Ego-F******-Maniac

I’m currently wondering why i’m not drunk. I feel like a little afternoon tipple with lunch. However my cupboard is bare and therefore this little Glamour puss of  ‘Ooh laa’ shall have to face the merry afternoon stone, cold sober. (She looks up to the sky, sticks her middle finger up at The Lord, then pouts, giggles and gets on with her day.)

I feel amazing today. I feel sexy, mysterious, like i’m running my shit with a violently powerful ‘va voom.’ Everything is just going right and i think it’s because i’m happy….(or i really AM good at giving all the right people blow jobs.) I think sexiness should always be celebrated, with wiggles, boob jobs, winks and ofcourse sex. So for my victory lap, i made my secret ‘den of masturbation’ and had a dandy little ‘fiddle in the middle.’ I have sexuality oozing out of my pores right now. I can’t get enough.  But why complain? Free dinners here i come! You’ll learn not to be ‘virgins,’ girls!!

I spent all of last night watching Claire from fucking ‘Steps’ trying to lose weight for her wedding on TV. I found it quite hilarious, as no matter what she did, she just kept getting fatter! She even had burgers at her wedding. You don’t have bloody burgers at your wedding!! My eyes were glued to the screen. I’m obsessed with Claire from ‘Steps’ weight now. She went from a 16 to a 12, but you just know shes probably an 18 right now. I’m stalking her weight.

I’m also pissed off with people having a go at me for having an overly inflated EGO. I’m fucking AMAZING! I deserve an ego. I think i’m the best Glamour Puss/Blogger/Nuisance i know and i’ll sing it from the rooftops, you slags! (Pass me my cocktail!) There’s nothing wrong with being a bit cocky (oh-er.) I’m a show man. It’s good to know you’re AMAZING. There needs to be a lot more of it methinks, instead of these insecure quivering wrecks of humble excuses.What happened to all the feisty, no-nonsense, ‘uber femme chicks, with a dangerously sexy disposition?? Just because you pretend to be humble, doesn’t mean you ARE!! I really am the best person i know. There’s no-one like Me. Some call it ‘ego’…i call it FACT! You all need to lighten up a little, enjoy life, stay positive and beable to laugh at yourself. I don’t take myself seriously. But you probably should. (lol) No really, i simply mock myself constantly. Don’t take me seriously, just give me a good old kick in the googlies. I’ll slap you, but it will be worth it. (Sizzle!)

I’m also managing to get children yelled at during their classes in school. I guess they’ve been chatting to me on facebook, or looking at my ‘jubblies’ online instead of learning their A, B, C’s. The teachers are being up tight and throwing them all out of class. I’m banned from being viewed in most schools. Its awesome! I told one boy who’s gay, and therefore not interested in seeing my boobies, that he didn’t need exams, if he wanted to be a ‘Superstar’….and it’s true. Then another young Sweetheart, (who was reading my blog mid ‘Media’ class) stated that the answer to Question 4 was ‘Sexual.’ Her teacher kicked her out. So i guess this is the point where I tell you kiddies that ‘School really is Cool’ and it is. Yet mainly for all the pre-pubesent innocent school boys. I’d love to rummage in their pencil cases! (wink wink.)

Other than that i’ve quite excitedly been informed from a drunk, that inside the Mens toilets in ‘Yates’ bar, they sell vibrators and cock rings. AMAZING! We have a SCORE!!! Who’d have thought!! I once bought a orange, prickly cock ring, and a tube of lube in a West Hollywood sex shop, with Hilary Duffs face on. ‘Latin Lover’ and i tried to use it that night. Yet we didn’t quite understand, what we were supposed to do with it? It didn’t vibrate very well (it was on it’s last legs) and was forcefully squidged down his cock, all kinds of wrong. I remember he got all panicky at one point (you could see the sheer fright in his face) because he thought he had lost his BALLS!! (Hahahha!) I was PISSING myself. He made me laugh so much, (Just the thought of him all ‘Latin’ laying there starkers, with a giant boner and a bright orange cock ring, half buzzing on his willy) that i guided him into my chocolate highway…but only because i was fooled by happiness….and a bit drunk. (And you wonder why i’ve had eleven proposals!) Classy!

Chrissie Wunna

15 thoughts on “Ego-F******-Maniac”

  1. Oi b!tch, I am a little confused as to why I am not mentioned at all here?! You know that your fatty viewing experience was only made bareable thanks to my sexy-ass-self!!!!

    Ironically, I blogged about it too earlier hahahaa ONE MIND!!!

    That reminds me, I must go on to detail my vibrator lav experience!! CRAZY!!!!

    xx Puppy Spanks! xx

    Reply
  2. EVERYBODY- The Drunk, with the cock rings at ‘Yates’ was ADAM PARNELL. And the gentleman who ridiculed Claire from Steps’ weight with Me was also ADAM PARNELL.

    We actually did a running commentary of what you all were really thinking.

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  3. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA You’re such a bitch!! Loves it much!!

    I wasn’t a drunk…. I was a… What can I be? I was a pervert? No, too harsh… lesbian lover?…. too cliché… homo? too true…. I was a reporter writing a story on the drinking habits that the workplace environment now attracts its employees to!!

    Running commentary? WE?? Chrissie – you slated that fat cow!!!

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  4. oflicsence? i love the way u call people slags u dont want ot be an eastlondoner to much do u chrissie. i love your over afflated ego it cracks me up and u are a sort so u should have a n ego im pleased u had fun getting swilled i will have me scotch stellas and koppenburgs for u u can come watch the footie with me and have a beer if u want babe see i am a gentleman i will help u out salater scratch

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  5. first off i think your victory lap should be a victory lap dance,with me!,then i must agree,with you on some things,YES,be an egomaniac!,be great!,be all you can be!,wow them,stun,them,stir them,a lot of people need to be shocked,amused,offended,whatever,it wakes them up,walk around being sexy and bitchy! it’s you!,you’re glorious!,you’re vivacious!and you’ve got more curves than a baseball,more sex appeal than a porn star,you could charm a raging tiger,you’re THE original Wunna,show it to the world,shove it in their faces!

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  6. I spoke to you during school today too, thats bloody crazy! The school kids lovin’ the Wunna today. How extra ‘delicious’ for you! x

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  7. Loving the intertextuality 🙂
    (Is that the right word? I have been paying attention in English…)

    It was annoying because it was when I was coming offline when she caught me.
    She walked in through the door and went ‘WHO’S ON FACEBOOK. OH JUST DANIEL’, when nearly every person in the room was changing their status’, then she walked out and ‘banned’ me from the site.
    She blatently didn’t because I got back on in English Literature.
    She then came in and gave me a nearly naked picture of David Beckham. I like her now 🙂

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  8. our pcs were shit at school when i was there and iaint even herd of facebook then i talk to u at graft and i am the guvna so no one can saty a dickybird if they do i will smackem round the chops

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  9. Patrick- I am sooo gonna shove ‘it’ in their faces

    Perry- Wunna loves the school kids! YEAH!! 😉

    Danyal- Hahahahahaha! I love the boy that takes the blame for the whole class. U are MAN now. Lol. As if she can ban you from Facebook!! Tell her you’re a Socialite!

    Reply
  10. dont get lemon danyal i never puipe about u shun so i would watch your your norf mush u are witty and seem like a nice chavvie so dont get lemon shun

    Reply

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