Ego Ego Ego Much

I just got back from Nandos with my Mother and Father in Pontefract. I’ve been full all day, from doing a big steak lunch with half pints, with Loverboy. We also went  shopping, had a brief talk about his life…but that’s between him and I, then we went to watch people ski, as we had more half pints and i said ‘Hi’ to a Wunna fan. Loved her!

Anyway, yeah…Nandos wasn’t really exciting me. I was tired, grumpy, i hate being rushed, i looked awful…but with a *huff and a puff*, i slammed doors and tantrumed into the BMW, with the good folk that bred me, for a quarter chicken (mango lime) with a side of Peri chips.

Now i never stay grumbly for long…it’s not in my nature and not because life is too short…more because frowning will give you wrinkles..awful ones. But yeah…*distracted much*I got stared at a lot, which i thought was because i was off the telly. (Oh how humble I am.) It apparently had nothing to do with all that jiggery pokery. Infact, even my mum said, ‘Why do you think everyones glaring at you right now?‘ I replied with a cheeky ‘…because i’m beautiful?‘ However no, (eww factor much) they were watching me because i was winking, pouting and actually completely doing my face..and using my butter knife as a mirror. I tend to do this and not realize. I find it normal, everyone else thinks it’s quite bizarre. If i’m on a train, the whole table will get turned into a beauty parlour. If i’m at dinner, there you go again…the ‘beauty parlour’ is out before the starter. I mean, i’m not a shy girl. I’ll go to TOWN on it. *Hair toss-Hair toss- Pout-Gloss-Bronzer-Bronzer-Knife image down.* I’ll not only do MY face, but probably yours too! I’m the kinda floozey who puts MAC bronzer on my Kittens. Well i have a separate blusher brush for them…and every morning the girls with stand in line, and i pretend to *blush* them. (Be a Glamour Puss, it’s so much fun. All you have to do, is celebrate who you are, in the most comfortable, over the top fashion and LOVE it! Tell the world you are beautiful. Tell the nation you are amazing! It really is okay to do so, and those who tell you it’s wrong… are to immediately be put in the yukky bin of misery much. They are sooo not on the list of ‘ooh laa.’ If someone is going to tell you off for being confident and happy…then they’re a bundle of silly billies. REJOICE!)

Nando’s was okay. Not wonderful, but not bad. My mum rambled on about penis and a movie she just watched. When people talk and talk and talk about boring stuff, i always think it’s because they’re lonely and they don’t have many people to communicate with. I’m a chatty girl…but i know how to hit bullet points. I don’t like ramblers. They never know what they’re on about. I adore my Mother and it makes me sad to think that she might feel lonely. But i played good daughter…and listened. I liked watching her face light up, when she had our attention. My mums like a little girl, trapped in a womans body. I love her. We actually did ‘Yo sushi’ the other day at Meadowhall…a lot of you saw me, a lot of you stopped for piccies and to say ‘Hello.’ If you didn’t dare talk to me (i’ve recieved a bunch of messages from you) …know that there’s really no need to be scared. I’m usually drunk…and when drunk…i’m chipper 🙂

I’ve notcied that the hoochier I dress, the more people recognize me. When people see me fully clothed..they stare at me and do the ‘how do i know her’ thing? When i’m in zero clothes, a bikini, booty shorts, tiny skirt or i’m horizontal…i immediately get the ‘OMG that’s Chrissie Wunna,’ shimmie sham. I’m worthless clothed. It’s God’s way of telling me. I celebrate my body, but i’m telling you..all this eating at every popular Leeds restuarant…is not only gonna make me look like i’m having a ‘sit down with my ego…’  but like i’ve also EATEN it, with a side of yo mama’s so fat jokes. UGH!

I should probably go to bed now. I’ve properly done my back in. I’m all broken and achey. I need a rub down. A hot one, that ends in all sorts. My Mother keeps giving me lectures..but she always does them in code. I don’t get code? I need everything completely open, frank and honest. I don’t like it to be decorated with nonsense. It’s hard enough trying to see you, after my cocktail top up…let alone trying to figure out what you’re rambling on about! I learn things the hard way. We know this. Why bother trying to soften my fall? 🙂 I need rest time. No-ones letting me rest. I’m actually beginning to feel old. *Oh fuck it, lets throw in a confetti shower here*

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