manner. Her story came through her eyes. She was strong.
‘You’ve got your life back in order now. Don’t let someone take it all away from you. Keep moving forward.’
In a second she reminded of everything….
Leaving you with a happy memory…